Please don't make a mistake of calling MIL. My daughter was born in Africa, that time it was a civil war there. I thought of calling my mother,and naturally there was a drama. So I said fine then no mothers are coming. THat time it was curfew period. Only me, my husband and god was there. We had each other's company and god and believe me it is not as difficult as it sounds.
She is 3 years now and we have moved about 5 countries and i always find a day care as i am working full time in all the countries.
Even when they visit, i dont stop her from going to day care. Why take ehsan when you have option and god with you.
CHild rearing is not so tough as it sounds. I am in canada right now, and people say -you work full time, have a baby and I have been studying getting degrees in all countries, how you manage.
Its all mind set, try to enjoy with your baby and work is fun and you won't believe my child is independent now. At 3 years, she gets ready herself, folds her clothes, puts them in place, tidy up the room, dusting, even helping in laundry, dishwashing etc ....
you have to show way to your child, other wise he would be mama's child and his/her spouse would be pareshan.
Just have faith in God and ask for help. he will show you the way. don't expect favour from ANYBODY.
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Hi a friend,
Please don't make a mistake of calling MIL. My daughter was born in Africa, that time it was a civil war there. I thought of calling my mother,and naturally there was a drama. So I said fine then no mothers are coming. THat time it was curfew period. Only me, my husband and god was there. We had each other's company and god and believe me it is not as difficult as it sounds.
She is 3 years now and we have moved about 5 countries and i always find a day care as i am working full time in all the countries.
Even when they visit, i dont stop her from going to day care. Why take ehsan when you have option and god with you.
CHild rearing is not so tough as it sounds. I am in canada right now, and people say -you work full time, have a baby and I have been studying getting degrees in all countries, how you manage.
Its all mind set, try to enjoy with your baby and work is fun and you won't believe my child is independent now. At 3 years, she gets ready herself, folds her clothes, puts them in place, tidy up the room, dusting, even helping in laundry, dishwashing etc ....
you have to show way to your child, other wise he would be mama's child and his/her spouse would be pareshan.
Just have faith in God and ask for help. he will show you the way. don't expect favour from ANYBODY.
surpreet replied. i dont have pil.and other inlaws are hopeless too depending on them is a far fetched thing even taLKING to them gives me nightmares.i want to rear my child the way u have rightly done ,but even my husband doesnt cooperate.no i am not asking for any help from him instead his opinion is that the only way to love a child is to spouil her.i go north and he goes south .despite my telling him not to interfere when ui am rearing a child the right way,also when i dont ask him to even help me out.result the child is indisciplined .although i have managed to cause l;ess damage
augustborn replied. Hey VD
I must say 'Great Work'. Its really not easy to juggle home and career but the way you handled stuff is amazing. Not only did you juggle home and career and a small child but also continued your studies...Way to go lady!
As you said 'its all in the mind'...
Cheers!
augustborn replied. First of all, CONGRATULATIONS for the forthcoming baby...when's the due date, do let us know. We will all pray for your safe and healthy delivery.
Frankly speaking, I have no experience about this coz I dont have any kids yet. All I can say is, do whatever makes you comfortable because this the most beautiful time of your life and nothing should spoil it. If you think its better to call your MIL then do so but make sure that it doesnt mean that you end up slogging in the kitchen when you should be resting and getting back your health. As VD said it wont be very tough if you do it alone, consider that too. Is it not possible to talk your husband out of letting his sister come to you during those days. You surely dont need stress during such sensitive days, anyways your hormones would be playing havoc...Consider all options, discuss them with your husband but in any case donot stress yourself and ofcourse your decision should be final cause its your own special moment...
Take care of yourself...and do share the happy news with us when the time comes...
ritu replied. We gave a hint to my in-laws recently that I would like to call my parents for delivery. And there was a huge drama. I have to give them a call soon. (Have to face them sometime). I am so scared. Actually I am even okay with nobody coming for my delivery. But if my mom does not come then my mil will pack her bags and come to \";help\"; me and her grandchild. I am so worried. I don't know how am I going to start talking to them. (want to talk with them because if I don't they will get even more angry and I won't be able to handle it.)
Also after this is resolved the next issue will be namimg the baby. I know that even if we pick up a name that she likes, she will say she didn't like it, because she wants importance, and want to choose a name herself (preferably the one that I am not interested in - that will make her really happy). What do I do? Please help :(
a friend replied. Hi Augustborn , ABC and vd,
You said I should not call my MIL for my delivery. The thing is that this is my first child. I can't call my mother as I don't have a mom, I was raised by my aunt. Its not that my aunt is bad or something like that but I just can't call her as she has her other responsibilities and I won't be that comfortable with her. So the only option is my MIL, she is okay kinds. I don't share any great relationship with her. If my MIL doesn't come then my SIL (hubby's sister) who is also in US will come and she is the most horrible person to ever come across. His sister has grown up kids who are studying in different cities, so she is also free. If I compare my MIL with my SIL my MIL is at least 60% better than her daughter. My husband is insisting to call his mom. She is also all set to come here. But his mom has her own issues which are very difficult to resolve. I am in an utter confusion about what to do, either to call MIL otherwise his sister who will take the charge by default.
2005-02-05
#1
Name: surpreet Subject: u give hope
i dont have pil.and other inlaws are hopeless too depending on them is a far fetched thing even taLKING to them gives me nightmares.i want to rear my child the way u have rightly done ,but even my husband doesnt cooperate.no i am not asking for any help from him instead his opinion is that the only way to love a child is to spouil her.i go north and he goes south .despite my telling him not to interfere when ui am rearing a child the right way,also when i dont ask him to even help me out.result the child is indisciplined .although i have managed to cause l;ess damage
2005-02-04
#2
Name: augustborn Subject: Great work VD...
Hey VD
I must say 'Great Work'. Its really not easy to juggle home and career but the way you handled stuff is amazing. Not only did you juggle home and career and a small child but also continued your studies...Way to go lady!
As you said 'its all in the mind'...
Cheers!
2005-02-04
#3
Name: augustborn Subject: Hey friend!
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS for the forthcoming baby...when's the due date, do let us know. We will all pray for your safe and healthy delivery.
Frankly speaking, I have no experience about this coz I dont have any kids yet. All I can say is, do whatever makes you comfortable because this the most beautiful time of your life and nothing should spoil it. If you think its better to call your MIL then do so but make sure that it doesnt mean that you end up slogging in the kitchen when you should be resting and getting back your health. As VD said it wont be very tough if you do it alone, consider that too. Is it not possible to talk your husband out of letting his sister come to you during those days. You surely dont need stress during such sensitive days, anyways your hormones would be playing havoc...Consider all options, discuss them with your husband but in any case donot stress yourself and ofcourse your decision should be final cause its your own special moment...
Take care of yourself...and do share the happy news with us when the time comes...
2005-02-04
#4
Name: ritu Subject: Help
We gave a hint to my in-laws recently that I would like to call my parents for delivery. And there was a huge drama. I have to give them a call soon. (Have to face them sometime). I am so scared. Actually I am even okay with nobody coming for my delivery. But if my mom does not come then my mil will pack her bags and come to \";help\"; me and her grandchild. I am so worried. I don't know how am I going to start talking to them. (want to talk with them because if I don't they will get even more angry and I won't be able to handle it.)
Also after this is resolved the next issue will be namimg the baby. I know that even if we pick up a name that she likes, she will say she didn't like it, because she wants importance, and want to choose a name herself (preferably the one that I am not interested in - that will make her really happy). What do I do? Please help :(
2005-02-04
#5
Name: augustborn Subject: Another mommy to be!
Hey Congrats Ritu...May you have a safe and healthy delivery. God be with you...
Have you gone through Mrs Sharma's opinion about the same. I think shes absolutely right. Do go through her post if you havent already. It will give you courage.
As Mrs Sharma said you would be comfortable with your own mom at this crucial time of your life. Express the same feelings to your husband and stay firm by your decision. Dont be scared and worried about the threaticals being played at your IL's. They will come over it. You are the most imp person right now. So take care of your physical and mental health.
Regarding the naming of the baby, if you are in US you would know the sex of the baby beforehand so choose a name you and your husband like(you will have to give the name of the child to the hospital authorities before you leave the hospital for the birth certificate).
If you are in India, make a list of the names you like and take an opinion poll but you dont have to accept the name your MIL or anybody else suggests if you yourself donot like it. Afterall, its your baby...you should be polite but firm when conveying this. Make everyone understand that you are not being disrespectful, but this is what you want. If another mother(your MIL) doesnot respect your feelings as a mother, then its her problem...
Once again, wishing you best of luck for your delivery and God Bless!
2005-02-04
#6
Name: a friend Subject: what to do?
Hi Augustborn , ABC and vd,
You said I should not call my MIL for my delivery. The thing is that this is my first child. I can't call my mother as I don't have a mom, I was raised by my aunt. Its not that my aunt is bad or something like that but I just can't call her as she has her other responsibilities and I won't be that comfortable with her. So the only option is my MIL, she is okay kinds. I don't share any great relationship with her. If my MIL doesn't come then my SIL (hubby's sister) who is also in US will come and she is the most horrible person to ever come across. His sister has grown up kids who are studying in different cities, so she is also free. If I compare my MIL with my SIL my MIL is at least 60% better than her daughter. My husband is insisting to call his mom. She is also all set to come here. But his mom has her own issues which are very difficult to resolve. I am in an utter confusion about what to do, either to call MIL otherwise his sister who will take the charge by default.
2005-02-04
#7
Name: vd Subject: MIL
Really husbands are afraid of taking the rsponsibility in their own hands. Please try to talk diplomatically that in today's world with modern medical facilities, it is not a big deal.YOu are not in a gaon.
'Pyaar se' try to explain that you do not go along well and you need to rest and not exert with complications of the rishtedaars.
I sincerely wish there were no relatives in this world.
2005-02-04
#8
Name: a friend Subject: thanks
thanks vd,
I think i can manage myself, I don't need anyone and anyone's ehsan. But my hubby keeps insisting. What i am trying to say is if his mother doesn't come. His sister will surely come and take the charge. She is too bossy. I am just caught between his mother and his sister.
2005-02-04
#9
Name: vd Subject: be self reliant
a friend,
Why do you think you can not manage yourself? You don't need so many people(only indians need). The new born will sleep for 18 hours initially and there is enough time to relax.
God forbid, if are you not well, hire a nurse. Peace of mind is important.
Tell your husband, you are delivering and you need peace and shanti. Not unnecessary tensions.
PLease be independent, take a chance.you will have better bonding and do not have to carry a tag of ehsaan of any body.
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& Answers to Topic : don't call MIL for delivery
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All tips on Parents of Schoolgoers
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No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : don't call MIL for delivery
Subscribe to this conversation!
All tips on Parents of Schoolgoers
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
I feel that my husbands parents are using their son. My husband is from India and I am from the USA. He obtained his greencard and citizenship through me after coming here. He is a physician and obtained his residency training. I worked to earn for our family for two years until he got his job. Then he applied for his parents to visit us on a visiting visa. We were both wo... - Tina Shah [View Message]
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RE:Mother-in-law spoiling my child
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RE:Mother-in-law spoiling my child
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RE:Mother-in-law spoiling my child
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u give hope
Hey friend!
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Name: augustborn
Another mommy to be!
what to do?
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