Lying - How it Begins in Children

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You are here : home > Raising Children > Behavioral Problems > Lying - How it Begins in Children > Comments

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Comments:

Name: Mishra
Country: India
the origins of lying lie in pressure to conform to expectations. Parents need to be understanding, even teachers. I find Orchids very strict about the behaviour of the teachers towards kids.

Name: Payal
Country: India
Parents need to be very careful in every stage of child's life. Blaming on others while telling a lie due to fear and there are other scenarios that go with this trait. How to help the kids understand and make them good is what really matters. Wonderful post!

Name: Mak
Country: U.S.A.
I think not every aspect of a child lying it's completely the parents fault, but, if it continues what other explanation is there. As parents we are role models, judge, jury, friend, and theres a fine line between each. I'm sure some of us know the saying "It takes a village to raise a child." That means the adults in the childs life need to work together at least on some level to bring our kids up to be good people. We need to be able to rely on other adults. It drives me insane when parents insist their child is perfect they did no wrong can do no wrong. They are children, children make mistakes it's what they do, it's how they learn! It's up to us to set them straight and when the adults aren't on the same page and consistent it makes it harder to teach them. Could you imagine if a child was told by one parent "the sky is green" and the other saying "it's people" then other adults telling them other colors. The confusion. It all relates. Consistency is key.

Name: Mak
Country: U.S.A.
Some of this stuff sounds right to me, and some of it, well maybe it depends on the situation. I have a 4 year old son that went through a lying phase after spending a summer with an older cousin that constantly lies. When my husband and I caught on that he was lying and we KNEW he was. We would ask him about the situation, inform him that we did know what happened or that we would find out. The lies and the "I don't know" continued for a little while, but, we made it clear that he was in more trouble for lying than anything else. That there was nothing he could do that it was worth lying over. So far it's worked. My niece on the other hand... I try similar tactics with her but she has had this mentality for about 6 years. I don't know how her mom could begin to burn this web. Her parents are going through custody battles and she tries manipulate EVERY situation to keep out of trouble or get what she wants.From saying she didn't push Max down thats not why he's crying, even though I watched the entire thing from the other side of the door. Right down to saying shes never seen a movie before, shes been dying to see it please. Then tells you the entire movie! It's not that big of a deal. If she wants to watch a movie all she has to do is ask, why lie about it???? I'm not her mom so I approach her lies different than my sons. I inform her that I saw the events unfold so she needs to think about what she it's about to tell me. I talk to her mom about it and she seems concerned but maybe she isn't doing anything about it because shes afraid her baby girl will tell courts she wants to stay with dad. She knows she only see s us for a short time before going back to her dad. Both parents buy her love. Especially around court dates. I don't know if theres any end to what she does. The parents hate each other at this point and aren't nearly as concerned about working together for the sake of her as they are to hurt the other parent. It's sad and this is a situation I blame on the parents.

Name: kc
Country: USA
my child lies to evoke sympathy, in turn she tries to "get items that she wants". she tells one lie to a person and another to the other. when caught, she finally admits that she did wrong.

Name: wolf
Country: USA
our children may lie because we don't want to hear the truth.they say "ihate my baby sister." we say, "no you don't.tell her you love her."

Name: adelia
Country: Canada
i would like to know more regarding what 'underlying problem' may be at work with chronic liars--this article just seems to easy in its answers and assessmetns

Name: Catherine Whittall
Country: England
i think this article should mention that repetetive lying could be a sign of an underlying condition and professional help is needed.

Name: suresh kumar.P
Country: India
expecting more experiments results

Name: uma girish
Country: India
i also believe that every time you encourage your child to tell the truth and reinforce that she will not be reprimanded (it takes a lot of courage to tell the truth ) it works wonders. the trust she begins to develop is great. it works with my daughter. try it.

Name: Tagni
Country: Canada
i to am dealing with a nine year old that lies alot, and the lies are actually more like attention getting stories, which brings the wrong attention.great immagination, but wrong attention. we have raised our son in a very open, structured ( not strict, stuctured) home, and he still insists on telling woppers of stories, which are lies. now i don't believe it is the parenting as this article states, as we allow him room to grow naturally. from the responses here, i am beginning to believe it is a natural part of learning. i am looking to find a way though to make him understand that the stories he tells are sometimes to real sounding and he may end up paying a really high price, along with us. we do, and always have given him wonderful praise for telling the truth, and simply stating he is about to tell a whopper. its when he forgets to state that he is about to tell a story, which sounds so real, that we are falling into problems.

Name: cp
Country: USA
i am going thru a really tough time with my step son, i understand where the lying comes from and why he has come acustom to lying but how to correct the problem is my question.? i have done the friend thing, not so hard so he would be ok with telling me things and not feel intemadated, the different consquences for true or lie, tell him he is not a lier and he is a great kid and i understand why he thinks its ok because of his life before i came along , tell him before he answers cover his mouth and say i am going to tell the truth over and over in his mind and then i praise for him telling truth and i keep showing him how easy it is to tell the truth and how good it feels when you know you have told the truth and even that if disappoints god and i know some people will disagree but that is our belief and nothing has worked and he has good intentions and he just lies before he even knows it help

Name: mamma mia
Country: Canada
what does this mean? the way out is not to set down extremely rigid rules or standards that your child may or may not be able to live up to so that he can have a happy, healthy childhood without any high pressures or expectations.

Name: Vispi Jokhi
Country: India
we live in difficult times and it is all very easy to preach without practicing. we all lie and therefore to expect no lying is impossible. the key is to remove abnormal fear from the child and become a confidante to your child, a real friend or bosom pal so that the child has no fear of a dmitting his mistakes and does not cover up one lie with many more lies. we must be conscious of our behaviour in front of our children at all times. one small thing i tell my child is that whenever you are not sure of whether to do or not do a thing you ask yourself if you can tell your parents about your action without any fear. later in life you can substitute this parent with the voice of our lord and father or god and most times you will not err.

Name: extremely frustrated
Country: Canada
as others who have commented, i am now searching for a way to help my child stop lying and a way to help me deal with this without frustration. this article doesn't help either of these problems. crtainly there are reasons that a child becomes a habitual liar but, if he doesn't want to share these reasons with you and insists on lying about anything and everything, despite facing consequences and knowing that it's wrong to lie, what do you do to prevent this?

Name: Gene Bedley
Country: USA
lying focus on the number of times the child tells the truth rather than the lies they make. it's important to elevate kids to a responsible level not focus on their shortcomings. if you have a chronic liar you might need to use a more extreme measure. remember lying is a trust breaker which means i can not distinguish when you are lying and when you are telling the truth. what would happen if you lied to the child that was lying for an entire day and made promises of things you were going to do only to give some excuse when they remind you of your agreement.sometimes the only way a child can learn a lesson is to over saturate them with what they are doing to help lean the concept. the real learning comes at the end of the day when you summarize your decisions and begin to teach your child cause and effect. if the incident requires retribution it's important to train your child correct responses. it's important to separate saying your sorry vs asking for forgiveness. saying your sorry is for accidental mistakes and asking for forgiveness is when you do something on purpose. it is equally important to teach your children the steps in showing remorse. 1. walking to the person 2. looking down and saying in a quiet voice. "i'm sorry" if you did something on purpose you are also required to ask forgiveness 3. asking for forgiveness means you are not going to do it again never force your child into saying they are sorry since their response usually falls short of a remorseful attitude. gene bedley with the lying,rather than the problem that caused the lie. before asking "the question" we remind them what will happen to the lyer.

Name: Shannon
Country: Canada
i feel that once a child starts to lie it becomes hard to correct the behavior of lying and that we as parents should watch what we say. if a child hears you lie then they may think that they can lie. i have tried to tell my children the story of peter and the wolf. if they lie then i just say that if they continue to lie then people are not going to believe them when they need them to. i tell them that i trust them and i would like to be able to trust them all the time. sometimes it does not work but not everything works all the time. my son lies at school alot because they labelled him a liar and i'm having a hard time fixing it.

Name: Karen
Country: Canada
always the parents' fault. my 7 yr old lies to point where he's putting himself in danger. of course he's scared to tell the truth with some things, because he will be disciplined. i am not going to applaud him and let his behaviour slide, just because he told the truth. are we supposed to hold our tongues, or have no expectations, merely because it will put pressure on the child? how will they ever learn to be responsible, without expectations? i want to help my son, and this article is far from helpful.

Name: kim h
Country: USA
i agree with stan in the usa. this is a bunch of unuseful info. i am so frustrated. my 9 year old lies about not having homework all the time. he leaves at school. he said today that mom you must take me up to school to get my spelling book. today is thursday. his spelling book is to be home monday afternoon until friday morning. he turns in all his spelling on friday. why was his book at school? well he doesn't remember. he also went back to shcool to get his math page. didn't come out with that. i lost it he says. i told him he is lying to me again. he really thinks he is not lying. his math page was right on top in his back pack. i said when did you look in your back pack for your math page? he has been on the couch with the other kids for at least 30 minutes. just 1 minute ago he states. really i said you have been sitting there for 30 minutes. i told him i found his math page and another language arts page he was to do for friday. he winned that it would take 30 minutes to do his math homework. that was earlier that day. do you know he finished that math page in 5 minutes. yes in 5 minutes. he got all but 1 answer right. 30 minutes of winning for 5 minutes of work. what a load of c__p. i am so fed up. i think i will ask the doctor to some zoloft for myself. my nerves are gone. i am ready to move out and live by myself. help!!!!!! i don't want to leave but i can't handle all this stress. this goes on every single school day!!!!!!!!! help me

Name: Single Mom
Country: USA
i can't say i thought this article was entirely rubbish as did many readers, i did not agree with much of it. it is important to set expectations for your kids so they know what is expected. i expect my son will tell the truth and i am angry (which i know is a mistake now) when he doesn't. unfortunately, i learned from my father who taught through fear instead of love. i need to learn new techniques but i doubt my son will wait to grow up until i can learn them. i understand more about why he is lying and maybe i needed to be reminded he is not a "bad kid" but he is just afraid to tell me the truth when he makes a mistake or has a failure at school. his school work has clearly been the source for the majority of his lies, and i guess i need to take some pressure off of him so that at least he can feel good about telling me the truth about his school work instead of feeling bad about the school work and the lie. by the way, the peter and the wolf story does not work. neither does washington and the cherry tree or the half dozen others.

Name: all stressed
Country: Canada
i babysit an 8 year old. he constantly lies to me to try and get my daughter in trouble, but i can tell he is lying by the look in his eyes. he does this to his mom too and later on confesses that he is wrong. any advice??????

Name: gloria
Country: USA
what a crock!! why so we always blame the parents. i did raise my son to be respectful, courteous, etc. guess what? it did not work

Name: gloria
Country: USA
how do i get to read the article

Name: thanks
Country: USA
good info, helped a lot! thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Name: Alisa -DE
Country: USA
i have a 15 yr old that constantly lies, this article is great, but i need help now, before she is destroyed, by others to correct the problem. her father wants to put her in foster home! is this right, any advice from you!

Name: Are These People Kidding?
Country: USA
what a crock of sh** this is! why is it still on the net? please, don't believe this parent blaming load!!!

Name: Shauna
Country: USA
don't set expectations for your child and they won't lie? give me a big fat break. they also won't get potty trained, go to school, take a bath or learn how to live on their own eventually. i think i'll continue to expect good behavior from my kids and look elsewhere for help with lying. thanks.

Name: Jenny
Country: USA
first of all, i see this article as incomplete-it tells part of the story, maybe for some kids & parents. has anyone thought of a child's lying as a "power stuggle"? we parents are like gods in thier lives, but we can't make them tell the truth. we can make them eat peas and spinnach, make them do thier homework, go to bed, apologize, etc. i don't pretend to know all the answers. i just know i've done a lot wrong in dealing with my daughter's lying, and i certainly know that the problem isn't fixed by making lying a power stuggle, nor is it fixed by, as the article says, being some utopian parent without expectations. good luck to all of you, and don't get so disgusted with your child's lying that you don't let him or her know in every way that you love them more than anything.

Name: rees
Country: USA
do not make promises to children that you do not intend to keep; for you risk raising them to be a liars.

Name: Deb from Jersey
Country: USA
children lie for different reasons at different ages. very young children may not yet be able to always distinguish fantasy from reality. three-year-old mikey's fantastic story about the toy that flies around his room is not actually an attempt to deceive. more likely, mikey has a very active imagination and cannot always tell the difference between what he imagined and what really happened. children this age may also appear to lie because they have honestly forgotten things. when a 2 year-old is accused of putting a roll of toilet paper in the toilet and she claims she didn't do it, she may simply not remember doing it, especially if it wasn't discovered for several hours. around the age of 5 or 6 children start to develop a more consistent understanding of the difference between fantasy and reality and are less likely to insist on the truth of their imaginings. around this age, a child begins to develop a conscience and understand that certain behaviors may disappoint his or her parents. he or she may also begin to experience feelings of guilt associated with misdeeds. for the first time, the child may construct a lie in an attempt to avoid punishment and/or disapproval. children this age may also tell fibs or exaggerate extensively in order to get their parents' attention. by the age of 7 or 8, most children have learned to tell the difference between fantasy and reality and can usually be counted on to tell the truth. the most common reasons for children to lie at this age are to avoid being punished, or to avoid doing something unpleasant like emptying the trash. children may also begin to grasp the concept of polite social lying around this age. they may pretend to like the knitted socks that grandma gave them for their birthday, or compliment a friend's new haircut even though they think it looks ridiculous. altruistic lies to protect others from harm may be told as well. lies at this age may also be a cry for help. children who are very fearful of disappointing their parents and are feeling overwhelmed by school or some other area of their lives, may lie in an attempt to deal with this pressure. by adolescence, lying begins to take on a new significance and parents are likely to become more alarmed by the lies their adolescents tell. adolescents clearly understand the difference between fantasy and reality and are aware of the possible consequences of telling lies. they have also become better at it! however, not all lies that an adolescent tells should be taken as a sign that he or she is up to something dangerous or forbidden. adolescents may lie simply to protect their privacy, to establish their independence, to avoid embarrassment, or to spare another's feelings. of course, they may also lie to avoid punishment or doing chores, or to try to get something that they think they may not be able to get by telling the truth. what can parents do? the first thing you can do is to teach honesty in the home and be aware of your own standards for lying. in some homes polite social lies are more acceptable than in others. some parents may inadvertently promote lying by asking their children to lie about their age, or tell a caller that mom or dad isn't home. be aware that children will have a very difficult time seeing the difference between these types of lies and lies they may tell to you. modeling honest behavior in the home as well as setting up an environment in which it is easy to be truthful may be two of the strongest lie prevention strategies. here are a few tips: · whenever possible, keep your word. always explain and apologize if you must break a promise. · if you do find yourself lying in front of your child, be sure to talk about it with him or her and explain your reasons and values surrounding the lie. if you made a mistake by telling a lie, admit it. · do not expect young children to understand the subtle differences between "white lies" and more serious lies. · do not tell your children lies to promote compliance (e.g., telling them that shots won't hurt or that going to the dentist will be fun). · praise truth-telling, especially when it was likely difficult to do. · assume family members are telling the truth unless you have reason to suspect otherwise. · don't overburden your child with too many rules and expectations. the more rules there are, the more likely they are to get broken, and the more likely the child may feel the need to lie to avoid punishment. · involve your children in developing the rules. it is easier to abide by a rule that you had some role in developing. even children raised in the most truthful and honest of households will still lie on occasion. when this happens, it is important to remain calm and remember that the lie is not a personal attack, so don't take it as such or give into anger. review the reasons why a child might lie at any given age and respond accordingly. · try to discover the reason why the child is lying. what a child is trying to hide by lying may be much more important than the lie itself. · tell your child that you love her, even when she lies. she's not a bad child; rather, it's just her behavior that's unacceptable. · make sure any consequences for lying are kept separate from the consequences for whatever the lie was designed to conceal. and be careful not to overreact. remember that children may lie to avoid punishment. excessive or irrational punishments may backfire. the greater the fear of punishment, the less likely your child is going to "fess up" the next time. · make it very easy for your child to tell the truth and give him a chance to confess. don't stage a courtroom drama and try to force a confession. · if your child tells tall tales or lies to get your attention, don't accuse the child of being a liar, but don't pretend like you're not aware of it, either. make it clear that you don't believe that he ran a mile in less than three minutes, but that you love him anyway. if your child tells a tall tale to someone else and you witness it, don't point it out in front of the other person. wait until you are alone with your child to discuss it. · don't accuse. "i wonder how this milk got spilled -- i wish someone would clean it up," is more likely to get an honest response than "sarah, did you spill this milk?" · don't try to set your child or adolescent up to tell you a lie when you have discovered the truth. asking "where were you friday night?" when you know susie was at a party you had forbidden her to attend is a form of dishonesty and deceit – just the thing you are trying to avoid! it also encourages susie to lie, giving her more practice at the very thing you don't want. further, this tactic places the emphasis on the lie as opposed to the behavior, which may be the more serious problem. if susie hadn't gone to the party in the first place, there would be no need to lie. · help the child explore the effects that lying has on others and on the child's relationships. · fables are a great way to teach values to younger children. the boy who cried "wolf" may be especially effective. · be sure adolescents are given a fair amount of privacy. this will lessen the likelihood that they will lie just to protect what privacy they have. how can you encourage truthfulness? as mentioned above, doling out punishment for lying can be risky business. remember that one of the main motivators for lying is fear of punishment. a lie may feel like the lesser of two evils, and it may improve the chances that the child will get away with whatever transgression they have committed. (and, face it, sometimes they will!) punishment for lying may reinforce the fear of punishment and increase the likelihood of future lying rather than decrease it. additionally, while the parent may be trying to give the message “you are being punished because you lied”, the child is more likely thinking “i'm being punished because i got caught.” the child resolves to get better at lying to avoid being caught in the future. instead of punishment, consider promoting the natural and/or logical consequences of dishonest behavior. for example, it may be appropriate that a child who has repeatedly lied about getting her homework done be required to bring a note home from her teacher on a daily basis until trust is restored. this consequence makes sense to the child in light of the behavior you are trying to change. additionally, promoting the natural or logical consequences of dishonest behavior requires the child to take responsibility for his own behavior. punishment is rarely related to the actual act of lying and is designed to give the message to the child that he or she is bad. logical or natural consequences are directly related to the problem behavior and do not carry a moral judgement about the child. here are few more things to consider when deciding how to deal with a child who has lied: · punishing lies that are based on behavior learned by watching significant others is not likely to be effective. you may want to consider trying to change the behavior of the person modeling the dishonest acts. · it is often more effective to tell children how you really feel about their lie than to punish them for it. an honest statement like “i'm really hurt that you lied to me” is likely to have more impact on future lying than a week without television. further, emphasizing the effect of the lie on others promotes the development of an internalized sense of morality. · don't make a decision about the consequences of a lie in the heat of the moment. you can let you child know that you are very upset, but that you need time to think about what the consequences should be. however, don't make your child wait for days in dreaded anticipation as you make your "decision". this is just another form of dishonesty and will not do anything to strengthen the shaken bond of trust between you and your child. · make sure that the consequences for lying don't drag out for so long that your child forgets what brought the consequence on in the first place. a child needs another chance. be sure that she knows she will get one. however, if the lying is repeated often, it may make sense to extend the length of time before the child is allowed to try again. when is lying a serious problem? isolated lies here and there don't usually indicate a serious problem. however, when lying becomes habitual or compulsive, and is used as a major strategy for dealing with difficult situations there is cause for concern. chronic lying may be just a bad habit that a child needs help breaking. however, it may also be a sign that the child can not tell right from wrong. this may especially be the case if your child does not appear to have any remorse about lying. lying that is accompanied by behaviors such as fighting, stealing, inflicting cruelty, skipping school, or cheating may also be a sign of more serious problems such as conduct disorder or a learning disability. children with biological conditions such as adhd may also find it more difficult to control lying behavior. children may also lie to cover up more serious problems like substance abuse. finally, when older children or adolescents tell tall tales, and overly exaggerate and embellish everyday occurrences, it may signal a serious need for attention. in any of the above cases, seek help from a professional trained to deal with children and/or adolescents.

Name: Niky
Country: India
i do agree with uma. i also toth mine children from begining, not to be afreid to tell me a truth. mistakes do hapen, we all learn from it. if there is problem there is always solution. mine children were never afraid to tell mi the truth. besides, i always could sence if there was some problem, the moment they opened the door. by their movements and look in the eys. i also never practised punisment. they were good children and now good adulds. iam also not hipocrat, and know they will tell little lies, like rest of society - how are you? alwas - fine!

Name: need to know
Country: USA
can children be forsed into lying

Name: vicky
Country: Australia
my daughter is 2 and a half...every few weeks she tells me that she sees a man in the house and that he is scary. what can i make of it? apaarantly there was no one that has dies in this house so there cant be any ghosts. i dont know if shes lying to get attention or she really does see this man

Name: Beth
Country: USA
my 6 year old daughter is a very very social child, and over the past six months has gotten in to trouble at school for talking. at the beginning of the school year she would tell me when she got a "pin" (the first level of the school's disciplinary system), and i would punish her by making her go to bed early, and talking about how important it is to follow directions and rules. she no longer told me about getting these "pins" in school anymore, and i thought the situation had ceased. when i had a meeting with the teacher at the end of the first quarter, i found out that she had been getting at least 2 pins a week, and lying to me about it. of course the first quarter was last fall, and i feel that only now am i making some head way with the lying. i basically used trial and error. i worried that this habit would worsen and become part of her everyday life, and was extremely upset about it. i know that i lost my temper, and i called her a liar, and of course that didn't work. i had previously tried going to bed early, and that didn't work. i was extremely distrustful of her, and she knew it, and we constantly had conversations that consisted of "how can i believe you?", and "mommy, i'm not lying!". about a month ago, she lied to me again, and after i yelled, and she cried, i told her that i wanted to make a deal. i would believe her, and she would tell me the truth. even if i thought she was lying, i wouldn't accuse her of lying, and even if she knew she would be punished, she wouldn't lie. i have been suspicious lately about whether or not she's brushing her teeth in the evening, even though she goes into the bathroom as if to do so. i asked her about it at dinner, and she got a solemn look on her face, and said, "not all the time". i was, am so proud of my baby! i am hoping that our deal is going to work out and she can stop this habit! i praised her for being honest even though she knew she might get into trouble, and told her it's important to brush her teeth every morning and evening or she could get cavities. (i'd rather have cavities than lies, although niether would be nice!). but the whole incident gave me hope that she is headed in the right direction. oh, and she has received an award for good behavior two consecutive months now, so her motor mouth is under control too!

Name: anamika
Country: India
thik hai. its all depend on familys sanskar

Name: asking questions
Country: India
my son is always overreacting and easily gets angree. any advice?

Name: deseted mom
Country: Mexico
my 21 year old son has always been honest and truthful but has recently started lying ..... whats wron i am very worried please help !!!!!!

Name: Mom in America
Country: usa
i found the article above interesting. for a few reasons, in particular it sounds as though it comes from a clinical point of view. and as a lot of us know, we are hands on parents. i know that i live and breath the mom way of life. no matter what the scenerio in everyday life with my two children, whether it be a day at the park, an outting with family, a visit to mutual friends, or a day in the local mall . . . my kids have seen and addressed me as mom. just recently in the last 10 months, i have made it a point to let my son who is 12 & daughter who is 3, see me & talk to them about my desires, needs, wants as a woman, a friend, a disciple, an aunt, etc. what i have made more apparent for them is discussing with them & showing them the ways i like to treated by the way i treat others. i also let them see the sides of me that are tender and fragile. the pain and tears i cry when stress of life feels too great. it is in those moments that i let them know that it is in these lonely moments that i have choices to make. i could call into work and say i am sick when i am not or call my friend and say hey the kids are sick i really don't want to come over when it is really i just don't want to go over for whatever reason. it's been in these transactions over the last months that have given me the tools to lay the foundation or giving my children the opportunity to make their own choices. it was also achieved by knowing what was surrounding my children in there lives that could persuade them to want to lie to me - mom. and as i stated not only have i helped them appreciate me as their mother, i enabled them to appreciate me as human. as we all know humans make mistakes.giving your children choices or options in every aspect of their life leaves room for them to make mistakes-- exactly what i as parent want, them to make mistakes(lying could be one) now as a child. cause i don't want them carrying that technique into adulthood, we all know the consequences are greater. i say to my children all day long here you have two options! for example, my 3 year old would you like to wear the purple shirt or the red shirt, the white shoes or the black ones? would you like to ride your bike or go to the park for a duck feeding? would you like eggs or ceral this morning? all day everyday i give my 3 year old choices or options. then there is a 10 second rule. if she can't decide i decide and we go with that. the same goes for my 12 year oldchoices or options, 10 second rule---- and here is where the consequence comes in if they don't do what they have choosen to do and followed through by whatever they agreed to. then i tell them well let me think about it, you could even ask your child what an appropriate consequence is. my son has lied once in his whole life that i caught. i asked him point blank why? he said i lied casue i didn't feel like doing what you said and it was easy to just say i did and be done. my reply was well you have two choices you can come up with a consequence or i can that fits this lie. you know what he did-he wore a shirt that said i lied to mom for a week (washed it of course) and told 10 of friends about his lie , how it broke trust with me and how it hurt my feelings. so to some up my rambling. it is like this, for me to be a responsible adult i had to allow my children to responsbile children (brother, sister, volunteer, student, disciple, friend, cousin)and the only thing that i have found that is still working is giving them constant choices, options with the 10 second rule and consequences that fit when needed. i rarely if ever get mad, because i won't allow their actions to trigger me and loose control of my emotions which can take away from the real issue. i don't worry as much about either of them. i hear them using this technique on each other giving options and choices to each other and friends etc. but most of all i have seen the huge difference in the my son who doen't have to feel that he has to lie about anything and my daughter has calmed greatly. seeing my children as human first has helped me see all of them and them seeing all of me. and coming from a mother who violently abused me from 1 to 16 i am ever so proud to share. my son is adhd enhanced by ptsd and my daughter is add - and i can say it is the responsiblility of the parents to provide a loving, nuturing, choice filled, complimenting, rewarding, moving forward environment for children to prosper, even when the children continue to be liars or negative. role modeling the potential future of america is a grand job and that makes me feel blessed to have these two precious children. good luck to all.

Name: lkwxjrgxtr
Country: Burundi
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Name: worried mother
Country: U.S.A.
i think that is article is incomplete. the article ending by sayint that proper upbringing is all that is needed to help with childhood lying. also within the body of the article it discussed not having too high of expectations. this article needs to discuss the impact of school on the child lying. my son is 7 years old. he has started to lie to get out of the classroom because children around him are making fun of him and really hurting him. the teacher, is a very nice woman, but from the beginning, she has told my son that he does exceptional work and uses his work as an example in front of the class. i think that this has made him feel like her expectation for him is to always be perfect. it is not coming from my home, it is coming from school!!!!! i am very upset over this situation and i do not want to give the teacher a hard time because she is very nice, but i feel like it needs to stop for my son's sake. (i know that my son is not lying about his teacher doing this in class because it is also written on his work that he brings home) this article needs a little more work on covering school issues and lying because unfortunately, i have to give up my child for 6 1/2 hours per day that i cannot be with him and let others have complete influence over him.

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Name: Pharmb834
Country: Aland Islands
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Name: EMOTIONAL FOOL
Country: India
my kids are 24/7 on my mind.though i agree with most of the things,it becomes difficult to be patient and understaning all the time.i think if we are able to manage ourselves well,we can manage the kids.it always helps to see them as individuals and not generalise,and also put ourselves in their place before jumping to any conclusion.so,'self management' would be the answer according to me.

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