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You are here : home > Confident Child > Self Esteem in Kids > Building Self-Esteem in Children

Building Self-Esteem in Children

Building Self-Esteem in Children

A guideline to build self esteem in kids.

The dos:
  • The first thing to do is to love your children. While this may seem obvious, you have to love your children in a way so that they can feel it. You need to demonstrate your love in a way that they can understand. The fact that you love your children may be obvious to you, but it isn't always to them.
  • It is important to make them feel that they are lovable, likeable and that they are worth caring about.
  • Parents are human so it's not going to be possible for you to always give your child positive reinforcement and be kind and patient. However, we often don't realize it but sometimes when we snap impatiently at our children, we often say things that leave an impression long after we've forgotten. Try to keep the 'put downs' to a minimum.
  • When you praise them, don't be ambiguous and just say that they have been 'good.' Specify exactly what aspect of their behaviour has earned your praise.
  • Listen carefully to what they have to say. Be sympathetic when they have a problem. Don't brush them off.
  • Encourage them to think for themselves and to do the things that they're good at.
  • Reward them with your time and attention, not with presents.
  • Spend time alone with them on their terms, not just at your convenience.
  • Give them age-appropriate responsibilities like putting dirty clothes in laundry basket or putting toys back after they've played with them.
  • Allow them to exercise their judgement on things like how to make up with a friend or what they want to wear, etc.
  • When they're trying out something new, don't hover over them anxiously and offer to help. Let them do things for themselves.

The don'ts:

  • Your child must know that you love him just the way he is. So don't make your love conditional on good behaviour.
  • When you criticize something that your child has done, make sure that you put it in a way so that he knows that it is his behaviour that is wrong and not him. He must realize that you disapprove of his behaviour and not of him.
  • Don't blame your child for the things you do. Don't tell him that, "If you hadn't distracted me, I wouldn't have forgotten about my appointment." When you blame your child, you make him feel guilty and ashamed.
  • Don't make sweeping criticisms like "You're useless"or "you're lazy." The child will think that there is nothing he can do right and he will stop trying.

You may also be interested in:

Labeling Your Child
The Key to Self-Esteem
Constructive Criticism
Dressing Up
Bullying and Children
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BrainSketch Solutions
Empathy, Considerate and Patience are some of the features of good parenting. Particularly in pre-teens and teens children become impatient and may get irritated often. This is when you as a parent should display tact ! ...Well-written article.
EAGLE1.12 years ago
i tried to find articles on self worth,but self-esteem keep popping ip
the are not the same thing;
self esteem has to with fetting external validation through prise and recognition and applause
with self-wirth,one validate oneself with the satisfaction of a job well gonr ergardless of other people's opinion
Chantillie Oliver
Chantillie Oliver.12 years ago
you need some avise are teenagers and younger adluts
Aparajita.12 years ago
i think the article was really helpful & i am really looking forward for some positive result as per my son is concerned,my only worry is i always loose patience with him very fast. and it is tremendous worry about him which is usually express in anger has lost his confidence& at times he started hating me. i am sure trhis article will help me a lot
padmini.12 years ago
i feel if parents themselves are low on esteem it would create problems for the child.
Ashutosh Nigam
Ashutosh Nigam.12 years ago
to padmini:
it is a vicious circle, parent are they as the grand parents were that way and so on.
the parents need to accept themselves and then follow then tips. i will add some more things like. parents should not try to impress on child that they are perfect as it will be more hurting for kids when they realize the truth by experience. and it will happen sooner than they expect. for example lets say a father is short tempered then he can say "look i am short tempered but it is not a habit i want in me or my children. i am trying to over come it. please don't copy my this habit. the good news is i know what is good and what is not good for you, so i can guide you on that. i am trying to come over my short temper and will win over it. ...."
tony.12 years ago
it is a v nice article. keep it up....
gidjet.12 years ago
i have a nine year old born in august,
she does have some friends, but is often lost in a group, not one of the popular ones. she has taken her comfort in animals, and in playing with 7yr. olds. we have a 9 month old golden retreiver, she loves it, but it is not working out here, we need to let it go to a bigger home. she is devasted, this along with the changes in fourth grade make her say, "i hate myself, i wish i was dead.

this hurts me, how can i help her? i can tend to loose it, i admit i am menopausal......i don't like to see her without any confidence. how can i get her to a level where she feels that she likes herself? i don't care if she is
popular or not, however, i am hurt by her comments......

please help.
xvx.12 years ago
jm.12 years ago
we should create example before the child for all good things. it is natural tendency of the mind to grab things. we have to make him understand with live examples at appropriate time then they will realize gradually. it is lengthy process which is understood by the children with the age. but we have to continuously make efforts to improve upon them with offending them or losing temper. some body said that in the teaching of spiritual guru, the same things are repeated, the anwer was how can there can be a new route to god one god is one, path is one.
it takes time, but never loss patience and teach values and ethics to children regularly which will yield excellent result in the long run when he/she grows.
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