Your daughter has just entered the age of puberty and has also started showing signs of interest in the opposite sex. She also feels the need to spend more time with her friends, go for movies, lunches, dinners and the occasional party. You as a parent are worried. What should you do? Should you discourage your child from such deviant thoughts and activities? In Indian society, boys are usually permitted to go out and have a nice time, while girls are expected to observe certain rules, regulations and traditions. If you have a daughter past the age of eleven, it is very likely that she has started becoming interested in the opposite sex. You have a choice to encourage or discourage her. Should you provide her with some freedom, or should you stick tight to your morals, values and Indian culture? Heres why you should loosen up as a parent, and send your daughter for the occasional movie and party. In this articlePeer PressureHealthierMarriagesCareer or Marriage?LovePeer Pressure "Everyones doing it!" While this may not be reason enough for you to let her hang out with the opposite sex, its unfair if shes the only one not being allowed to go for a party or for a movie or for lunch with the boys. You may think it doesnt matter, but it does. Fitting in is of prime importance at this age - and if you dont let her fit in by sending her for harmless outings, she may try to fit in by indulging in not-so-harmless activities like smoking. Healthier Okay, everyones not doing it. Youre living in a semi-conservative neighbourhood, and while the parents of some girls are liberal, there are conservative parents like you who dont encourage their girls to mix with the opposite sex. But remember, its the girls who are given the freedom who go to sleep happier, content individuals. If you adopt a more tolerant and understanding approach, your daughter will grow up with a healthier and more mature attitude towards boys. Marriages The sole reason parents are strict with their daughters, is because they feel she may bet a bad name and consequently they may not be able to get her married. Its time you realized that your daughter is probably far more capable of finding a suitable match for herself than you give her credit for. Many high school romances culminate in happy, successful marriages. In addition, the age of arranged marriages is fast disappearing. This concept has mostly vanished from everywhere in the world and presently exists in a few countries, including India. What this boils down to is that children will soon be finding matches for themselves, and if you as a parent discourage this from the outset, that only means more of a tension for you as you start calling up friends and relatives and requesting all and sundry to suggest a suitable boy or girl for your child. If you still feel that you would prefer if your daughter has an arranged marriage, then you should get her married as soon as she graduates. It is not fair on her to continue living life with the restrictions you have imposed for much longer. Career or Marriage? This is a choice that should be left to your daughter. Every girl these days should be independent to the extent that if need be, she can rise to the occasion and contribute to the household expenditure. If you would like to encourage her in her career, remember, it would be far easier on her system if she is independent and makes her own decisions from a young age. Confused parenting - by parents who would like their daughter to study further and have a career of her own, but at the same time they impose numerous restrictions on her life inhibiting her independence - should be avoided at all costs. Love Some parents actually believe that the stricter a parent is, the stronger their love for their children. Yes, there are parents who dont have time for their children, and consequently such children are hanging around all over the place. But this doesnt hold true for all children who go out for an occasional date or party. No ones disputing the fact that you love your kids. But you can also strike a happy balance by allowing them out every once in a while, and being there whenever they need you. Let her go for that party - as long as she comes back at a decent hour. Pick her up if you have to, and discuss the events of the evenng with her. Let her tell you how much fun she had. And when you see that glow of excitement in her eyes, the light of first love shining through, dont kill it. Teach your daughter right from wrong, and give her the freedom to make her own decisions. Trust her. She will grow up to be a well-rounded and responsible individual. As long as she keeps a happy balance between her home-work, grades and social life, youre doing a great job of parenting.
Your daughter has just entered the age of puberty and has also started showing signs of interest in the opposite sex. She also feels the need to spend more time with her friends, go for movies, lunches, dinners and the occasional party. You as a parent are worried. What should you do? Should you discourage your child from such deviant thoughts and activities?
In Indian society, boys are usually permitted to go out and have a nice time, while girls are expected to observe certain rules, regulations and traditions. If you have a daughter past the age of eleven, it is very likely that she has started becoming interested in the opposite sex. You have a choice to encourage or discourage her. Should you provide her with some freedom, or should you stick tight to your morals, values and Indian culture? Here's why you should loosen up as a parent, and send your daughter for the occasional movie and party.
Peer Pressure
"Everyone's doing it!" While this may not be reason enough for you to let her hang out with the opposite sex, it's unfair if she's the only one not being allowed to go for a party or for a movie or for lunch with the boys. You may think it doesn't matter, but it does. 'Fitting in' is of prime importance at this age - and if you don't let her 'fit in' by sending her for harmless outings, she may try to 'fit in' by indulging in not-so-harmless activities like smoking.
Healthier
Okay, everyone's not doing it. You're living in a semi-conservative neighbourhood, and while the parents of some girls are liberal, there are conservative parents like you who don't encourage their girls to mix with the opposite sex. But remember, it's the girls who are given the freedom who go to sleep happier, content individuals.
If you adopt a more tolerant and understanding approach, your daughter will grow up with a healthier and more mature attitude towards boys.
Marriages
The sole reason parents are strict with their daughters, is because they feel she may bet a 'bad name' and consequently they may not be able to get her married. It's time you realized that your daughter is probably far more capable of finding a suitable match for herself than you give her credit for. Many high school romances culminate in happy, successful marriages.
In addition, the age of arranged marriages is fast disappearing. This concept has mostly vanished from everywhere in the world and presently exists in a few countries, including India. What this boils down to is that children will soon be finding matches for themselves, and if you as a parent discourage this from the outset, that only means more of a tension for you as you start calling up friends and relatives and requesting all and sundry to suggest a suitable boy or girl for your child.
If you still feel that you would prefer if your daughter has an arranged marriage, then you should get her married as soon as she graduates. It is not fair on her to continue living life with the restrictions you have imposed for much longer.
Career or Marriage?
This is a choice that should be left to your daughter. Every girl these days should be independent to the extent that if need be, she can rise to the occasion and contribute to the household expenditure.
If you would like to encourage her in her career, remember, it would be far easier on her system if she is independent and makes her own decisions from a young age. Confused parenting - by parents who would like their daughter to study further and have a career of her own, but at the same time they impose numerous restrictions on her life inhibiting her independence - should be avoided at all costs.
Love
Some parents actually believe that the stricter a parent is, the stronger their love for their children. Yes, there are parents who don't have time for their children, and consequently such children are hanging around all over the place. But this doesn't hold true for all children who go out for an occasional date or party. No one's disputing the fact that you love your kids. But you can also strike a happy balance by allowing them out every once in a while, and being there whenever they need you. Let her go for that party - as long as she comes back at a decent hour. Pick her up if you have to, and discuss the events of the evenng with her. Let her tell you how much fun she had. And when you see that glow of excitement in her eyes, the light of first love shining through, don't kill it.
Teach your daughter right from wrong, and give her the freedom to make her own decisions. Trust her. She will grow up to be a well-rounded and responsible individual.
As long as she keeps a happy balance between her home-work, grades and social life, you're doing a great job of parenting.
