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Raising Children Topics..

You are here : home > Raising Children > Parental Relationships > Bringing Up Father

Bringing Up Father

Bringing Up Father

Fathers have a far greater role today in bringing up children. Read on to know how a mother can help her child's father to be a better dad.

Dads will be dads. No matter how involved with the children they are, they can never be as good as mom. Sometimes, mothers make it easy by giving dads an escape route from active involvement in the chores of bringing up baby. "Learned helplessness" allows dads to get out of unpleasant tasks, especially with mom constantly stepping in. Mothers and fathers alike have to learn to become parents-it's just that mothers get much more practice.

Few dads measure up to mom

As you watch the father take "care" of the baby, how often are you tempted to step in and take over?

Whether it is burping an infant or tying up the Princesses' hair just so, think about how you become THE expert. Did you too not struggle and make mistakes? Yes, you can soothe a cranky baby much faster than he can. But the moment you take over dads' bumbling attempts at the job you now do so well, the moment he hands you your fussy baby instead of soothing her, you deprive yourself. AND you deprive the baby of having another competent adult to fall back on.

You deprive Dad of a chance to learn.

The trick is not expecting him to be you

Let Dad do things his way, he is not there to replace you. Keeping this in mind may help you the next time you want to offer him a solution- your solution.

Dads are not male mothers

The mother is the father's source of information, his guide. Both are parents, both share the responsibility, but both have different roles to play. Accepting this is the first step to complementing each other. The next step is to communicate and understand each other's perspective of the task of parenting.

Fatherhood is not a part-time job

Fathers do not baby sit to leave you free for other chores. Adjusting your thoughts to treat his babysitting as the time dad spends to bond with the child makes father a part of child rearing. Including him in the process involves him more, even if they do spend the time giggling over cartoon channels. You can also suggest ways and things they can do together - a stroll after dinner, or the evening bath and bed routine.

Don't demand perfection

Father may have fun dressing up his princess. He might not pick the perfect outfit (as defined by mom), but if it does the job, avoid interfering. Nagging him isn't going to work - the biggest hindrance to being a good father is a constantly critical partner.

Fathers, note

Merely being present in your family doesn't make you a good dad. Passively being dad means the mother will probably get too involved in being mom, shouldering a larger part of the burden. The result? An alienated father. If you don't get actively involved from babyhood, you deprive yourself genuine opportunities to grow with the baby. Yes, mom is better at playing with baby or soothing her when she cries. But that is because she has had more practice. Don't deny yourself the opportunity to be comfortable with your child due to a lack of practice.

Being a father is not only about changing diapers and soothing a cranky child. It is about working together to be a family.

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Kraish Kews.6 years ago
We are expecting our second baby in a few weeks and I believe this time around my husband will be helping from the beginning.
Nim sood.6 years ago
I do believe that many (maybe even most) men consider themselves as a backup in the basic, day-to-day child care. It comes from hundreds of years history of social norms, and it is normal to take long time to overcome those social norms.

My husband, for instance, was very intimidated from taking care of our son when he was born. (I was too, but for most, I just had to learn by experience)

I ended up push him into doing those responsibilities, such as changing diapers, bathing, feeding, etc., and it took time but now our son is almost 2 1/2 years old and my husband is not only more confident as a father, but also has much stronger bond with our child.
Noora.6 years ago
It’s very likely that your husband performs loving acts for your children all the time, whether it’s giving them hugs, making them lunch, driving them to soccer practice, or paying the tuition and dental bills. Taking notice and verbalizing your gratitude for these things will not only teach your children to appreciate their father, but will make your husband’s heart soar.
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