1 out of 4 women might experience a miscarriage. The experience can be devastating but with a little help you can try to cope with the grief and pain.
No one other than a mother and a father can feel the true grief of a lost baby. A miscarriage is a brutal reminder of nature's law of survival. Miscarriages usually take place if there are any deformities in the foetus. It is nature's way to ensure that you have a healthy child.
While friends and well-wishers do their best to make you feel better by saying that it is common and happens to many people, it is not an explanation enough to what you and your baby had to go through. Coping with a miscarriage is difficult but with a little help and hope, you can surely rise above the grief and pain. Who knows, you may even have a healthy baby in future?
How can mothers cope with a miscarriage?
Some women bond with their babies as soon as conception occurs, while some when they experience the baby moving and growing. It is unique for every woman. The bond between you and your child may make you feel that probably something is wrong with you. You may even begin to blaming yourself what happened. The question, 'why me', can keep hounding every now and then.
The blend of physical and emotional suffering needs time to heal. So give it time. The emotions may even remain with you forever. But it is better to keep these emotions as fond memories of your child you didn't know, but kept safe inside you. Being strong can be the last thing you want to do, but have faith that you will get through this.
How can fathers cope with a miscarriage?
Though it is a popular belief that men might not feel very involved in a miscarriage, it is good to remember that the child was a part of them too. It is a challenge for fathers-to-be to remain strong to support the grieving mother. The turmoil of emotions is as present in a father as in a mother. A man might even blame himself for the lost child.
Do not worry about hiding your feelings. The
best way to deal with them is to share them with your partner. Having
an open heart-to-heart talk with your partner can make a big difference
and strengthen your bonds even further. What has happened is nobody's
fault. Take some time off and spend it together.
Ease your soul
- Feel the grief, let it sink in, you deserve the space and time to address the child that has left you
- Talk to each other, cry together. Share your inner most feelings with your partner or somebody whom you trust
- Take rest and relax
- Talk to people who have been through a similar experience.
- One way to vent your feelings is, to be on internet. Join a forum that has people who share the same experience. It will help you discover that you are not alone.
- You can write a blog.
- Try reading some religious books, it might help you
- Do not hesitate to take help from a counselor or therapist
- Write down your feelings in a diary. It is private and will
serve as a record of what you experienced. You will value what you
Remember you are not alone. There are many couples out there who might have gone through similar experiences. 90% of women who experience a miscarriage with their first pregnancy will have a successful second pregnancy.
It is very easy to go into depression, so be easy on yourself. Take each day at a time. Easier said than done, but the rocky path will soon turn to greener pastures.