Respect is regard, consideration and appreciation towards the people around you. Respect is the foundation of human society, and hence every human interaction that takes place within it. It is clear then, that every relationship we have with people around us needs a certain degree of respect being extended from both parties. There are several reasons showing respect in relationships, romantic or platonic, is important. Here are some:
Being respected is a basic necessity.
Everyone deserves to be respected, regardless of their position in society or the power and influence they possess. Who does not like to be respected? Does it not feel good when someone treats us with kindness and respect? Everyone deserves respect which is why respect is the baseline of every relationship. Relationships cannot work without respect because respect is what levels the ground for the relationship is supposed to rest upon. If that ground is uneven, it will create unevenness in the relationship as well, if one person respects the other, but they do not respect them back. Such a relationship is headed towards hurt for both of them, or at the very least for the one who is not being respected.
Respect makes us feel secure.
When we are respected we feel safe and secure. Life is too short to spend it around people who drain us. Respect, when offered mutually, make people feel safe to express themselves naturally and drop the personas we uphold for others.
Respect is very often attached to other positive feelings
When we treat someone with respect, not only do we invite respect in return, but we also end up giving way to many other positive feelings. With mutual respect, a relationship also grows with affection, warmth, trust, and love. It enriches the relationship from every aspect.
Respect in relationships is discernible in how you treat each other in your day-to-day life. Even when you disagree or have an argument, you should be able to uphold the respect you have for each other instead of ego and anger getting to your head and value each other’s opinions and feelings even when they differ, the aim is to resolve the argument by “fighting” fair. Arguments happen in respectful relationships too, and that is exactly how they handle them - with respect. Trying to controlling someone or trying to make them do what you think is right or what want them to do, and even if not in actions then to force them to think the way you do is not respectful. In fact, that is toxicity in a relationship. Respect in a relationship translates to the freedom to be yourself. Embrace your true identity and in return, be loved for who you are.
In healthy relationships, respect can be found in:
Talking openly and honestly with each other - honesty liberates you to be who you are, and if you feel safe enough to be your true self, it is an indicator that you have felt respected enough to do so. Similarly, an indicator that you have been respectful to the other person is if they feel comfortable enough, to be honest with you
Listening to each other - Listening might seem like an everyday task, but genuinely and respectfully listening to someone takes skills more than just hearing what they say. It involves actually processing what they are saying, understanding the gist of it, remembering what they have said in the future, not interrupting them, and not trying to assume what you are saying and instead having the patience for you to find the right words. On the other hand, you too deserve such respect from the other person to understand that you are respected by them.
Valuing each other’s needs, thoughts and feelings - respecting someone is not limited to just the way we behave, but also how much value we place on the other person’s emotions. Respecting someone is respecting all parts of them, which involves also placing importance on their thoughts, emotions, needs, everything that makes them them.
Compromising - Every path we walk down in life requires compromise. Along the same vein, every relationship in life also requires an amount of compromise. No two people are the same, which means when two people have an association of any kind, it requires both of them to adjust to facilitate the other.
Speaking kindly about and to each other - There are a lot of people we deal with every day that we meet only briefly, and some of them can be very very rude. So when we talk to people who matter to us, them being kind to us is all we need really. So make it a point to speak kindly to those that are important to you, it is the best way to show them that you respect them. This respect also extends to outside your conversations with them, be respectful and kind towards them even when you are talking to others. It tells others you respect them, and that they are a respect-worthy person.
Giving each other space - When people think of the bonds they share with others, they are most likely to think of the moments they spend together, the stories they have shared, and the things they have in common. But an equally important part of relationships and respect in it is giving each other space. Also, respecting each other’s need for personal space.
Supporting their interests, hobbies, careers, etc… - Interests and hobbies are one of the few things in life we do purely for ourselves and our happiness, it is a small pocket of bliss in an otherwise stressful life, and when someone supports it, it is an incredible act of respect towards us. To support someone’s interest and hobbies, and career doesn’t mean that we have to invest in ourselves in it too, but it wouldn’t hurt to once in a while ask them what they have been doing as a hobby lately, or what is the newest thing they have seen that has made them feel excited. Even asking about their career goals, or giving them a safe space to rant about professional frustrations can be incredibly helpful.
Help them build themselves - we all are hesitant of changes, but changes are essential to growth. So when someone important is to you is hesitant or nervous about any life change, help them be put at ease by encouraging them. Sometimes we inadvertently end up discouraging someone from their dreams without meaning to, so we should also keep this in mind and take care of our words and actions, so they always show support and encouragement.
Respecting boundaries, no matter what - everyone has different boundaries, different limits of what they are and aren’t comfortable with, and it is very important for us to respect them in order to make the other person feel safe.
While it is very important to respect your partner in a relationship, it’s equally important to respect yourself. You cannot respect others, or even be yourself in any relationship, unless you try to respect yourself.
Self-respect is the basis for building confidence and maintaining healthy relationships with people important to you all throughout your life.
What is self-respect then? Self-respect is learning to accept yourself as a whole person, including your faults and flaws and everything you think you lack. It is understanding a person doesn’t have to be perfect or flawless to be respected, that you deserve respect regardless. It does not mean you have to think you’re perfect; it is realizing we deserve respect because we are NOT perfect. It is realizing perfection is not an ideal to be achieved, rather a process you have to place your faith in. You have value and are worthy simply by being you because you are unique and you are trying. Self-respect also means that instead of chasing standards others set for you, you hold yourself to your own standards, ones you have set for yourself knowing your limits and capabilities and try not to worry too much about what others think of you because what you think of yourself is just as important. It is important to take care of yourself, your body and mind and it’s okay if you’re still learning how to - whether that’s through maintaining a healthy diet, exercising, reading books that make you happy and learning about things that interest you, going to therapy (it isn’t something you have to “need”, therapy helps everyone, regardless of what stage of healing you are at), practising your faith or spirituality. Basically, anything that helps you feel better about yourself also helps you be better to others.
Self Respect and Self Care
Self-care is taking care of yourself in the ways that work best for you, make you happy and help you heal at your own pace. There is no one-size-fits-all way to practice self-care it and someone can’t just tell you. It is a journey you have to set out on yourself, figure out what works for you.
Healthy relationships need to include the time that you allocate for yourself and to explore your own interests, but this alone time can often be limited by work commitments, school assignments, or other responsibilities and stressors in your life. Self-care practices using the time that you can use for yourself to take the best care of yourself you can, whatever helps you. Self-care encourages you to have fun and relax - in any way that lets you feel lighter after you have done it, anything that makes you feel satisfied that you did it.
While self-care is extremely important for everyone, people who are survivors of abuse or have experienced trauma especially benefit from self-care.
Journaling
Start a journal. It doesn’t have to be serious, you don’t have to write regularly, and it doesn’t have to be as pretty as the ones on your insta feed. It can be intimidating to start journaling, and missing even one day can make you feel like you have “missed” so what is the point of it anymore, but it’d only be for yourself. Write however frequently you want, and write whatever you want. No one is going to see it.
Writing Poetry or making art.
Again, it doesn’t have to be good, it is simply an outlet for your feelings.
Take a walk.
Fresh air really does help air out a muddled brain. Take a walk, you will be surprised at the insights it might provide
Talk to an old friend.
In today’s increasingly self-centred world we can easily lose touch with those that matter. Talk to someone you haven’t talked to in a while, they would appreciate you reaching out.
All of these are good starts to your self-care journey, and can be therapeutic ways to express yourself and don’t require expensive tools or supplies — just keep in mind, if these are things you would rather keep private (diaries and journals or even your poetry) store what you create away from the people it may be about. It really doesn’t matter how you organize and express your thoughts, it should lighten you enough to make you feel good about yourself.
Some people might not enjoy writing or art, or may not feel at their social best at times to call up someone, or might not want to go for a walk. No problem! You can always find a number of other activities to practice self-care. Volunteering for organisations that give back to your community is a good use of your time and you never know, you could end up meeting new people with similar interests. Hiking or Urban exploring is good for people who like nature and adventure, some people find cooking very relaxing (and you get to eat whatever you cook, that’s a bonus!), plug in your earphones and listen to music, or learn a new language as an instrument to express yourself.
Taking care of your body includes physical activity like yoga, gyming, dancing, or even walking your dog. Not only are they a great way to exercise and exert some endorphins, they also help you appreciate all the ways your body works hard to keep you healthy.
The golden triad of self-care is to eat meals timely and regularly, get enough hours of sleep and drink plenty of water. When our lives get stressful and our minds are burdened we fall back on our bodies to help us move forward. It is very important to eat a balanced diet that includes vegetables, fruits, nuts, protein, and carbs. Avoid skipping meals because you are too busy, and try to stick to the same time to eat your meals regularly. Sugar-heavy and caffeinated drinks that a lot of us rely on to cope with stress can spike stress, give us headaches, create digestion problems, and cause difficulties in our sleeping cycles.
Some people spend time with their friends and family to relax and it makes them happy; on the other hand, some people find more relaxation on being with themselves for a while. Talking to a therapist is a better outlet for some people’s emotional health. The bottom line is, figure out what is best for you, as traditional systems of support don’t work for everyone, and alternates exist for a reason.
There are a million ways to practice self-care, finding one that suits your needs can be really simple and don’t overthink it or add to your stress by trying to identify the right way to do it. You don’t even have to find a new way, just look back on what you do or have done in the past that has helped you decompress. It could be something as small as taking 5 minutes to simply breathe and not think. It isn’t important what it is, but it is important that you take the time to do it.
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- The Indiaparenting Team
