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Raising Children Topics..

You are here : home > Raising Children > Behavioral Problems > What to do if your child back answers you?

What to do if your child back answers you?

What to do if your child back answers you?

Children do learn from their surroundings. What to do if your child back answers you? Read on and get some parenting tips on dealing with a child who talks back.

Neena finds it difficult to deal with the rude words of her ten-year-old daughter but she knows the trick very well. Sometimes her daughter just refuses to complete her homework. Sometimes she thinks her mom is being unfair to her. Neena believes in calm parenting, she is totally against spanking. Neena firmly tells her daughter that her behaviour is inappropriate and not acceptable.

Often this trick works but what if this trick does not work? What to do if your child still back answers you? How can parents deal with disrespectful behaviours of children? How to deal with back talk?

What Parents Can Do to Deal with Back Answering

Here are some things that parents can do to deal with back answering in children. 

Talk to Your Child

There could be several reasons when a child uses foul words or just be rude. If your child back answers you, do not overreact by slapping or spanking. Understand the reasons why not to hit your child. Talk to your child. Understand what the problem is and address the problem calmly. You may have a small discussion with your child. Have the courage to say NO to your child if that is what the situation demands. Does your child watch too much television and back talk when you tell him to limit the timing?

As a parent you must be familiar with the words, 'it is not fair', 'you do not understand me', I will not do it', 'leave me alone.' Children try to become bossy at a time but you can make them listen to you without being harsh on them. 

Positive and Negative Reinforcement

Parents do lose their heads when children use dirty words. Parents should understand the importance of conduct but in the right way. You can teach manners to your child by showing positive or negative attitude when it is required. Note down the behaviours of your child. If he did five good things or displayed good manners, buy him a new pair of jeans. On the other hand, if he disobeys or back answers, you may restrict his use of video games or just take away his possessions for some time. Positive and negative reinforcement will encourage good behaviour and will discourage indiscipline

Compliment Your Child's Good Behaviour

Parents do prefer spanking when children display misbehaviour but do they praise good behaviour? Encouraging obedience will encourage him to show discipline next time too. Do you praise your tot when he takes your permission to go out to play? Do you compliment him when he hits the sack at the right time? Do you admire him when he does his homework on time? Encourage your child's good behaviour with praising words. A word of admiration will make your child think before being impudent. He will think twice before answering you back. 

Be Good Role Models

No one is perfect but being a role model for your child is not difficult. Do you fight with your spouse in front of your child? Take a notepad and jot down the bad words you used in the last week? Are you setting a good example in front of your child? Children blindly ape what they watch and hear. Your child may be following your example. Be careful while picking up the words in your day-to-day routine. It is effective to impose manners through actions than through preaching. 

Do not Tolerate Disrespectful Behaviour

You do not need to spank or scold your child while dealing with his back talk but you have to be firm. Address him immediately if your child back answers you. Tell him, 'you cannot back answer', 'this is not accepted behaviour' or 'I will not tolerate such behaviour.' Let him know where he went wrong. Make your child realise that his behaviour is not correct and that he should mind his manners. Be firm and do not give in to your child's sassy behaviour. Set some boundaries.

Simple Solutions to Handle Back Talk in Children

You may feel a strong urge to hit your child if he behaves rudely or answers your back but hold on. By doing so you are making them think that it is perfectly alright to hit someone. Here are a few things you can do if your child back answers you. 

Talk to Other Parents

Discuss with other parents who understand you and are close to you about handling rude behaviour of children. They may provide you with the suitable solutions that they have learnt through their parenting experience. 

Talk to Your Partner

It is necessary to bring the bad behaviour of your child to your partner’s notice. You and your partner may work out a suitable solution for dealing with the rude behaviour of your child. Then both of you can counsel your child about the bad effects of back answering. Having a calm family discussion can help to control this habit in your child. 

Do Not Get Agitated

Avoid giving excessive attention to your child's back talking or tantrums. Whenever your child back answers you, talk to him in a calm and positive way. Do not get agitated in the heat of the moment. Tell your child that you are not going to entertain his back talks. 

Set Clear Rules

Be clear about what is okay and what is not okay to say. You must teach your child what his boundaries are. Tell your child that you are his parent and disrespectful behaviour will not be tolerated at any cost. Your child must know that by back answering he is creating a negative image of himself. 

Avoid Hitting

Avoid hitting your child if he answers back. Hitting can affect the self-esteem of your child. Hitting can also affect the parent-child bonding. Never hit your child for petty mistakes. Back answering in children is a part of growing-up. Your child will definitely outgrow this habit when he understands the difference between right and wrong. 

Avoid Being Abusive

Respect your child, do not respond by verbally abusing him. Just as hitting can affect the self-esteem of your child, verbal abuse too can harm him. It can create a bad impact on the emotional wellbeing of your child. 

Teach Him Importance of Values like Respect

Sit down and have a conversation about respecting parents. Tell him different stories that highlight the importance of respecting parents. Teach your child that it is not only important to respect parents but also other individuals that are around him. Teach your child that respecting is an important part of building trust in relationships. Let your child know that it is necessary to focus on himself rather than focusing on the flaws and faults of others. 

Walk Away

Walk into the other room if your child goes on arguing with you. It is very important for you to convey to your child that you are only going to talk to him if he talks nicely or calmly. Avoid the situations when your child doesn’t stop arguing.  

Teach Relaxation Techniques

If you think that your child’s aggressive and arrogant behaviour is going out of control, you must introduce relaxation techniques. Relaxation techniques can surely help your child to calm down and avoid back answering. Here are some relaxation techniques that your child can follow. 
  • Meditation - Your child can practice meditation every day when he starts his day. Meditation can help to reduce aggressiveness. In the beginning, encourage your child to meditate for at least 5 minutes and gradually you can increase the timings.

  • Deep Breathing - Deep breathing is a simple technique that can help your child control the habit of back talking. Teach your child to take deep breaths when he or she is feeling angry or agitated.

  • Clenching the Fist – Clenching the fist is one of the ways to control anger or aggression. Teach your child that when he feels like back answering, he should clench his fist. Clenching fist can surely help your child to avoid anger, aggression and back talks.
Teach the Right Way of Talking

Make your child understand that it is very important to follow the right way of talking. Teach your child that the message that he would like to convey to someone can also be conveyed in a calm and positive manner.  

Teach to Ask for Help

Teach your child to ask for help if he is facing any problem due to someone’s behaviour. If he is angry or irritated with something, it is necessary to seek help instead of talking rudely or back answering. 

Teach Problem Solving

It is necessary to teach problem solving to children. Teach your child that back answering is irrational. Teach different ways to solve the problem instead of getting offended. 

Teach the Consequences

Teach your child that back talking can give rise to negative consequences. It can give rise to animosity and bitterness. The negative aspect of the character gets highlighted and he will get labelled for bad behaviour.

How does back talking in children affect them?

Back talking is a habit that can affect the growth and development of children. Therefore, this habit should be nipped in the bud. Here is how the habit of back talking affects their development. 

Child Gets Labelled

If a child continues the habit of back talking, he will get labelled as a bad child. Once the child gets labelled for his behaviour, it will be difficult for the child to come out of it. This will create a negative impact on his development. 

Child Lack Friends

If a child starts back answering, he or she may lack friends. Children may not like to befriend other children who are rude or who back answer. 

Feeling of Bitterness

Feeling of bitterness develops in the child as well as in the person to whom the child answers back. It affects the relationships of the child with others to a greater extent. 

Lack of Trust and Respect

No one likes to be in the company of rude and disrespectful children. A feeling of lack of trust and respect may develop among the individuals around the child. 

Lack of Support

Children who are rude and disrespectful lack support from others. As the child lacks support he will feel unmotivated to do anything. Such behaviour can surely reduce his inner strength and soul power.

What are the causes of back talking in children?

Most often the environment in which the children are raised is responsible for the kind of behaviour that they exhibit. Let us take a look at some of the common causes of back talking in children.

Behaviour of Parent

Children are good imitators. When they see their parents fighting and back answering each other, they learn to do the same. Therefore, it is necessary for parents to exhibit good behaviour in front of children.

Behaviour of Peers

Not only the behaviour of parents but also the behaviour of peers affects the growth and development of children. When children are in the company of friends who back answer and behave rudely, they too behave in a similar manner. 

Over Pampering

Giving-in to all the whims of children can develop rude and arrogant behaviour in them. When some of their demands are not met, they can start displaying arrogant behaviour in the form of back answering. 

Too Much of Pride

When parents praise children too much a sense of pride develops in them. They are unable to draw a line between pride and arrogance. When arrogance in children starts growing it may start showing-up in the form of back answers and fights. 

Tell your child to behave nicely or be prepared to face the consequences.At a certain age children do learn to think individually. They start exploring the world around them. They go out and make friends. They imitate their parents, peers and friends. They are rude at times. They make their parents go berserk by being impolite. They think parents are being dominant. Parents need to act smartly at such situations. Handling your child's rude behaviour calmly will make him realise his mistake. Next time he will be a good boy and not a spoiled brat.

What are the causes for the habit of back answering in children? How to deal with the habit of back talking to children? What to do if a child back answers in public? Discuss here.

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abhishek.8 years ago
thats really bad
bhavik.8 years ago
nice article for parents!
smita.10 years ago
recently my three yr son has come up with some unexpected behaviour like back chatting not listening to anyone.i sometimes losse my temper and hit him too but i knw that is not the solution to it.the thing is that he has become very stubborn and just wants to do what he wishes despite the fact that it might hurt or harm him.he has not yet started going to school and i also fear what he might do in school?pl advice for this problem of mine for it always keeps ticking me throughout the day
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