Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Name: Tina Shah

I feel that my husbands parents are using their son. My husband is from India and I am from the USA. He obtained his greencard and citizenship through me after coming here. He is a physician and obtained his residency training. I worked to earn for our family for two years until he got his job. Then he applied for his parents to visit us on a visiting visa. We were both working.

They were nice the first few days and then started threatening me. That I was not earning as much as my spouse. If i dont listen to their orders they will tell him to divorce me. That they educated him In India and have more rights over him then me. They showed no interest in the culture here or the nature of his job. Their only interest was showing off his money to society through the lifestyle he gave them. Yet I am the one who understands him as a person.

My son was born one year later. Same thing. They treated me like a full time domestic servant. They would not let me care properly for my son. They just wanted me to clean and cook for the family. They left and came back when he was 4. Same thing. Just watched tv all day with my son while i cooked cleaned and got groceries. Things have changed now my son is older and growing up in the USA. My spouse has realized my son loves him without condition for who he is not what he does for him.

My husband sends his parents $2000 every 2 months. They have lived rent free their entire lives. My father inlaw never wanted to work hard so got a job walking distance to his home 5 minutes away. They paid nothing for my husbands education. He got in on his own merit. Now the money is not the issue. They have also taken care of him and raised him. Its not a lot compared to how much my husband earns. But I have an issue with their mentality. The amount he sends is over and above what they need to survive. Their home is paid for. They claim that my husbands money and home in usa is their home and money. But when they have to do something for us or their grandchild it becomes mine and my husbands home and they are guests now. When they want something from my grandchild he is "their blood" but when i ask them to do something for him they behave as if they are doing me a favor. They claim they sacrificed everything for my husband but what I do for him is my duty and respinsibility. I am raising my own son. It is never a sacrifice to be with him. I chose to bring him into this world. To say sacrifice means I am doing something I dont want to do. That I would prefer to be out with my friends.

Also - when I go to their house in India they treat me like a guest not a family member. If i put one saucepan in the wrong place my mil has. problem. But they expect to be treated like a family member when they come here. I am tired of their double standards.

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