Coming to Blows

Sometimes, young children find it difficult to express their anger and frustration verbally. Hence, hitting is their way of communicating.It can be acutely embarrassing for parents to have their child labeled violent and aggressive. Your child must be made to understand that hitting is just not on.Veena Ranganathan and her four-year-old son Raman were out shopping when they got into a mild argument about buying an expensive toy. Obviously, Raman wanted it and Veena didnt want to give it to him. Raman initially lodged his protests by whining and screaming. Seeing that his mother was unmoved, he escalated his efforts to a full-blown tantrum culminating in him pummeling and hitting his mother. In this articleWhy some children are prone to hittingWhat to doWhy some children are prone to hitting While such behaviour is not very common amongst children, it does happen. So why are some children prone to hitting? Sometimes, young children find it difficult to express their anger and frustration verbally. Hence, hitting is their way of communicating. Other children hit to get attention or in an attempt to gain a measure of control over the situation. Some children because they feel crowded, when other people invade their personal space by pushing and shoving. However, the bottom line is that hitting is far from socially acceptable behaviour. You cannot have your child punching other people whenever things dont go his way. Parents want their children to fit in and hitting people is not going to help that cause. In addition, it can be acutely embarrassing for parents to have their child make an exhibition of himself and be labelled violent and aggressive. Your child must be made to understand that hitting is just not on.What to do This is one case when it is not advisable to fight fire with fire. Do not react by hitting or slapping your child. You will just be reinforcing his belief that hitting is a good outlet for anger. Remain calm and give him some time alone to simmer down. Supervise his play discreetly and if you notice that trouble is brewing, step in and suggest ways in which he can negotiate and compromise. In this way, he will learn that there are ways of preventing ugly situations and everyone getting what they want (more or less) without coming to fisticuffs. If your child has a tendency to resolve almost every conflict by hitting, then warn him in advance of the consequences if he hits you or somebody else. For instance, you can tell him that he will have to leave the playground or his friends house and go home. Make sure that you follow through. It may help if your child interacts with fewer children at one time and for shorter intervals before he has the chance to get cranky and frustrated. Lay down the ground rules that anger should be expressed verbally and not physically. Even when expressing anger, abusive language is a no-no. With older children, you can sit down and talk to them about it. Help them to understand the cause and effect of their behaviour. Suggest some outlets for anger like using a punching bag or going for a long walk. Praise him when he refrains from hitting. If hitting is a persistent problem, then consult a counsellor or a child psychologist.

Sometimes, young children find it difficult to express their anger and frustration verbally. Hence, hitting is their way of communicating.It can be acutely embarrassing for parents to have their child labeled violent and aggressive. Your child must be made to understand that hitting is just not on.

Veena Ranganathan and her four-year-old son Raman were out shopping when they got into a mild argument about buying an expensive toy. Obviously, Raman wanted it and Veena didn't want to give it to him. Raman initially lodged his protests by whining and screaming. Seeing that his mother was unmoved, he escalated his efforts to a full-blown tantrum culminating in him pummeling and hitting his mother.

Why some children are prone to hitting

While such behaviour is not very common amongst children, it does happen. So why are some children prone to hitting? Sometimes, young children find it difficult to express their anger and frustration verbally. Hence, hitting is their way of communicating. Other children hit to get attention or in an attempt to gain a measure of control over the situation. Some children because they feel crowded, when other people invade their personal space by pushing and shoving.

However, the bottom line is that hitting is far from socially acceptable behaviour. You cannot have your child punching other people whenever things don't go his way. Parents want their children to fit in and hitting people is not going to help that cause. In addition, it can be acutely embarrassing for parents to have their child make an exhibition of himself and be labelled violent and aggressive. Your child must be made to understand that hitting is just not on.

What to do

• This is one case when it is not advisable to fight fire with fire. Do not react by hitting or slapping your child. You will just be reinforcing his belief that hitting is a good outlet for anger.
• Remain calm and give him some time alone to simmer down.
• Supervise his play discreetly and if you notice that trouble is brewing, step in and suggest ways in which he can negotiate and compromise. In this way, he will learn that there are ways of preventing ugly situations and everyone getting what they want (more or less) without coming to fisticuffs.
• If your child has a tendency to resolve almost every conflict by hitting, then warn him in advance of the consequences if he hits you or somebody else. For instance, you can tell him that he will have to leave the playground or his friend's house and go home. Make sure that you follow through.
• It may help if your child interacts with fewer children at one time and for shorter intervals before he has the chance to get cranky and frustrated.
• Lay down the ground rules that anger should be expressed verbally and not physically. Even when expressing anger, abusive language is a no-no.
• With older children, you can sit down and talk to them about it. Help them to understand the cause and effect of their behaviour.
• Suggest some outlets for anger like using a punching bag or going for a long walk.
• Praise him when he refrains from hitting.
• If hitting is a persistent problem, then consult a counsellor or a child psychologist.