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You are here : home > Confident Child > Teaching Kids to be Self-Reliant > Raising an Independent Child

Raising an Independent Child

Raising an Independent Child

Give your child too much freedom, and he may misuse it. Give him too little, and he may grow up to be completely dependent. Here's how you can find a balance.

You want to raise your child to be independent, and to help him make his own decisions. But if you give him too much freedom, and he may get confused, misuse the freedom or make the wrong choices. On the other hand, if you use the benefit of your experience and make all his choices for him, you are destroying his ability to make his own decisions, making him dependent on you and perhaps making him rebellious and resentful.
If you want your child to grow up into an independent person, you need to create a balance. Here are some tips on how you can achieve this balance and help make your child more independent.

Take it one step at a time

Everytime you do something for your child, do it slowly and let him watch careful, so that he learns how to do it by himself. So if you are helping your child wear his socks and shoes, do it slowly. Let him see how you make him wear the socks. Turn them inside out and show him the right side. The next time, let him wear the socks, while you help him get his shoes on. Show him how he can tie the laces.

Don't be in a hurry

Don't rush in to do everything for your child, no matter how tempting it may be. Your child now may be trying to tie his shoelaces himself. You know that you can tie them much faster for him, and you're getting impatient waiting for him to get it right. However, don't interfere and tie them for him. Stand by and watch while he tries to do it himself. If he gets it wrong, you can redo it and ask him if he wants to try again. If not, there's always tomorrow. Don't interfere until he asks for help or unless he gets it wrong - after he has completed the task at hand.


Soon you would have passed the stage of helping your child with every little task. You could simply be around monitoring him at some level. Don't brush his teeth for him - let him brush them himself, but be close by while he does it. The more he starts doing things for himself, the more confidence he will start having in his own abilities. This is why you should avoid checking him at every step. Instead of telling him what he is doing wrong, tell him before-hand how he can get it right. Often, the difference between raising a child right and wrong is just a way of putting things across to him.

Help him make lists

One of the best things you can teach your child is to get him into the habit of making lists of his homework or his chores. This will help him complete more tasks by himself and will consequently turn him into a more independent and capable person. You could start out by making the list for him, and as he completes each task, you could make him cross it out from the list.

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gaurang mishra
gaurang mishra.8 years ago
Great article indeed! I have seen dependant children and this made me respolve to give my child all the freedom she needs (she studies at Orchids the International, Bangalore in grade II). I allow her to do all things on her own and don't restrict her much. This article however has had me question myself as to whether she is too independent. Thanks for the eye opener. Got some serious thinking to do!
Sumear.12 years ago
it is nice article on independent chil. but i belive we should also give our experiences. and teach him some good things, which will be more helpful to him....
Naina.12 years ago
a very good comment, everyday i read the comments and it always gives u a good idea. thanks a lot.
Narola.12 years ago
its the best articles and i am happy to read it.from your articles i can be more patient and understand my child ability. thanks alot for ur help
Radha.12 years ago
good article with ptactical , simple but efficient tips.keep up the good work.bcoz we need to do things differently for our children, different from what our parents did for us.
Rachel/Preschool teacher
too many children today have too much done for them. if you miss the "i do it myself stage", you do a great disservice to your child. parent let your child try. let your child make mistakes. it is okay to try and make mistakes. home and the classroom should be a place where you can try things over and over again. what a wonderful right on the mark article!! bravo!!
Likitha.12 years ago
very nice article
Tony S
Tony S.12 years ago
fabulous article. i am v. happy that me and my husband are implementing most of the things u have suggested . thanks and keep it up.
Tampa.12 years ago
great tips - i'm a 45 year old example of a dependent child filled with resentment because of over-controlling parents. i want my son to be raised differently but i find at times i give him too much freedom - my mantra will be balance! thanks!
gwilliams.12 years ago
i believe that children should be taught to be independent at a very young age. i even believe that they should have after school jobs at a very age like a girl i went to school with. i believe that poor parents raise their children to be independent at a younger age than middle-class and upper-class parents who do too many things for their children. children do not appreciate parents who do too many things for them. poor parents have the right idea to raise their children to be tough and independent.
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