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You are here : home > Raising Children > Relation between Siblings > Gender Bias

Gender Bias

A question of X or Y

A child's destiny can be determined by as simple a circumstance as whether his or her father contributed an X or Y chromosome. Pink or blue clothes. Guns or dolls. The provider and the homemaker. Female infanticide. The patriarchal system. The purdah system. The premium on virginity. Dashing bachelors and aging spinsters. What are they all about? They all revolve around the issue of gender bias. The fact is that people are treated differently depending on their gender. 

Gender bias is so deeply ingrained in the system that the discrimination begins from the time a couple plans a baby. Today, science has advanced so far that it is possible to separate male and female sperm so as to predetermine the sex of a child. In some parts of the world the birth of a baby boy warrants a celebration whereas a baby girl may not be extended the same warm welcome. Despite the fact that India has crossed the billion mark in population, there will still be families with five daughters and the mother trying desperately to give birth to a son. 

Reinforcing gender bias

If a boy cries, he is asked if he is a sissy. If a girl plays cricket, she is labeled a tomboy. Dr. Sushma Mehrotra, psychologist, recounts her experience. She says, "I know parents who were very upset because their five-year-old son brought a doll home. The child was just playing with a toy that happened to be a doll. They thought that the boy had a gender problem. The parents actually came for counseling, worried that the boy was showing such feminine interests." In this way, parents ingrain the idea into the minds of their children that behaviour can be gender-appropriate. 

Girls will encounter gender bias at almost every stage in their lives. Radha Shankar's father expects her to be home by eight in the evening, while no such restrictions are placed on her brother. Mr. Shankar says,"It's not that I don't trust Radha or that I think she will do anything wrong if I let her out of the house after eight, but the fact is that people will talk if a girl is in the habit of going out for late nights. I don't want anyone to say such things about my daughter. With my son it's different because boys will be boys."

Dr. Mehrotra talked about the plight of educated women who are so frustrated because despite their qualifications, they are ultimately expected to fall into the traditional mould of wife, mother and homemaker. Take the case of Nalini Mansukhani. Her parents sent her to the best schools and she has done her MBA from a prestigious business school, but she is under intense pressure from them to get married. She says,"It doesn't seem to matter to my parents that I'm doing so well in my job and that I have certain career aspirations. Marriage just does not figure in my plan right now. And I just know that they will see no harm in my being expected to give up my career if my prospective husband makes that a condition."

Gender bias and men

According to Dr. Mehrotra, " Femininity is restricted to girls." People tend to have a more indulgent outlook on girls acting like tomboys. However, the opposite is not true for boys. There is a stigma attached to a boy being effeminate. That is the reason why society has a tendency to doubt the masculinity of men who design clothes for women, or male make-up artists, or men who follow any profession that breaks away from the straight and narrow. Somehow, men who don't hold nine to five jobs with a salary cheque that puts food on the table are not deemed manly enough. 

While most people believe that gender bias favours men, men have their own cross to bear. Even in these so-called liberated times, men are expected to go out and earn their bread and butter. The option of staying at home and looking after the children while the wife goes out to work is not open to them. They have this option only if they have the strength to withstand the gossip, the ridicule and the general disapproval. 

Sujoy Matthew punctured his parent's balloon of expectation when he decided that he was not cut out to be a doctor, engineer, lawyer or an MBA. "I just don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm just trying out different things. I make enough money to cover my expenses so I'm happy. My parents have given up on me. They are embarrassed to tell people that I don't have a job and have even lied on occasion saying that I'm working or doing some course." 

Anup Singh moved into his wife's house after marriage. He says, "I haven't heard the end of it even from my friends. It's actually so simple. At this stage, neither my parents nor I can afford to buy a flat. My wife has a house, so I moved in. Women have been moving into their husband's houses for centuries and it's never been an issue. People have to be practical."

Mrs. Khanna is looking for a groom for her daughter. She says,"I want my daughter to marry a man who can give her a secure future. I don't want her to ever worry about money or have to skimp and save." It would never occur to her that her daughter should be able to fend for herself. 

Women should be educated so that they can learn skills to support themselves. The choice to work or not to work thereafter should be entirely their own. There are innumerable stories of widows and divorcees who have found that they are clueless about their finances and how to manage them without their husbands. It is not that women are incapable. It is just that they have given up the choice to participate. 

Change begins at home

Awareness about gender bias has slowly spread over time. But it will take a long time for this awareness to seep into the grassroots and translate into social change. The world has moved forward. Today, we have women astronauts, women prime ministers, even women wrestlers, but there are still millions of women who face these double standards at every juncture of their lives. Feminists have been shouting themselves hoarse, demanding equality for women. Some people believe that women and men can never be equal, just different. Yes, but different does not necessarily mean inferior or lesser in any way. Women must be provided equal opportunity and this is not a task to be left to the government or any organization or authority. 

Social change begins at home. Parents have to learn to adopt an androgynous attitude towards bringing up their children. They shouldn't panic if their son prefers to play with dolls or their daughters decide they don't want to marry till they are thirty. Parents need to give both sons and daughters the chance to live their lives free from the fetters of gender bias. 

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Recent comments (22 comments)
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Name: Anupama Johnson
Country: USA

when i was in india, my parents were pressuring me to get married as soon as i finished college. i put my foot down, went for studies to the u.s. i met my husband here and i'm glad i didn't succumb to my parents pressure.
Name: Sarah
Country: England

i think that these articles are from people who are very brave and have had the chance to make something of them selves. you can get no where without an education. i am at college and hope to succed as these people have.
Name: Anamika
Country: India

gender bias is so deep rooted in indian families that they don't even realise they are doing it. the most unfortunate part is women as mothers inculcate and encourage this behaviour. only educated and self-independent mothers can erase this evil from society.
Name: Jaya
Country: India

one very strong reason for the preference for boys at least in our country, and especially among certain communities in north india, is that most parents think their sons will look after them in their old age, while they cannot expect the same from their daughters. we women can change this around by actively flying to our parents' rescue evertime they are in need. it is surprisingly easy to do this, if we only show the same interest towards our in-laws. then most of the time, our husbands, and in-laws, too, will support us, pitching in with child-care etc, when we need to go. if parents can be brought to realise that their girls, too, will be there for them always, then i hope that this gender bias will fade a bit. what do you people think?
Name: aNDromedaEz
Country: Malaysia

its kewl .. i don't even read the article.
Name: staar
Country: India

womens enemy is not another man but another women!!!!!!!!!!
Name: curious
Country: USA

could someone explain more about the process of predetermining the sex of the child? also how successful the method is?
Name: judith
Country: Canada

in class we are learning about all kinds og biases and i am enjoying it alot and we have to give in an rtical on any kind of biases and i found good ones here.
Name: gender bias
Country: India

i agree with what nikita and jaya have written.we are the future generation,we can change the mentality of our society.initially, love marriages and inter caste marriages were not allowed,now the society accepts it easily.working mothers were discouraged,the scenario is different,at present.similarly gender bias could be removed.earlier everobody had boys and girls as their children as the no.of children was not limited(9-10 or more).now as the so-called society accepts only 2 children,the option to people is female nfanticide,ridiculous! on one hand there are childless couples and on the other ,when god gives them mercy,they want a boy,does'nt matter if they fight for property,do not go to work or even put their old parents on road. only we can stop this gender bias by more awareness! na lini
Name: herpes
Country: India

i have herpes on my face and inner thighs. would anyone like a sample of my std give me a call, and i will send you a vile of the sludge called herpes for only 27 payments of 29.99, plus 150 dollars shipping and handling, email me at thank you and have a great day.
Name: Pradeep
Country: India

so nalini, you are trying to say that all sons put their parents on road??? whining is in your nature, because you were born like that. but my question is to the men out there, how long will you put up with all this?? we men are blamed for every problem in the world. all the wars happened because of "male ego" where as, the indo-pak war of 1971 and various wars fought by the british empire back in the 1600s,1700s, and the 1800s were brought out by none other than women!!!!!!!!
Name: nature
Country: India

pradeep u really are a true indian male, full with man-ego and sick attitude. i pity the woman who is destined to get married to an inhuman like u.
Name: Pradeep
Country: India

calling me uneducated, huh? for your information, i am an alumni of the indian institute of technology (iit) bombay.
Name: Jayathi
Country: India

yes,people like pradeep are uneducated,they use filthy language,they must go to school for the society's sake.they are a burden on this earth.
Name: patee hasangi
Country: india

i like chicken
Name: shona
Country: india

gender bias???? get real, it exists, whether we like it or not. i have different expectations from both my children, i react to both differently, i even play differently with them.i can cuddle my daughter much more than my son. i cannot sit down to a session of creating colour combinations with clothes with my son. i cannot expect my son not to treat the window grille as some kind of jungle gym. i am educated, i have been given all the opportunities one could want, i have chosen to stay at home for the children. and still i treat my two children differently. gender bias is not only about giving equal opportunities!!!
Name: female
Country: U.S.A.

hi u guyz got off topic. can u tlk abt gender bias more!
Name: beard opiuyo
Country: Kenya

what is put across is true because i have a statistic of the gen der bais
Name: AC
Country: India

i agree that it is true that the strange thing is that women propogate the notion and divide certain chores into 'feminine and masculine chores'. i think it is high time that work be looked upon as just not be categorised into male and female work. there was a purpose in dividing it earlier. it made practical sense when only the man worked and the woman looked after the house. it was a bias but it also made life systematic, orderly. but the same practices cannot work today when the woman is also working. it just makes sense that work be divided based on interest and ability. there is honour, dignity and great learning in every little chore in the world...whether it is cleaning toilets or running a country. the fact of life is someone has got to do the job...not men alone or women alone but every individual. it is in the nature of life. we all need to eat, sleep, be clothed, sheltered...there is 'work' in every part of life...and we all need to do it as humans...not as men or women. let us create a world where the men can take a break from work if they need to and women can enter any line of work they please. let's not divide ourselves more and more. we are the ultimate losers. i persoanlly feel great seeing men play with their kids in the parks and women work as auto drivers and conductors...
Name: nikita
Country: India

i am indian - my parents are very conservative - but fortunately as far as education goes, they were very liberal and gave us sisters equal opportunities as our brothers. ofcourse girls going out & working was looked down upon in our family (ours is a business family) however, after getting married, i started working and am really glad that i did so - today i am financially independent - not only that, i can take my own decisions and have an independent life style within the parameters of my married life and the kind of egoist that i am, i really am glad that my parents gave me a sound education to stand on my feet - i thank them for this. i have a daughter now and do not have the intention to have any more - i am very happy with my daughter - on my part, marriage will never be forced on her, on the contrary, am planning to send her to the states when she finishes school for higher studies so that she can have a great career - i strongly feel that we handicap our daughters with our primitive views otherwise there is nothing in this world that a man can do and a woman cannot and if we give our daughters equal oppotunities, then they can be as good as the boys and even better. in fact, girls should be made all the more financially independent in life so that in times of crisis, they do not have to succumb to humiliating professions to earn their living.
Name: tajiri rio
Country: Japan

nice articles to read on.....keep it up!
Name: frustrated
Country: India

i m from typical indian family. i cant pursue my mba coz i ll not get that highly qulified guy for marriage from mu community. and i m gal so i cant go to other city to study... wat is solution for such problem there is nobody who can understand girls feeeling even my mother somebody stated above womens enemy is not another man but another women..... i agree that!!!!


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