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You are here : home > Raising Children > Parental Dilemmas > Problems with In-Laws? > Comments

Comments:

Name: Kristine
Country: U.S.A.
My name is Kristine Helm. My life has been sour since i became a cripple at the age of 13 and this has really affected my living. I met Nelson Justin during the Olympic when i was 24 years old and he was a very funny and caring guy who taught me how important i am to world. He made me understands been crippled is not the end of the world for me and i was very happy having him as my companion. Justin was a very hardworking guy and he promise to marry me before he left for business trip in China. Two months later he arrived from China and never visited me. I was told by my brother that Justin is now going out with my friend and this really broke me down cos he is the only one that truly loves me. No one wants to go out with me because i am a cripple. I and my brother traveled to South Africa to watch the world cup when i heard about temple of permanent healing. I never believe in God because i am a cripple and i believe that no one can ever make me walk again but when i heard about his great power, i decided to go there. I begged my brother to take me to temple of permanent healing. I spent 7 days in his healing center and it surprises me that on the 7th day, i was able to stand and walk. The priest told me that Justin was under a spell and he prayed for me to destroy every obstacle in my life. I came back home and i was shocked to see Justin. He came and begged me for forgiveness, our relationship came back normal. I am very happy to inform the general public that i and Justin are happily married since October last year and i am pregnant. I know that people might be passing through any problem and i will advise you to contact temple of permanent healing because his miracle is free. His email address is templeofpermanenthealing@hotmail. com

Name: Namrata
Country: India
It started 1 year back when i got married to my boyfriend. I am a north indian and he is a maharashtrian guy. First, everything was fine and then it started...... 1) My MIL feels that my upbringing is worst and she can only bring up children in a proper way...like her SON and DAUGHTER....her daughter of course is the best..A working DIL is not good wife...(She is working too but she is a good wife) 2) My MIL feels that i have worst dressing sense and wear cheap clothes...that does not match her society standards..i wear what i LIKE to and i am comfortable in...not what is costly 3) A girl or shall i call "SUUN" that what these people call their DIL, has to wear all sorts of gold ornaments like...everyday...everytime....I HATE ORNAMENTS TO BE PRECISE 4) She is more bothered about reputation in society than happiness of her own son and DIL..we get no privacy as she monitors my health issues also claiming that she is a NURSE...how ever let me remind that they are not supposed to prescribe..its ILLEGAL.. 5) I was once taunted regarding my hometown as well....but when it comes to their home town its the best...a village without streets...forget about street lights...and they expect me to go there every festival..... 6) Recently they have bought a 2BHK by selling their 1 BHK and i am afraid i will have to leave my rented house and stay with them in their house or shall i call it "EMPIRE".......I WANT TO BUY A SEPARATE HOUSE INSTEAD... Sugesstions Please...

Name: AMANDA
Country: Australia
I'm here to thank the great love spell caster Dr Lawrence for reviving my marriage and my family, I have been all alone ever since my husband left me and my 5years old child for a very long time I always think how i could have him back and make this family together again though is not as easy as that, Then i found out how Dr Lawrence had help many people restore their marriages i emailed him and he cast a restoration spell that heal and brought back my husband i am saying big thank you to the source of my happiness drlawrencespel ltemple@hotmai l.com

Name:
Country: India
My mother in law is hard to please. She keeps on nagging and creating problems for me. She does not want me to engage a maid and tells me that I have to do all my work myself. She tells my maid that I do not trust her. On the other hand she tells me that I have to supervise my maid all the time since she does not do her work properly. She is trying her best to drive out my maid. My maid is also unnecessarily getting involved in my family issues which I do not appreciate.Please tell me how I can tell my mil to mind her business and also retain my maid since it is very hard to get maids nowadays.

Name: Tatiana
Country: Canada
My Name is Tatiana, I was married to my husband for 8 years and we were both bless with three children living together as family until 2011 when things was no longer the way the was [when he lost his job]. But when he later gets a new job 5 months after, he started behaving strange and don't even come home sometimes pretending that his new job is so tight. Only for me to find out that he was having an affair with the lady that gave him the job. Since that day, when i called him, he don't longer pickup my calls. Yet my husbands just still keep on seeing the lady. Until I met a very good friend of my who was also having a similar problem, who introduced me to this priest. But i told her that if it has to do with things that i am not interested, but she said that it has no negative effect. She gave me the spell caster's e-mail address and phone number. When i contacted him, he told me the requirement after the spell has worked so i decided to work with him. I was very shocked when my husband came home on the third day and started begging for all that he has done wrong to me and our children. This testimony is just the price i have to pay for the good work that this great priest has done in my marriage. This man is good and he is the author of my happiness. His e-mail address templeofpermanenthealing@ho tmail.com

Name: maryann
Country: U.S.A.
Am giving this testimony because someone out there may have similar problem My Husband doesn’t think polygamy is wrong. He has been seeing another girl for about four months now. I told him that he needs to stop, but he says he is in love with her. They’ve talked about being together “forever” and eventually her moving in with us. My husband still loves me. He regrets getting into this in the first place, but is not willing to just break up with her. He says if they so break up then thy will be it and he will not pursue another relationship.

Name: nita
Country: India
i am an Indian woman, facing problem at in laws place... i want to get separated but my hubby is not ready.

Name: kajal
Country: India
i don't understand why in-laws are given so much of important

Name: simran
Country: India
this article is so encouraging and uplifting..:)

Name: samson
Country: Australia
I recently saw a testimony about a spell caster of some sort in a blog I visit for relationship and dating counseling problems because i had been having serious issues with my boyfriend and we had been dating for six months,he just suddenly changed,he was returning my calls,he started cheating,he was hurting me in so many ways i never thought possible and I just thought I should try it*maybe out of desperation of some sort*..and I contacted them..At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable,their consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little cos I heard read and heard lots of stories of fake spell casters,scams and i never really believed in magic..I played along with a little hope and and faith and I was sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle,everything went to a while new direction,it was and is amazing...I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day..I hope they could help other people too like they did me...I did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for*my husband,my family and my life back*

Name: Divya
Country: India
Same is the case with me. My Husband has been brainwashed by my in laws so much that he is not ready to listen & ready to leave me. If i am not coming to their terms & what are the terms? 50% salary in joint account for lifelong( already given them 1 lakh rupee by taking loan & bought all household item by my salary for our living) will h've go to his home 3-5 times in year(we live far away from them) will not go to your parental home while visiting hometowm(both are from same place) if you ar not doing job for baby's sake( i have a 6 month old baby) then permanently live with them without my husband. I tolerated all these & were constantly living under pressure & depression for 4 years. My husband tells them every details of our living & they interfere too much in my life. Some times i think even for peeing also he needs her permission. Now i refused to act under pressure. If my husband loves me,he will come to me after some time.otherwise its best to cry for some time than for whole life.

Name: NIthya
Country: India
i need solution for my problem. my mother in law and father in law using illegal words on me and my family. giving torture for dowry. she tell and give to my husband and making problem with us. he beating me bcoz of her. i want to give complaint on her. have to go separate with my husband. please help me otherwise i ll make suicide.

Name: vai
Country: India
i want to a simple question to all working married womens, that it is right to give all your salary in your inlaws hand & then ask them pocket money. pls suggest me the answer. i am in very difficult situation

Name: Helpless handicap female
Country: India
Well there is so much to burst out but will try to tell you. I am 27yrs old female and got married 3yrs ago with a very kind person. I am handicap and I lost parents at an early age. My sisters took care of me. So when my husband proposed me my sisters insisted to get married. He is Maharashtrian (only son ) and I am North Indian.I am well versed with marathi language and the custom as I am brought up here only.We got married and there were only 3 of us at home . MIL, my hubby and myself.The problem started after a month of marriage. My MIL went for a knee replacement operation after our immediate marriage and I have to take care of everything along with work. However, she started complaining about my work and used to complain my sisters about this. This frustrated me and I used to discuss that if you have any problem then tell me not my sisters. If that didnt work...she used to call my husband on mobile (while he was at work)and complain and he used to call me even though I was at work. I said that lets discuss all small things at home as I cannot concentrate on work because of such dispute .For few days it used to calm but again she used to start. We didnt had privacy as she sleeps in the bedroom and we sleep in th hall. Then I got pregnant and things were the same. Sometime she used to keep quiet but she disturb alot banging vessels,disturbing us while we are asleep. Because of which I used to make lots of mistake at work and one day I lost my job in a very big company. delivered a baby girl and was sent to my sisters place for 45 days as she wanted to burden my widow sister. After that I was at home only. She used to serve food for me but on phone she used to tell her friends that she eats so much and my son only earns.He is having so much of pressure etc etc. She used to backbite about me with her friends and the maid.Also many a time in my presence. This lady never sits at home she keeps on roaming here and there with someone or the other and used to speak ill about my character. Being widow she dont follow like the old people do. She wants her privacy....costly soaps, deos and shining sarees..nowadays she thinks that she is too young and started wearing punjabis...However when we couple go out then she gives bad words etc.

Name: Helpless handicap female
Country: India
Well there is so much to burst out but will try to tell you. I am 27yrs old female and got married 3yrs ago with a very kind person. I am handicap and I lost parents at an early age. My sisters took care of me. So when my husband proposed me my sisters insisted to get married. He is Maharashtrian (only son ) and I am North Indian.I am well versed with marathi language and the custom as I am brought up here only.We got married and there were only 3 of us at home . MIL, my hubby and myself.The problem started after a month of marriage. My MIL went for a knee replacement operation after our immediate marriage and I have to take care of everything along with work. However, she started complaining about my work and used to complain my sisters about this. This frustrated me and I used to discuss that if you have any problem then tell me not my sisters. If that didnt work...she used to call my husband on mobile (while he was at work)and complain and he used to call me even though I was at work. I said that lets discuss all small things at home as I cannot concentrate on work because of such dispute .For few days it used to calm but again she used to start. We didnt had privacy as she sleeps in the bedroom and we sleep in th hall. Then I got pregnant and things were the same. Sometime she used to keep quiet but she disturb alot banging vessels,disturbing us while we are asleep. Because of which I used to make lots of mistake at work and one day I lost my job in a very big company. delivered a baby girl and was sent to my sisters place for 45 days as she wanted to burden my widow sister. After that I was at home only. She used to serve food for me but on phone she used to tell her friends that she eats so much and my son only earns.He is having so much of pressure etc etc. She used to backbite about me with her friends and the maid.Also many a time in my presence. This lady never sits at home she keeps on roaming here and there with someone or the other and used to speak ill about my character. Being widow she dont follow like the old people do. She wants her privacy....costly soaps, deos and shining sarees..nowadays she thinks that she is too young and started wearing punjabis...However when we couple go out then she gives bad words etc.

Name: evergreen
Country: India
Hi, Give me suggestion to manage my inlaw. She is talkative. Always ruling me but not to do house hold works but to do my own work. She always thinks that whatever she does is right. I have to do what she says.I have to give my kid what she suggests. Always praise his son alone and not me. Always treat my kid as his sons kid and never allow me or my family to have more touch with the kid. She is very possesive with her son. She needs money money money. She wants to buy all the things which are costly for daily use. She spends money like water. Above all I cant bare when she always comments me to do my own work. Her torture is different. Please suggest me how to deal with her?

Name: Kumar
Country: India
Do women only face the problem of harassment from inlaws? What about harassed husbands Dominating Inlaws, indifferent wife.

Name: Vaidehi
Country: India
I have been married since 1 & 1/2 yrs. We don't stay with in laws, but they often visit us for around 15 days. They torture me like anything. They wont allow me to work in the kitchen as they are very orthodox, they wont allow me to watch TV, they want to sit and listen to they lecture. I am working in a software company and very heavy work, i get tired and come back home only to listen their taunts. My husband is very very kind and silent nature, whatever his cruel mom and dad say he agrees, and scold me every time. If i speak with them, they never listen, and start giving lecture or arguing with me, if i don't speak, they complain to my husband that she sits idle, she wont speak, she don't have manners to speak a word at least. I get tired and come from office with health problems around, they wont allow me to take rest. They scold me and complain my husband they she wont speak with us, she goes and sleep in her room. They haven't let our husband-wife relation to grow, by always bothering us. They always interfere in our personal matters. I am currently undergoing psychiatric treatment, still neither my husband nor my in laws able to understand my condition. They are too cruel. Also they dont have a girl child. And i have 2 brother in law's. My husband is the eldest of them. One of my brother in law is very cruel, another is very immature. The one who is immature used to stay with us for many days. We did not had privacy at all. Now when he moved out of our house when his childhood friend came to this place, my in laws are blaming me, that i have broke their family and all. They call up and complain something wrong about me to my husband, so that we should fight. Now they have come here for a month and creating misunderstandings between me and my husband. I have tried it very hard to change my husband, but he is not understanding it at all. I do 100 things to change him, but no use. It has become an unsolvable and intolerable issue. I want to walk out of this marriage, or suicide. Please help, please give some advice.

Name: priya
Country: India
Pls advise, i am 1st dil to my inlaws. They tortured me like anything especially my mil acting too smart before all others and my husband and fooled me by comparing me to my cosister who was married wihtout informing to their parents. when after 6 months of my marriage they used nag me by saying i dont have children and by god grace i became pregnant and had one wonderful child. Now my cosister was conceived after 4 years. They dont treat both me and cosisters in a same way. They give great respect to her and degrade me in every extent before others to me even before my hb. My cosisters hb supports her very much so they dont open their mouth and she got love marriage and me got arranged marriage. My dh allways degrade me in everyextent by comparing to others. I was strong those days and started doing job and studying and by keeping my son with them this many days. But now the problem is my Inlaws are going to 2nd son ( as her wife is pregnent). my dh also asked them to go for one year. The main problem is during their frequent naggings maximum times i dint answered back and after few days i started self defencing myself then i started stop talking to them. so now they are going there. My main fear is that my son i want to join in day care but i have an inner fear whether it is good my motherly views have a fear to join him in day care( One thing my inlaws used to take care nicely to my son). i also have a fear that if she ( Cosister) gives birth to any son my hb acts too priority to their family and also now i cannot go to their houses for that functions. Allready my mil started her own comments indirectly to me. I also have a fear that if something happens to my inlaws at their house, my dh wont excuse me and says that u only the reason for that. I am really confused. I truly want to take care of my son. Pls deadly i need of good suggestion. What i have to do. Right now i am not talking to them and they also not ready to speak to me. pls help me

Name: confidentgirl
Country: U.S.A.
It's easy to say something than to do it, but here's my piece of advice from my own experience.Hope this helps. I am also an Indian girl in the same boat. My husband and I had love-arranged wedding 7 yrs ago and was a happy association. My FIL is a very nice person. Problem is my MIL. I don't care/bother about her interference, nagging etc. as I am avery strong, confident women. She makes a kurukshetra (a major battle ) whenever she visits us in US for 6 months. She screams,shouts, accuses, insults and it's literally like a battle field for absolutely no reason.My husband loves his parents,supports them whenin need and I respect them. GOD onlyknows what her problem is. Not just with me. She fights with my FIL, my husband and also my brother-in-law. My husband is very supportive and by me always. tnx GOD for that. anyways thats my story. My piece of advice is pls don't lose confidence, hope. 1. first thing to do is to get support from husband. Make husband understand in a polite manner not by complaining. 2. Set expectations for your MIL. Dont be rude and at the same time don't be a door mat. Say firmly this is who you are and you are to be treated with respect and she cannot insult, hurt or psychologically affect you. Be Strong and say this firmly that she has to be nice and normal towards you for u to continue your relationship with her. 3. Ignore minute things and document any major problems with her so you have support if fight goes outside of family. 4. IF you have kids,pls don't let the kids face any problems between DIL and MIL fights. If your MIL is quarreling with you, take kids outside for play or take them to another room to read books and be with your children rather than quarreling with MIL. If situation is worse, move out or ask IL's to leave and let your husband support them remotely and let him visit them whenever needed as he's their son. 5. Share your trouble with a trusted friend/siblings or parents and try to get a solution that works rather than being bad,lonely, hurt, depressed etc. 6. If you don;'t have kids and you can't deal with ILs and husband is not supportive, move on with your life as you have the right to lead a happy., peaceful life. Leave and get re-married or concentrate on your career. This is not sita's time to stay in trouble your whole life. Remember GOD only helps those who help themselves. Don't lose confidence. If u do it means your cruel in-laws won over you.BE STRONG. This is just a piece of advice as it worked for me. I was hurt in the beginning but I came out of it and stood up for myself and it's better now. My MIL is visiting us for 6months again next week. If she begins a battle again in front of our little girl, this is the last time she'll come over to our house. PS: I practice relaxation exercises and read about stress relief. It helps. Tnx everyone for reading.

Name: New mom and frustrated
Country: India
I have been married for 4 years now and recently delivered a baby girl. Mine is a love marriage and in-laws stay very far off. They visit us for a couple of months once a year. In the initial days of marriage itself I realized the kind of people they are. They are totally dependent on my husband for their finances and hence they are very meek and submissive in his presence. But they try to be very controlling and interfering in his absence and I am very firm and polite in snubbing them off. It worked for the last three years. I could keep my cool and peace of mind in their presence. The problems started when I got pregnant. They tried to control everything right from my apetite during pregnancy and made snide remarks that I am eating too much [I am a very small built person and had haemmaroids during pregnancy, bcos of which, I completely cut out fried items, non-vegetarian and fatty foods from my diet and still they spoke this way]. After delivery they were very wild that I had my mother stay with me at the hospital. My daughter is the first grand-daughter in my parent's side and my in-laws have experience handling 7 grand children so far. They insulted my mother at every act regarding her cooking (soft diet for me after delivery) to the way she handles my child. MIL even treated my mother like a servant. But my mom did not react at all, so that we can keep a good atmosphere at home for the sake of my baby, and keep my relationship with my husband good. I got furious about my MIL's behaviour and I tried to snub her off as usual, but it only worsened the problem. Finally my husband himself interfered and sent them back. I am dreading their next visit. I am also very worried as to how I am going to take care of my daughter when I get back to work. My parents are currently staying with me. I do not want to continue that arrangement as my in-laws are very mean people and will speak ill of them that they are staying at their daughter's place. I do not want my parents to be at the receiving end of such comments. I do not want to express my feelings to my husband openly. He loves me a lot but still the subject of discussion is his parents and I don't want to hurt him by bringing this up. I have to get back to work in a month from now. Any ideas on what arrangements I can make for my daughter's care during the day?

Name: New mom and frustrated
Country: India
I have been married for 4 years now and recently delivered a baby girl. Mine is a love marriage and in-laws stay very far off. They visit us for a couple of months once a year. In the initial days of marriage itself I realized the kind of people they are. They are totally dependent on my husband for their finances and hence they are very meek and submissive in his presence. But they try to be very controlling and interfering in his absence and I am very firm and polite in snubbing them off. It worked for the last three years. I could keep my cool and peace of mind in their presence. The problems started when I got pregnant. They tried to control everything right from my apetite during pregnancy and made snide remarks that I am eating too much [I am a very small built person and had haemmaroids during pregnancy, bcos of which, I completely cut out fried items, non-vegetarian and fatty foods from my diet and still they spoke this way]. After delivery they were very wild that I had my mother stay with me at the hospital. My daughter is the first grand-daughter in my parent's side and my in-laws have experience handling 7 grand children so far. They insulted my mother at every act regarding her cooking (soft diet for me after delivery) to the way she handles my child. MIL even treated my mother like a servant. But my mom did not react at all, so that we can keep a good atmosphere at home for the sake of my baby, and keep my relationship with my husband good. I got furious about my MIL's behaviour and I tried to snub her off as usual, but it only worsened the problem. Finally my husband himself interfered and sent them back. I am dreading their next visit. I am also very worried as to how I am going to take care of my daughter when I get back to work. My parents are currently staying with me. I do not want to continue that arrangement as my in-laws are very mean people and will speak ill of them that they are staying at their daughter's place. I do not want my parents to be at the receiving end of such comments. I do not want to express my feelings to my husband openly. He loves me a lot but still the subject of discussion is his parents and I don't want to hurt him by bringing this up. I have to get back to work in a month from now. Any ideas on what arrangements I can make for my daughter's care during the day?

Name: Nimisha
Country: India
Hi, My husband is the only son .. so my inlaws visit on and off to our place ... but whenever there are here esp my father in law I see my son behaviour is different he would expect him to feed or bathe him .... My father in law really spoils him .. I am actually worried about my son future .. I do tell my father in law to stop these all in vain ... he interfears in what i give him for food and tells that my son eats food with him without any fuss and with me he fusses (Infact he keeps poking in each of ladies issue in cooking , talks etc thinks he is very authoritative and smart looking and big socialite ))... My son eats food well with me in his absence ... I am in a dilema ... Kindly advise ... My son is 3 years old .. I was working previously and had my in laws and parents taking turns to take care of him .. I am now at home and facing all the problems

Name: sadwika.priya
Country: India
my opinion

Name: sadwika
Country: India
This forum is really increased the confident levels, before visiting this forum i use to think i only in the world facing the problems like this after seeing the other womens problems i feel i felt they are so many in the world suffering are alike like me. Eventhough the forum may not give direct solutions to the problem but giving suggestions which are making us to think twice before acting. Really thanks to the creator of the forum and i also agree with the topic bcoz i am following the same principles in my life my engaging myself in job, studies and playing with my kid and maintianing distance with my in laws, but i also suggest that you all also maintain little distance from your husbands untill he understands the importance of you. Surely he will.. all the best.

Name: Desi Girl
Country: India
Ami, I am sorry for your situation. Many of us are sailing in the same boat. You thought your love could win and things would change for ever, but it did not. Your courtship was the trailer of your future. Any way now what you can do is up to you. Insulate your self. Your spouse is living with a power person and she controls everything around him. He is afraid of confronting her; he'll not stand up for you so don't even expect him to. What can you do? Give him a list of things you want. If he ignores you know your answer that you don't matter to him, even if he claims you are important he is doing nothing to validate that claim. Ask him to grow up he is not a 5 year old that mommy needs to tell him when to go and pee. Suggest you want him to come for couple's counseling. If he comes along well, if he doesn't go by your self. You need to learn to be assertive and voice your needs in a constructive way. Build your core- your connection with the creator because your happiness is your business. If you remain unhappy that is what she wants and you are giving her that.

Name: Indian gal
Country: USA
when two different mindsets/generations stay under one roof there are bound to be troubles. with understanding some of them can be solved, some ignored but the truth remains that either/both (dil & ils) are hurt in the process. the solution i think is to stay seperate right from day of marraige. indians better learn the fact that the dil is not a servant, free cook, caretaker of you and she doesnt owe you a thing. and ils are not free servants, babysitters till they get old. parents should learn to emotionally distance themselves from a boy and accept the fact that he too will go away after his marraige like a daughter. the desire to control the dil makes ils crazy nuts. i see many indian girls stressing that wont stay with hubby's parents after marraige in same house. 'prevention is always better than cure'.

Name: Ami
Country: India
well i agree that not eery mother-in-law is devil and not every dil is an angle. my husband and i were in love with each-other since 1997. we tried to convince her till 2001 she forcibly sent my husband to usa in 1999. we're staying away from eachother since then, she finally permitted us to get married in 2002 dec. now only time we get together is one hour chatting we do everyday. my mother in-law wants to read newspaper same time we chat. now she is not wprking person and she is home all day, she can read newspaper wheneer she want to. she keeps a check on my husbands account and will not let him buy me a single gift. i must mention that my husband is only earning member in family and he and both my in-lwas stay with him. but still eery expnse is monitored by my mother-in-law. if he buys a greeting card for me he has to hide from her. and she keeps blaming me for lesser dahej she got from my father.. all she is concerned about my father's money. and my usband wants to respect her and i too want him to respect and loe her cause being an india i'e been taught to respect and take care of elders. but what about my life. do i owe some love, time and care from my husband? what should i do in this situation..so i completely agree with smw that at a ponit its right to feel for and dil that his parents are not allowed if i'm not allowed to be happy with my husband. why should i care

Name: ********
Country: India
well said indian gal !

Name: Indian gal
Country: USA
when two different mindsets/generations stay under one roof there are bound to be troubles. with understanding some of them can be solved, some ignored but the truth remains that either/both (dil & ils) are hurt in the process. the solution i think is to stay seperate right from day of marraige. indians better learn the fact that the dil is not a servant, free cook, caretaker of you and she doesnt owe you a thing. and ils are not free servants, babysitters till they get old. parents should learn to emotionally distance themselves from a boy and accept the fact that he too will go away after his marraige like a daughter. the desire to control the dil makes ils crazy nuts. i see many indian girls stressing that wont stay with hubby's parents after marraige in same house. 'prevention is always better than cure'.

Name: Neha
Country: India
well said!this is very common problem with dils. you must keep it in mind that it takes a good time to cope with a entirely new atmosphere with your new in-laws. husbands are a vry loyal sons in the beginning. they do not have the habit of listening against their monthers. tghey try to be indifferent in the matters of mothers and wives. but rest assured, that if you keep on doing exactly as your hasbands want in the starting years of your married life, a time will come when he will realise that your problem is genuine and he will try to sort out your problem and mind it that solution would be a good one. if he is in your good faith, then after some time everything will be allright. i have also spent five years of my married life for solving all these issues and right now i am the happiest wife, it think. best of luck to all of your also.

Name: anjali
Country: India
well i have read all the views as well as the article with great interest, becoz i went thru hell for 10yrs due to inlaws probs. the final answer was to withdraw from my husband as well as inlaws emotional, physically, and spiritually,from my husband. then remain polite to both. finally i am strong enough to care for my self, with his financial help. the basic reason for his complete surrender to his mother and father brother and sister was that they had tried to impress all his growing yrs that they are responsible for his carreer etc. and the fact that i was intelligent, smart good looking and ambitious made tham jealous and hateful towards me. they used the dowry factor to set him against me' though he is a surgeon from a very prestigious college. so there lies the secret. its all brain washing. i have taken 20yrs to brain wash my husband against dowry, cruelty to women, criticizing the girls family routinely as though it is the mpst normal thing to do. atlast he told me " now i can see why u didnt like living here with my parents. so ladies .. each one has to find thier own way out. but be clever/ be constructive/ take help from experts/ not from other frustrated dils/ watch and observe how the family functions / and dont say too much at first. watch your words / never reveal all about your self or fsmily/ keep your distance/ dont start giving love and affection from day one. watch how the family functions then interact with care. all this if you cant get out form the joint family setup instantly after marriage. which is the best :-)

Name: Indian Man
Country: USA
courage ladies! i grew up in a house that was run like many of the ones described here. all i can say is that you should get out as soon as humanly possible. if you don't have kids get out now because you don't want to bring children into this world in such an environment. if you have kids, get out now because if you don't your sons will grow up to be abusers and your daughters will grow up to be victims. i promised myself when i grew up that i would never turn out to be like my father, and today i'm a happily married father of two. but people like me are unfortunately the exception not the rule. you owe it to your children (present or future) to get out.

Name: sad girl
Country: USA
i have been married 10 yrs to a cruel sadistic man and i live with my in laws. my mil is cruel, runs the house. i am a professional(physician) whose husband and mother control every penny. my husbands insults my parents,and as i continue to live with him, see traits of my mil rubbing off on him. he threatens me , my family, and i fear that if i leave him, i will never be able to see my daughter.anyone in my situation ?

Name: Hope
Country: India
hi everyone..i might sound sadistic, but really it does give me a little "out of the well" feeling and strength that i am not alone facing such nonsense... i am "living with my in laws from the day one of my marriage..slowly creeped in problems...mil wants to be the supremo...also in the same house are my bil, shi wife and their son who is pampered and taught all the out-dated styles of living. their constant interference in all the things he does...when he is questioned, mil and fil answer!! this is so ridiculous. it is hampering his child's life and his growth to be a a nice open minded chap...i dont think we will ever stay seperately..but i am hesitating to bear a child...ever since i was an adolscent, i have dreamt to having children and i have landed into this house of confused people....please advice....

Name: Xenie
Country: USA
i have lived for 6-7 months with my in-laws. i am a qualified doctor from canada and used to counsel women in abuse, emotional issues, etc. when i got married, my husband lived in the states, so i relocated. i have become one of those women that i counseled. my in-laws are so manipulative and clever, and i brought my self-esteem down so much...there were times i wanted to commit suicide....but thinking of my own family/my parents stopped me. my parents raised me independent, liberal and passionate....when i moved to my in-laws home....they indirectly made me a slave. i was treated like shit...but my husband still doesn't see this. finally, my husband got a job 2 hrs away from them, and we moved. they are still very controlling. they took away all his money before we moved because it was in a joint savings. we moved to ny and it costs a lot here. i can't work yet because my immigartion paperwork isn't finalized yet. i feel like a prisoner trapped...and the worst thing is the free-spirit i had in my heart is dwindling....i am not sure how to cope anymore. after reading these letters/articles...i am so shocked at how ununique this situation is. i pray for all us for redeeming our inner strength and self-love. i hope god takes care of our precious hearts....we all deserve love and not hate.

Name: Payal
Country: USA
before i got married my father inlaw ,came to india with my husband to see me ....he loved me & promised me i will b the happiest girl in their family ....i got married & came to the us ,my father in law changed & my mother in law who has lot of issues started her typical mil behaviour .....since then i have been depressed as i did too much for them i think ,thinking they are my parents too & never got anything in return but taunts & she always put me down ..after 3 months of living with them my father in law threw me out of their house my husband was supportive & we left ....i have stopped talking to them for the past 9 months now & i & my husbands relationship has improved & i am a happy person now ,i actually have my own life & my own friends & i feel happier from inside .they have hurt me so much that i dont think it can ever heal .....who gives them the right to behave like this with someone elses daughter .

Name: priya
Country: India
this dil &mil saga is universal what we can do now is to make our sons independent both emotionally &physically so that he can yhink as an rational thinker 7 take his own decisions .he don't have to depend on his mom or wife to think for him.then he can standup for his wife or mother whoever is sufferring

Name: naomi
Country: Other
am married for 6weeks but am already sick and tired of my in-laws.my father in-law will just traved from his home town just to come and see if we are quarrying.the next day his mother will come just to spend the nighnt, the next week his step sister will come and ask to spend 2weeks and my husband will prefer her prepare breakfast than me and alot am just tired and feel like crying out and doing something

Name: zzz
Country: USA
my in-laws are planning to visit us this summer.and i am already nervous, because they are nosy and pushy. i am a stay at home mom. and i don't know how my husband will treat me with them around.any tips on how to handle nosy and pushy in-laws. than ks.

Name: ray
Country: India
hi, trust me u are not alone in this world. wish we all could form a union. anyway, u all might be amused to hear my part. i and my husband live here alone in us. our families are half way on the other side of the globe. still the power and influence they can cast is what amuses me. my in-laws and their daughter(my sis-in-law) who is married and still stays with them are slowly starting to be my biggest source of confidence drain. it statred with my sis -in -law feeling left out from her brother's life. as i came in, he started telling me things which he used to share with her. once my sis-in-law( she is the youngest) is upset, the whole world goes topsyfor my in-laws family. so resentment started towards me. now married for 3 yrs, i had a miscarriage, and guess what, my father-in-law, when we called up on our usual weekly calls told his son (knowing that we were on speaker phone, and boht of us can hear) that my miscarriage was something i did for myself(like an abortion) and it was not a miscarrriage. i was shocked, cause it has just been 5 months after the incident, and i had not fully come out of the depression myself. and there sits my husband hearing all this and not saying a word. when i talked about it to him, he blamed me instead saying, i am being judgemental and not understanding since his parents were uneducated people. this is the topping of the cake, i had many incidents where i feel vindicted, and while i try to discuss it with my husband he turns towards me and blames. what irks me here is that when his sister had problems with her in-laws and she told him the issues, he was mad at her in-laws and so furiuos that had he seen them in front , he might have slapped thme right there. so do u all get me, men can be real "bithces" when they want to and be non-confrontal, cool, let-go types when it suits them.i am now 3 months pregnant and this nuisance from thousands of miles away has taken my peace away. i know i have to be calm and not stress out during my pregnancy. ut cant help. i am home maker, which makes me all the more feeling dependent, enslaved and what not. i want to think out some way to deal with my pain-( i don t want to deal wiht my husband or his family) and move on. thanks for reading

Name: miranda
Country: usa
my in -laws are about to come from india to usa to live with us for 6 months. i am not indian. any advice on how to behave to make things work???

Name: its time to let go
Country: USA
amee, i think you may need to realize that regardless of this person's parents you are not healthy in this relationship. if you are already needing to seek psychological help before getting married then the options after that are few. the person you are dating must really be ignorant not to understand the effect if you told him you are seeking professional help. as for getting better in laws you are probably in luck. i thought asking someone if they wanted water was pure etiquette. obviously they were not looking forward to meet youy and starting on that foot is hard to change. at best, you can just wish for a simple hi or hello when you meet. get out while you can!

Name: amee
Country: USA
all these articles have really helped me. however, i am in a little different situation. i am not married yet, but told my parents and the boy's parents that we want to get engaged. engagement is two months away. his parents knew we were dating since day one. they never took interest in getting to know me and when i finally did meet them they didn't even talk to me let alone offer me a glass of water in their own house. and you guessed it, the boy didi not defend me. instead when things like this happen he brings them to me and says it partly my fault. i have never uttered a bad word to his parents because i respect elders whoever they may be. so my question is are in laws all bad and should i just accept it? its not too late to call the thing of. the boy thinks that i just have issues. mainly he thinks that because i had to seek a psychologist for his parents effect on me that i am not credible. the truth is i feel so weak and powerless when i bring an issue to him and he says "why am i even involved". i get confused because after all they are his parents and with marriage comes responsibilites. its funny because when my parents have problems with him--which are so trivial--i just discuss it with my parents without telling him and fix it. he has never done that for me. so is this relationship worth it?

Name: missproblems
Country: india
hi there when i was reading through this article i understood that i am unique as my problems are very unique my hus is in h1 visa and is making good amount of money as a consultant, but it is always his money. i never got a chance to spend a single penny, except that he gave me food and clothing. i am just wondering whether you r also like that? do u have freedom to spend u'r hus's money? anyway i got a job and till then all the house expenses are 50-50 or me paying 75%. and all the house work(he needs indian food everyday) belongs to me. that is one side, the other side is his inlaws.they are being very cruel. but shows 'my dear' approach infront of my hus. so he thinks they are very good, and i am very bad as i used to shout where his mother always talks 'sweet'. not knowing what lies underneath it then comes the third problem. he never cooperates with my relatives, saying they are all bad. i don't know what has gone wrong. is anyone else experience the same problems as me? regards

Name: Ajax
Country: canada
to mia: all i can say is keep your distance physically and emotionally and if you can, try to let them know that next time they should come for a shorter stay. it's taken me 3 years but i have finally managed to tell my in laws that 1 month is the maximum i can have them over. you will get a lot of pressure believe me.. relatives will tell them .. you are paying so much money... you should stay at least 3 months........ but be strong as your sanity depends on it!!

Name: angel_scent
Country: philippines
well,on my part,if i will get married i will make sure that the family of my future husband or common called in laws will be close to me because they will be my family soon and being there daughter in law i will be good to them and do my best to be a good wife to their son. lets accept the fact that marriage is a lifetime commitment. god bless us all.

Name: Jen
Country: usa
my boyfriend's mom of about a year now still doesn't want to meet me because she thinks i was the reason for her sons divorce. she's best friends with his ex and takes every opportunity to schedule events so they can still be one big happy family. now she is doing things with her ex-daughter-in-law and her new boyfriend and still won't even let me in her driveway. there's a little girl who's 5 that loves being with me, but wonders why i can't meet grandma. my boyfriend won't let himself love me 100% because without his mom's acceptance he's having a really hard time. what do i do at this point?

Name: wondering
Country: usa
while reading all it helps out a little.my problem is my in laws.my husbands parents are dirving me up a wall.his father thinks that he does no wrong and when he says jump you better.the sad thing is that my husband and his brother they jump.my sister-in-law and i think their childhood has something to do with this.my mother in law will put a guilt trip on the boys like they owe her something.and don't even try to tell her she are my father in law are in the wrong because this is when she will turn on the tears and boy does she.i guess i'm tired of his parents acting as if we owe them.i'v told my husband more than once that he needs to stop breast feeding on her.this is how he makes me feel because he tip toes around her.now he has at times told his father how he feels but i can do that by talking to a wall.how do we tell them that this is our life together with our five children and let us be a family.i wish they would just step back and get a hobby.i'm not saying we will not see them are talk to them.it's just that i want my family to be able to be just that.

Name: nvy
Country: india
good article, my mil is a devil. she pretends in front of e'one that she is good , she has 2 daughters who are replica of her.devils , & my fil , does e'thing from folding her saree to pressing her feet!!! she thought she can rule over me. i was very humble in the beginning , now i have become the reverse, i have showed them how i can change. but the saddest part is my husband does not realise the tension they are creating in our life. pray god that they die soon . that's all i can do. what do u say?

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