Dealing with the
prospect of their parents splitting up is hard for any child, but you
ensure that your children undergo minimal pain and uncertainty by
carefully before breaking the news to your
Dropping the dreaded ‘D’ word
upon your innocent little children is a mission that most parents in the
situation fumble at. Divorce is
a double-edged sword, harming all involved in the process. Children are
collateral damage in every divorce. In order to minimise the damage
yourself and your children, it is necessary to prepare carefully before
them about the impending divorce. In order to help your children process
news better; anticipate difficult questions, sort out your own
about the future, plan which details to share and which to withhold
talking to them.
What to Say and
Your children deserve to know the
truth but you need to make it child-friendly. Show empathy but discuss
important issues upfront.
Parents Should be Present for the
It is important that you and your spouse put
all your disagreements for the sake of your children and present a
front. Jointly come up with an agreeable explanation for your
before telling your children; and try to stick to it no matter what.
of both parents comforts children and shows them that while their
relationship may be changing, they are not losing either of their
the divorce.Do not use the announcement as a way to blame your spouse
will traumatise your children
As part of the family, your
children are entitled to know that there is going to be a major change
family dynamic. Tell them that you are getting a divorce gently but do
around the bush about it. Simply explain that you and your spouse can no
get along. Avoid getting into long winded rants about who is at fault.
Their Age in Mind While Sharing Details of the Divorce
Younger children are normally
satisfied with simple explanations but teenagers may
demand more information. If you decide to share more details, endeavour
spoil either parent’s image in your children’s
“We Love You.”
It may seem simplistic, but it is
an important powerful message that your children need to hear. Assure
while your feelings for your spouse may have changed, both you and your
will always love and care for them.
When there have been
heartbreaking incidences like infidelities, it
is difficult not to blame your spouse in front of your child. But it is
important that you show restraint and be respectful to your spouse while
explaining the divorce to your
Provide Details about the
Foresee the questions your
children will have about where they will be living and with which
Prepare your child by acknowledging that some things will be different
that you will take their opinion in making the decisions wherever
Changes in Arrangements
Discuss the living situation with
your children before making the changes. Your children
should not have to wake up one day and find that their father has taken
belongings and vanished.Share basic logistical information such as changes in
schedules and extra-curricular
Reassure Your Children
Many children blame
themselves for their parents' marital problems. They mistakenly assume
divorce is a result of their bad academic performances, arguing with
misbehaving, etc. Often
children end up believing that one of
their parents do not love them anymore which is why they are leaving the
These are very real fears and need to be treated by constantly
that they are loved and not to blame for marital problems.
Provide specific details
about the parent who is leaving the home. If possible, both parents
staying in the same home for at least a day or two after telling your
Additionally, invite your child and your ex-spouse together for a meal
new house after settling in. This will comfort you child by showing that
family dynamics are different now, the child will still be able to
loving relationships with both his
Not Give them False
Just because divorce is difficult for you
and your children to deal with, do not give your children the impression
there might be a possibility of you and your partner working things out.
hope only helps in creating more bitter disenchanted children that blame
for all their problems.
Expect your children to have
a lot of new questions and concerns over time. Answer truthfully as far
possible and admit you do not know the answer when you don’t. Give your
some time and space to adjust to the news. Help your children cope with
divorce by being patient and making an effort to ensure the steady
both parents in their lives.
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- The Indiaparenting Team
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