Fill up this form to notify us about any comment that you find to be objectionable or improper. Please also do provide us the reason for your objection.

In: home > Raising Children / Parental Dilemmas / Role of Grandparents

Role of Grandparents

raising-children Raising Grandchildren

In nuclear family set up, grandparents are ignored. Parents feel that grandparents presence will be a interference in raising of the kids. But there are more advantages than disadvantages of having grandparents in the family. Read on to know how.

"Quarrels would not last long, if the fault was only on one side."

With the ever-increasing number of nuclear families where both partners are working, maids are given the job of literally raising the children. Important developmental tasks like socialization, disciplining and language development are left to the television or this housemaid. 

While parents know this is not in the best interests of their children, they still accept it because it does not afford any interference in their routine life. The parents [especially the mother] experience full liberty and authority towards the growing child and the entire family administration at the meager cost of monthly salary of the maid. The advantages of having the company of grandparents are ignored, because parents don't want anyone bossing them around or teaching them how to raise their own children, and rightly so. 

The mother has no intention of humiliating either the husband or the grandparents. All she wants is parenting without criticism and she wants to avoid being unnecessarily blamed by all for any misbehavior by the child.

However, there are more advantages than disadvantages of having grandparents in the family. It all depends on everybody's personalities, expectations, contributions, and communication styles. Often parents and grandparents get into a situation where they are competing at 'parenting'. The smaller issues like disciplining, menu for lunch, T.V. watching, birthday gifts, dressing styles, doing chores etc. soon become the topics of disputes. The previous confrontations are remembered and bounced back and conflicts set in.

Many times, the father and grandfather keep out of trouble, only to listen to the grumbling of their wives who no longer get along. The children are smart enough to take the advantage of the situation for their own benefit. What should be done to avoid such situations? Can those broken families be brought together again? Is it possible for the father to give instructions to his parents? Are we following the western style of 'homes for the aged? Is that our own destiny when we become old? This article aims at giving both sides of the story.

Strategies for parents:

  1. Avoid shouting or talking back at grandparents. Even if there is a dispute, discuss it when children are not around. Remember children may not be good listeners but they are very good observers. 

  2. Lay down certain ground rules which should be followed by everybody - including the grandparents, e.g. T.V. watching. Let the rules be discussed with all prior to implementation.

  3. If you feel that you are being unfairly blamed and criticized, you should discuss it immediately. If you sense interference, double game, taking sides etc. on the part of grandparents, be bold enough to openly discuss it. Let the steam blow off early. 

  4. Convey your expectations very clearly to each member of the family. Let everybody know what he/she is supposed to do.

  5. Praise the grandparents if you think they have done a good job, or if they have helped you. Never expect too much from them. Consider the age-related restrictions. Avoid criticism and bad remarks. It really hurts at their age.

  6. Give responsibilities to the grandparents when you are away. Let them feel that they also count. Make use of their experience and wisdom instead of making 'use' of them. To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. 

  7. Arrange for regular family meetings and get-togethers. Having at least one family meal together is a very important step towards healthy family relationships.

  8. Feel comfortable to take advices from grandparents regarding important issues, e.g. disciplining, career choices, financial matters, family rituals etc.

  9. What you do to the grandparents probably will be repeated few years later by your children. Be a good role model before you expect good treatment from your children, when you become old.

  10. Be prepared to face not-so-good relationships in the future. The times are changing. Do not expect the same amount of affection and intimacy from today's children, which you are showing towards today's grandparents.

Strategies for grandparents:

  1. Remember the basic rule: You are not parents. Never interfere with sensitive issues like discipline and studies, unless asked for. Avoid taking sides, especially in front of the children. 

  2. Never humiliate/criticize parents in front of their children. Whatever you want to advise should be in private. Do not use children as means of fighting with parents. Family conflicts and raising children should be separate. Never use phrases like, 'if it was me...' or 'In my time...' or 'When you were a kid...' or 'When your become old as me, you would be worse than what I am.'etc.  The demands for parenting and what constitutes parenting is constantly changing. What was rational yesterday may not be valid today and will never be applicable tomorrow.

  3. Give positive remarks, when you feel that the parents have done a good job. Be quick to compliment, and slow to blame. 

  4. Try to compensate for working parents when they are away. Try to cushion the stress and demands of modern day parenting. Take initiatives and responsibilities during crisis without dominating the show. Your task of parenting continues even when you are grandparents. Give your comfortable lap not only to grandchildren but also to the parents, when needed. After all, you are the pillars of the family. Pillars are for supporting, not for creating obstacles.

  5. Children, especially adolescents, may rebel. Do not feel humiliated in that case. Discuss the steps that should be taken, in case you sense danger. Use humor whenever possible. Family rituals and gatherings offer the best platform for discussing and negotiating issues, which need delicate handling. Try to inculcate family norms and values into your growing grandchildren and give proper explanations each time you do so. 

  6. Accept your own limitations as grandparents without taking things personally. Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives. Share your physical as well as mental problems with family members. Be bold to resist being 'used up'.

  7. Avoid constant criticism. It gives a message that nobody except you is capable of running the family. The parents may feel hopeless and inferior if you constantly pass negative remarks. Children also lose respect towards the parents. 

  8. Give priority to parent's concerns over your grandchildrens' demands. Listen to both sides in case of disputes and find a mutually agreeable solution, thus acting as a buffer.

  9. Take vacations for short periods. Let family members feel that you are needed.

  10. Help the parents and grandchildren in whatever way you can with your experience and knowledge. Staying away from the kitchen and avoiding constant interference can be a great help by itself.

Whatever the causes of disputes between elders, they should never be discussed outside the home. They should be resolved quickly and forgotten - not thrashed about again and again.

Articles (63)

Videos related to this article (421)
Dancing toddlers
MAN go eater
Sleepy baby
Sleepy baby 2
Virtual Pets that can read your mind
My Tamagotchis
How to download and Use Free Virtual Pets
My webkinz Virtual pets and a Couple of My Rooms
Hare and Tortoise story
The thirsty crow story
Fox and grapes story
Bedtime story
Baby Talk
Baby talks on and on
Baby gives big talk
Baby talking on cell phone
Disciplining your child
What to do if your child back answers you?
How to discipline a child
Disciplining from early age
Let us stand against terrorism
Children learn self defense in terror attack
Children suffer due to terrorism
Children and terrorism
Terrorism in India
Views on Mumbai terror attack
Stop terrorism
How to communicate with a child
Mumbai terror attack
Children learn fire safety
First aid kit
World Trade Center attacks
What is speed reading?
A child who reads
Reading a story book
Reading aloud to children
Child of divorced parents
Divorce and its effects on children
Coping with divorce
Children and divorce
Making money through interesting competitions
Money and children
Coping with financial difficulties
Raising children
A child coping with speech delay
Coping with speech delay
Helping child to cope with speech delays
Problem of delayed speech
A person coping with food poisoning
Food poisoning
A symptom of poisoning
Symptoms of mercury poisoning
Phobia of water
Phobia of an insect
Children and grease phobia
Dangers of having a phobia
Kitchen safety tips
Lead Poisoning in children
Educating children about fire safety
Child learning kitchen safety
A new toy for baby
Playing with toys
Playing with toys - funny
Toy safety tests
Children and depression
Depression and loneliness
Depression and feelings
Causes of depression
Claymation video for kids on safety at the playground
Careful While Playing
How to be careful on a playground
Playground safety - Funny
The Loss of a Loved One
Helping Children Cope with Death
Young Boy gives Advice on How to Explain a Pet's Death
Losing a Parent
Dos and Don'ts while Driving
Funny Video on Safe Driving
What NOT to do while Driving
Safe Driving
Safe Social Networking
How Social Networks form
Importance of Social Networks
Social Networks
Parents Feeding Child
Baby playing with Beer Can
Letting a Baby Drive
Baby drinking Coke
Baby Sitting Boogie
Funny Baby
Hilarious Babysitting Session
Disciplining Kids
Kids and Discipline
Effective Discipline
Teaching Kids Discipline
Playing Truant
Bunking off School
Bunking Lectures
Civic Sense
A documentary about Civic Sense
Civic Sense and our City
Ignoring Civic Sense
Technology and Kids
CCTV to watch Babysitters
GPS Tracking
Multimedia and Education
Stay at Home Dad
Documentary on Stay-at-home Dads
Dad Makes a Mistake
Life as a Stay-at-Home Dad
Lonely Child
Misadventures of a Lonely Child
Children and Loneliness
Parents Dont Understand
Childrens Behaviour
Influence of TV
Influence of Movies or Wrestling on Kids
Does TV influence Kids?
Children and Chores
Getting Chores Done
Responsible Kids
Great Helper
Bad Parenting
Bad Parenting Skills
Six Signs of Bad Parenting
Social Awareness
Respect the Flag
Womens Rights
Child Labour
Father and Daughter
Father and Son
Funny Parenting
Parent Child Connection
Baby and Pet
Metalhead Baby
Super Cute Baby
Baby and Puppy
Cute Child having Conversation with Parents
Importance of Spending Time with Children
Spending Time with Children at Dinner
Cute Child Playing with Dog
Gingerbread Man Story
Telling a Story to Kindergarten Kids
Teacher Telling Children Story
Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears
Speed Chess
Roll the Ball
Colorado Ice kids race
Small boy playing with toys
Reading and writing
Infant massage to stop a crying baby
Learning styles
Challenges faced by Young Parents
Don't touch me
Sibling Rivalry
Big sister and Little brother
Sibling Jealousy
Five ways to better sibling relationships
Sibling Relationships
Sibling Love
Complex sibling relationship
Children Dancing
How to keep children entertained
Marian entertaining the children
On the playground
Children Playing With a Dog
How to set and stick to your New Year resolutions
Getting Children to Eat Vegetables
Making Your Bed
Teaching children personal finance
Tips to save money
Importance of Saving
How to prepare a Financial Plan
How to invest in stocks for kids
Tips for Investing Money
Invest in Kids
Talk to your kids about Money
Cell phones dangerous for Child pedestrians
Children should not use cell phones
Dangers of kids using Cell Phones
Advice for parents of kids using cell phones
TV Harmful for Toddlers
Advertising to Kids
Psychological Tricks of Advertising
Helping Kids understand Toy Ads
Funny Scene from Cartoon
Are India Reality Shows Real?
Child Labour
Child Labour in India
Very Cute Baby Talk
Baby talking on Phone to Dad
Public Speaking Tips
Handwriting the Alphabet
Tips for Parents of Pre-Schoolers
Teaching Alphabets to Baby
Crawling Tips for Babies Funny
Parenting tips on how to pacify a crying baby
10 things you can do to help save the Earth
Environmental Sustainability
Environment Education for Kids
Save Water
How to stay safe
Funny kids and animals
Kids riding a bike
Kids swimming lessons
Talking to Children about Money
Innovative Money Banks for Kids
Teaching Kids to Save Money
Importance of Money
Childrens Talent Show
Identifying and Nurturing Talent in Children
Encouraging Talented Children
Talented Child
Encouraging Outdoor Sports
Popular Outdoor Sport in India
India's National Outdoor Sport
Health and Sports Day
India's Higher Education System
India's Primary Education System
Education in India
Educating Girls in India
Financial Advice
Importance of Financial Education
Financial Education Session
Financial Advice Animation
The Influence of TV programmes
The Influence of TV Media on Society
Influence of TV on Teenagers
Media Influence on Our Perception
A cute Girl talking about her Career
Career Advice
Career in Dance
Career in Classical Dance
How to become a Good Nanny - Funny
Cute Little Nanny
Baby in Day Care
Baby Having Good Time with Nanny
Misbehaviour in Children
Kids Misbehaving at Party
Child throwing Tantrums
Answering Childs Question
Sibling Relationship
Sibling Rivalry
Sibling Playing Together
Cute Siblings
Summer Camps Conducted in 1941
Keeping Children Occupied with Books
Children Occupied with Painting
Summer Vacation
Bad Effects of Fast Food
Improving Nutrition Programs for Children
Obesity and Fast Food
School Lunch
Solo Acting on the Concept called Angry Parents
Effect of Anger
How to Control Anger
Anger Management Technique
Parenting Tips
Communicating with Children
Tips for Healthy Children
About Shy Children
Effects of Divorce on Children
Effects of Single Parenting
Single Parenting and Marriage
Divorce from Childs Perspective
Siblings Fighting for Toys
What can Lead to Sibling Rivalry
Cute Siblings Fighting with Each Other
Baby fighting with her Sibling for Toys
Wholesome Development of Child
Beginning of Childs Development
Development of Child
A Group of Children Playing
How to Increase your Self Confidence
Quotes on Self Esteem and Confidence
Quotes for Building Confidence
How to Build Confidence in Your Children
How Parents can Help Children
Animated Video on Coping with Peer Pressure 1
Animated Video on Coping with Peer Pressure 2
What is Peer Pressure?
Importance of Cleanliness - Animation
Cleanliness Campaign by School Children
Encouraging Children to Keep Surroundings Clean
Cleanliness Awareness Campaign
Tips for Managing Anger and Being Patient
Consequences of Anger
How to Control your Child
Control your Childs Internet Usage
Kids Buying Clothes
A Play on Shopping for Kids
Little Baby Shopping in Supermarket
Buying Toys for Kids
A Funny Video on Buying Toys for Children
A Child Happily Playing with Wooden Blocks
Toys which You Should Avoid Buying
Some Children do not Need Toys Funny
Parenting Six Children
Father Spending Time with Daughter
Spending Time by Exercising with Kids
About Spending Quality Time with Kids
Parenting Tips for Changing Childs Behaviour
How to Change Childs Behaviour
Anger Management Tips
Tips on Talking to Teenagers
Pacifying Baby Girl
Parent and Child Sitting at Height
Girl Child Throwing Temper-Tantrums
Parenting Girl Child - Daddys Angel
How to Build Confidence in Child
How to Improve your Parenting Skills
Parenting Tips
Tips on Parenting and Raising Children
Toddler Reading a Book
3 Year Old Child Reads a Book
School Going Kids Reading Stories
Tips for Reading Stories for Children
Raising Intelligent Child
Raising Confident Children
The Intelligent Child
Parenting Happy and Self Confident Children
Raising a Boy Child
How to Teach a Boy to be a Man
Tips for Raising a Happy Child
Parenting Tips for Raising Children
Teaching Kids to Be Responsible
Child of Irresponsible Parents
Responsibility of Educating Children
Encourage Children to Save Trees
A Funny Video on Financial Planning
Parenting Tips
Child's Career Plan
How to Deal with Aggressive Children
Tips for Raising a Happy Child
Parenting Tips on Dental Care
Parenting Toddlers
How to Discipline Your Toddler
Tips for Travelling with Child
How to Discipline your Kids
Disciplining Your Child
Potty Training Experience
Tips for Raising an Honest Child
Bible Values of Honesty and Truthfulness
Honest Opinion Animated Story
Importance of Honesty
Kids' Favourite Things during Vacations
Scrapbooking during Vacations
Family Activities during Holidays
Organising Crafts Material during Holidays
Cute Siblings Fighting with Each Other
Sibling Rivalry - Animated Video
Kids Fighting with Each Other
Kids Fighting Over a Scooter
Girls Fighting For a Doll
Kids Fighting with Pillows
Cute Children Fighting
Fighting Twin Babies
A Kid who Lies
Kids Lie after Eating Chocolate
Child Who Likes his Mother Sometimes
Child Lying about His Age
Giving Visit to Great Grandparents
Bonding with Grandchildren
Spending Time with Grandparents
Playing with Grandparents
Experience of Parenting Twins
Fun with Twins
Twins Having Fun
Raising Twins by a Single Parent
Guide to Good Parenting
Tips to Be a Good Parent
Parenting a Teen
Parenting an Angry Teen
Avoid Parenting Mistakes
Mistakes in Parenting
Parenting Mistake
Tips To Be A Better Parent
Child Overcoming Fear
Fear of Dentist
How to Help Children Overcome Fear
Tips to Deal With Fears in Children
Effect of Television Viewing on Brain
Addicted To Television
Effects of Watching Television
Harmful Effects of TV Viewing
Monitoring Childs Online Activities
Online Safety Tips For Kids
Spending Time with Children
Monitoring Childs Calls and Texts
Getting Rid of Shyness
Helping Shy Children
Tips To Overcome Shyness
Shy Child
Rewards And Punishment Song
Benefit of Rewarding Kids
Rewarding Kid For Good Grades
Use Of Food As A Reward
Tips to Deal With Anxiety Disorders
Dealing With Anxiety Disorder
Tips To Overcome Anxiety Disorders
Effective Way to curb Anxiety
Testing For Emotional Development
Argument By a Baby
Throwing a Tantrum
Tips For Expressing Emotions
Rules for Raising a Confident Child
Reading a Book
Tips for Raising Confident children
Role of Parents for Building Confidence
Effective Parenting Tips
Parenting Style Assessment
Good Parenting
Effective Parenting Basics
Example of Bad Parenting
Bad Parenting
Bad Parent
Screaming Parent
Talking Twin Babies

You may also be interested in:

More women are now opting for a single child. The reasons vary. Raising a single child is a tough task as the child tend..
Save Edit
Sort by Newest

reeta.2 years ago
Grand parents also fulfill a v imp need, unconditional love untempered by the parent who could be bound by rules and regulations. Story tellings,doing things just for pure fun and only fun can happen a lot more with grand parents. My daughters remember playing in the pile of sand, imagining a beach, in the desert of Rajasthan with her grandmother.
Rishi.6 years ago
it's very good article
Jacques G. Risdon.6 years ago
because of the near impossibility of finding a perfect partner, our children are rarely perfect.
a mother is born.

we once owned a house in florida.

in port-charlotte to be precise.

it was located, as floridian homes love to be, on a canal that allowed you the luxury of tying up your 14-foot yacht to your own dock.

across the canal, kitty-corner as we say, was a similar lot settled by a white couple who took advantage of one of our long absences from fl to have a child.

how that happened i cannot tell. all i know is that from one stay in fl to the next, a mother was born.

at least my perception is that a mother had come into existence. a child too of course but the mother was what was really the object of this exercise in continuing overpopulation. it was the mother i heard constantly: the mother, the mother, the mother.

the tiny tot was faced with the immensely difficult task of exploring ponce de leons discovery on foot. he should have fallen on his head or on his butt at every step but he plodded along with remarkable persistence in spite of all difficulties.

as if gravity, poorly cut grass, uneven ground, thorny weeds, the roasting sun, red ants, the proximity of a murky canal, and the occasional visit by alligators which florida feels bound to protect, were not enough to discourage a new human being from trying to get around, this tiny tot was further handicapped by having a mother dogging his every step.

her role was clear: discourage this newborn explorer. she constantly yelled no at the top of her voice. no! no ken, no! no o no, ken. ken no! warding off real or imaginary dangers.

the noise haunted me as i tried to read peacefully on my side of the canal: no!

when the shouting stopped, so imprinted by her nos was my mind, that i kept hearing them for hours till late into the night.

it has been years since we sold our house and the baby is now a teenager, if he survived his mothers shouts, the mindless alligators and the semi-blind cataracted retirees driving their enormous american cars from air conditioned super-malls to air conditioned super-malls.

i can picture ken in a moment of passion, intent on kissing a beautiful, sun toasted, blond coed. he leans over, his vision blurred by his desire and her nearness. their lips will now meet and the world about him ceases to exist in his absolute concentration of feelings when he hears the voice of his past scream: no_o_o! ken.

the moment has passed. sorry.

poor ken.

forget ken. reflect on this.

there is no doubt in my mind that i would risk my life if i walked over to this proud father, again in a shopping centre albeit a canadian shopping centre this time, overheated but exactly the same as the overcooled floridian versions (complete with a wal-mart and a mc do) and told him that his child appears to me seriously deficient.

yet he has just called out to his child, loudly so that all could hear: dont run cathy, you are going to fall and hurt yourself!

what part of cathy is of poor quality is not apparent. her legs sure work well. her eyes seem ok because shes expertly avoided obstacles such as that little dog that crossed her path a moment ago. as i followed them through the centre before she gave that unpredictable dash to meet the world head-on, she was talking to her dad most intelligently and asking sensible questions. dad, why is that man so fat?

but this dad obviously knows of synapse problems in her brain, running synapse problems, and has resolved long ago to prevent deadly accidents.

dont run, youre sure to fall!

we sometimes go to parks.

parents by and large, also visit parks although they are located in the great outdoors in many cases and not necessarily in shopping centres.

in parks, you will hear parents motivating their children to avoid wild, life-threatening activities such as climbing up a ladder: dont! you know youll fall and break your neck.

their fears may be justified in this case. designers of these playgrounds are obviously envious people who, unable to have children of their own, create equipment so dangerous that an untutored child is sure to smash his jaws on a steel bar if he slips or otherwise seriously maim himself.

this situation reveals an auto-compensating factor built into the human race to educate the young: while parents overprotect, these other adults make sure that kids still get to learn about danger.

whatever! you will hear parents warning their kids about their inability to cope with whats ahead of them all over north americas playground. dont! youre going to hurt yourself.

i was once a parent myself but fortunately before the days of the camcorder. the result is that there are not that many embarrassing records of how i behaved except for the memories of our seven children and these i can dispute as distorted one-sided views of twisted little minds.

when alone with myself, however, i cannot altogether dismiss certain images of what my teachings have been. did i yell dont, i am afraid so. once or twice, or more.

so i was not the fine parent that i hold as an ideal to others now that my parenting days are over.

the trouble is that to be a great parent you should first be a grandparent.

this is difficult for most. it will also be contested by many. nevertheless it is true and you would do well to take this very seriously.
denisha.6 years ago
it's gud that people think a bit about grandparents koz they r the most important 1.
we wudn't hav been here without them, mind you!!!!
z article was great
Annoyed.6 years ago
my kids' grandparents (my ex-in-laws) drive me nuts. their own son left me and my sons, and now they act as if it is their job to tell me how to raise my kids, what to do, how to discipline, even down to whether i should have a second dog or not.
they make absolutely no allowance for the kids' both being young teens, and scream and yell about the least little transgression.
i live next door to them and they do help me out by keeping an eye on the kids, but now that the kids are 13 and 14 i am considering selling the house and moving as far away as i can so i can be their only mother again.
they messed up with their own son so they try to make it up with mine. and i am sick of the interference. hell, i was only married to their son for five years...but i ended up getting a life sentence.
mohana.6 years ago
it is very good article for both parents and grand parents to avoid misunderstandings and help them to understand each other and also to learn forget and forgive.
Ramendra Kumar.6 years ago
excellent article. very well balanced with sound advice for the parents as well as the grandparents. looking forward to more such sane advice.
Dr Anjali.6 years ago
very good article and good tips for both the generation.psychological studies have proved thatgrandparents have a significant role in emotional cognitive and linguistic( my paper)development of for the sake of healthy generation,both physically and emotionally,it is duty of parents and grandparents to preserve our joint family structure by following these tips.
jessica.6 years ago
it is very useful
today's parents should read this excellant article because they are the future grandparents, so learn from today for your future role in the family
load more comments
Raising Children Topics..
Cure for common cold Video
Discussion Forum - Recent Posts
How important do you think grandparents are to a growing child? Are they are helpful or interfering? Are they vital to all children?
Grandparents love being with grandchildren.Children need to have that kind of family bonding and affection from small. They guide them in the right way by telling them their experiences. ...
Grandparents are like guiding light to a growing kid. they give the right direction to the kid. now with both parents working and busy with their work, it is important to have grandparents around the...
Ulka Singh
I think grandparents are very helpful and seldom interfering. Right from the time they become grandparents, they enrich us with their wisdom and experiences. With so much of an experience, they are ve...
view more >>
Role of in-laws
yaah totally agree with u priya at the initial stage it will help but after ... - kim    read >>

living seperately in far place from them is the only option as they cannot ... - mira    read >>

yaah showing her such articles on it will help. she also love his grandson ... - tina    read >>

yaah ignore her...this is the best option. sometimes being silent makes a h ... - megha    read >>

All tips on Diet
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else. No spam.

*No spam only genuine emails
Mixed Marriages or Mixed-up Marriages?
The Only Child