Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

But in this situation you have to understand few things.
1.Your MIL is form a very different background(as you told in ur post), and she has been there since her childhhod, so its not justified to expect her to suudenly change and behave like modern educated women.
2. You have be a bigger person here caus you are educated, modern and have the mind to understand and comprehand the ituation better than her.
So In this situation the best thing is to ignore her remarks or just to tell her that you have got friends and neighbours who are good (she is not coming daily to see whether you have got neighbors or not). Also try to make her understand bout the culture and lifestyle here. Imagine if it were your mother, won't you expalin everything to her in detail without getting tensed.
You are a mature, educated woman, you have to think like one. Cursing your MIL or discussing these things with some ladies who are laready not getting along with their mom in laws will not solve the trouble.
Remember, all our education and intelligence is proved only when we are faced with troubles , specially in relationships and how we tackle them is the proof that we are worth our so called \";modern upbringing\";
Just think if it were your mother and her DIL, will you expect her to bitch about her on these forums with other ladies??
Don't be offended, calm down and think with cool..Your husband loves you and understands your problme,..(as he only suggested to ignore the remarks). So be brave, be mature and be a bigger person than your uneduacted, conservative MIL. Thats when it makes sense! bugged replied. I want to add few more incidents and if you could guide me. My MIL is very biased for her daughter/son and she goes beyond her limits and it's very frustrating for me. When I visit her she wants that I should get up early in the morning around 6 (like an ideal bahu) and start doing her chamchagiri. Gosh, I visit there for vacation not to attend some kind of boot camp. I have a small kid and sometimes I don't sleep the whole night because of him. And obviously one won't expect that I will get up so early. So by chance I am even 5 minutes late in getting late she will knock on the door and say bahu rani abhi tak pat nahi khule tumhare. God I really feel like hitting the roof. When her daughter doesn't sleep taking care of her kids why does she tell the whole household to keep quite such that her daughter can get a good sleep? Why this discrimination? Her son doesn't even stay awake till late taking care of the baby or doing any household chores then why doesn't she ask him to get up early. Why only me?
Lady you haven't encountered horrible in-laws that's why you are giving your speech. Come and stay with my MIL one day and you will get a taste of reality then.
bugged replied. Hi Rani,
Thanks a lot for your kind suggestions. First of all who is expecting my MIL to suddenly change and acts like a modern educated lady. What I want is at least she should not call me in the middle of the night when I am getting few hours of sleep after a hectic day (after dealing with work-home-kid). I have no time and patience to hear her bhashan at that hour-about how I am mistreating her grandchild. I think when your MIL will call you and tell you this even your statements in this forum will be more despicable than mine.
Coming to the question of being a bigger person, I have been raised abroad and I don't expect her to share same mentality like mine and vice versa. Then why in the world she expects me to be like a home bound bahu and act like her.
Next you mentioned about make her understand about the culture and lifestyle here Well I have tried my best to make her understand and that too without any success on my part. But when her daughter (my SIL) who also lives in US shares her thoughts my MIL doesn't give her any bhashan. Why only me? Even my SIL's kids get sick, she doesn't tell her to pack up her bags and come back to her in-laws. Rather she keeps telling her it's better to stay away as much as possible from her in-laws (i.e. my SIL's in-laws).
FYI, I am not cursing her at all. I am just putting forth my problems and asking seasoned ladies who have already undergone such traumatic experiences for their suggestions.
You also mentioned about calming down and cooling, that's what I had been doing so far and it's not of any help. She keeps increasing the level of her tanashahi every time I try to ignore her comments. So there has got to be a solution. How long will she take me for granted?