Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi ladies,
I recently came across this site and was really impressed the way you all help each other and giving suggestions. But the discussion about Rani and her input was kind of disturbing. Anyway, coming to my problem, it's a long story but I will try to summarize as much as possible. I belong to a small town in India and have recently come to US, it has been almost seven months. So, I have finally adjusted here and really like here.
My husband has a sister who also stays in the same town as my parents (back in India) and she has been a big trouble since we got married. The thing is that his sister was the one who got us married. As she stays in the same town where my parents stay so she through common family friends suggested this proposal to her parents and her parents (my in-laws) agreed as and eventually we got engaged. She was nice initially and I was thanking my stars for such SIL, as mostly people say SILs are bad and I was thinking that I am very lucky. But the whole problem started after our engagement. My SIL would visit us and expect a royal treatment from my parents. My mom is a working woman and I have two younger sisters and a brother. In the beginning she was surely treated like royalty. But then she started making her own demands to my parents that how the wedding should be, as it's her only brother and she wants a grand arrangement. The kind of hall to book, the food and gifts etc. My parents never said anything on her face, but I told them they have two more daughters to get married and if they spend all their money on me and get into debt then it's not good. And if we listen to their demands once then we have to fulfill this every time when they ask us. My parents listened to my advice and did their best for my wedding, but it was not to the expectations of my in-laws (especially SIL who had great dreams). After marriage I came to my in-laws place and now my MIL started misbehaving with me as my SIL would call her every now and then and give her instructions to how to deal with the DIL. So, basically I never had chance to develop any positive relationship with my in-laws. My SIL thinking that she was the one who got me married so she should be treated like a very important person from my parents. So she would expect them to visit her with all the expensive gifts during festivals and expect phone calls from my parents but she wouldn't do anything in return. My parents tried whatever they could but she never used to be happy. So finally I told my parents not to interfere and my mother due to her busy schedule also stopped too much interference but still she would call her phone but not very often. My SIL couldn't tolerate it and started creating trouble for me indirectly through her mother (my MIL). I had my worst time when she visited us with her kids for one month. Both mother and daughter treated me like shit (sorry for the language). She would expect me to baby sit her kids the whole day and they both would have good time. My husband was also surprised by their behavior and eventually when his company sent him for a foreign assignment he happily accepted it, thinking that I will get a break from all this. I reached US although my in-laws were not at all ready to send me. My sil-mil keep taunting me till date that I've taken away their brother/son (although it was the company work not me who sent him for foreign assignment). Now my SIL has created even messier situation for me. Whenever my husband would call her she would ask for me and ask me in a taunting way how are your parents etc. etc. Although she stays in the same town and she should know better than me, but she never calls them. Recently my SIL's devar got married and she didn't invite my parents. My parents thought they will at least get an invitation card, but no invitation no phone call. Neither my SIL's in-laws invited my parents. It was very shameful, being in the same town she should have personally gone and invited them, if she didn't have time atleast she could have called them on phone and if she really didn't want to talk to them at least her in-laws could have sent the invitation card. waise bhee mere parents kausa jaa rahe the, bas courtesy bhee koi cheese hoti hia. My MIL knew all about it but she didn't say anything. Even my husband felt bad that my parents were not invited as there had been no fighting or any verbal abuse between her or her family and my parents. Now it's very clear that my SIL doesn't want to keep any relationship with them. My parents are very simple people and don't do any kind of drama and all. Now my SIL in spite of doing such a thing is always very inquisitive about what my parents are doing how many times I call them, what I talk to them about. I just hate when she does that. I just don't feel like talking to her, just because of her horrible thinking and misbehavior. But I have to talk as my husband insists that she is his sister. Both my SIL and MIL keep asking when my husbands project is getting over, I just hate when they talk about all this. I just don't want to go back in that hell where his mother and sister made my life so miserable. Can you dils give me some guidance regarding this whole situation and about my SIL how can one deal with such a double standard lady.
thank you for taking time to read my problem. augustborn replied. Dear Friend,
I think I understand your problem(have a somewhat similar situation at home). What I understand is:
1. Your husband is not blind to the situation and knows that his family is not treating you right: This is in your favour. Donot complain about his family to him. He knows their short-coming. I am sure he is ashamed of their behaviour but is not able to bring himself to acknowledge it infront of you...
2. Your MIL might not be a bad person if your SIL leaves her alone and stops poisoning her mind: Give your relationship with your MIL another chance. It wont be very easy if your SIL continues to poison her mind against you but you do your duty and see if you succeed.
3. Your SIL suffers from some kind of a delusion that since she was instrumental in promoting this match, both you and your parents should be eternally grateful to her: Ignore your SIL, she's not worth your attention. Your parents are elder to her. She should respect them, if not as your parents then as elders. But she chooses not to. Someone forgot to give her basic education in courtesy and respect. Dont waste your time in assessing her motives. As far as her questions go regarding your return, refer them to your husband. Her other impertinent questions needn't be answered. Smile and ask,\";Why do you want to know.\";
Be brave...and consider this as a vacation for yourself and dont spoil it by thinking of people who dont deserve your notice....

Cheers!