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You are here : home > Confident Child > Building Confidence > Comparing Children

Comparing Children

Although all parents are told time and again not to compare their children with each other, or with children of their friends and relatives, they cannot help but do so. After all, this is the way parents judge whether their child is 'just' average, or above.


Sudha says, "I went to a birthday party, where all mothers were just sitting and talking about how smart their children were. By the looks of it, every child has something special. But then, on the way out, I overheard the mother who bragged the most about her child, yell at her on the way out and call her a careless girl who's good-for-nothing, because she had forgotten to give her a message."

If you feel your child is special, shouldn't you make sure your child knows how you feel? "I never told my daughter how beautiful I thought she was, because I thought it would go to her head," says Veena. "In any case, looks are so superficial."

Maybe so, but looks may be the most important thing in a teenager's life. And a teenager who is insecure about any aspect may easily lose focus. A secure child, on the other hand, is more likely to work hard and fulfill his potential.

Many children develop insecurities at school. They bring these insecurities home, and it is up to the parents to work at removing these insecurities, and making sure a child is comfortable with himself.


Every child is special

Every child is special in his or her own way. Yes, your neighbour's daughter may be able to recite the numbers up to fifty at the age of two, but your daughter is always smiling, and laughing, hardly cries and has the temperament of an angel. That's special too. It doesn't matter if your son cannot read as quickly as his brother. He may be good at tennis, so don't forget to tell him how proud you are.


Above or below average, any child can shine

Parents almost never admit their child is average to others, and secretly keep hoping they spot some hidden talent somewhere that will prove how special their child is. There's nothing wrong in being average, or below average. Winston Churchill was dyslexic. He failed sixth grade in school, and was poor in studies. He also had a stutter. But as far as famous people go, he rules the roost! He was an incredible orator, a great leader, and a Nobel Prize winning author.


Let your child know he's exceptional

Yes, parents long to believe that their child is gifted in some way. Instead of constantly telling everyone how your child is smarter than everyone else, just believe it, and let your child know that you think he is special. That's more important.


Academic performance is not all-important

Don't push your child too hard to do well academically. Yes, you should certainly encourage him to study and to strive to do the best he can. But just because you stood first in your class at every exam, doesn't mean that your child has to do the same. Let your child find his own strengths.


Comparisons worsen the situation

Don't compare children in front of your child. If a friend's child won the Gold Medal, don't discuss it in front of your child, especially if your child is a weak student. It is far better you speak to your child directly and work with him to improve his performance, than admire such other child aloud and hope your child will garner inspiration.

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Comment: 
Name: Varsha Tyagi
Country: India

I do agree with the article. Sometimes parents cannot control themselves from comparing their children with others. Even, I used to compare my daughter (who is doing her grade III in Orchids International, Bangalore) with her friends. Every child has his/her own innate talents and comparisions with others could bring your child's morale down. My child isnt academically proficient, but is excellent at art. I am encouraging her to pursue it as more than a hobby.
 
Name: Praveen Premkumar
Country: India

Learnmile is doing a workshop for Parents of children going to CBSE schools (Grades: 4,5,6,7,8,9), Focused on helping the parents do more for their child, especially from an assessment (CCE), time management, stress management perspective. This workshop would be chaired by Education/parenting expert/s who would strive to help parents discuss, bring out their top queries and suggest solutions within constraints. This is only "by invite", & "no fees" workshop for parents at Gurgaon. There are only limited seats for the workshop (12), out of which, there are 7 left as of now. Registration would be done on "first come first get" basis. Date: 10th July, 2012 - 11am To book your seat, call 0124 6455175 www.learnmi le.com)
 
Name: Sunil Kaushik
Country: India

i agree with the article, because comparing between children grow lot of compition among them, which i the is not a good idea... thank you
 
Name: Rajashri Chopade
Country: India

yes i agree with u. your baby is spacial for u but do not compare with any baby.
 
Name: Anna
Country: U.S.A.

this was a great encouragement. i have in the past dealt with someone that was always comparing everything with themselves, even i guess right down to our children. i just realized this.. comparing can hurt you or another parent and friend. or you can hurt your children or theirs. this is not wise! it can even build all these negative thoughts in your mind, and it will show or come out one day, as did with someone that was close to me. it confused and hurt us. friends should not do this. we are all special in different areas, and this is for different reasons. life is a learing process, we all arrive at different points at different times. when we learn we should help another, not say we are great, or my child is great. my children have strengths in different areas. those that compare themselves with others are not wise. those that compare themselves to say they are great, are really by themselves with that. and they will hurt themselves, their children, or all others. :( to be grateful stops us from being so proud. anna-i died & met jesus


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