Don't you think it's funny that men try to act very macho and they have these big egos they show us women or wives. But just try to hear them talk to their mothers on the phone or even face to face. They are like chickens! Seriously, everytime I hear the way my husband talks to his mum makes me laugh. It's so girlish and they answer each and every question in detail! I am not unhappily married, nor can MIL ever touch or say anything to me, she has tried and I have burnt her badly big time (not burnt her literally my dears!!). She can never mess with me! But I just think men are loosers all the way!!!!
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Don't you think it's funny that men try to act very macho and they have these big egos they show us women or wives. But just try to hear them talk to their mothers on the phone or even face to face. They are like chickens! Seriously, everytime I hear the way my husband talks to his mum makes me laugh. It's so girlish and they answer each and every question in detail! I am not unhappily married, nor can MIL ever touch or say anything to me, she has tried and I have burnt her badly big time (not burnt her literally my dears!!). She can never mess with me! But I just think men are loosers all the way!!!!
augustborn replied. Hi Diligent..I absolutely loved your anecdotes...I am gonna start a couple of threads about this where all DIL's can unwind..wot say:)
Meera replied. Dear Diligent,
Thanks for your help. I would like to give you a detailed history of my married life.
My hubby works abroad and is a spendthrift. He is working abroad for the past 10 years but has not saved anything. I have two kids. After coming every year, he spends lavishly on drinks, parties, etc. My ILs are taking advantage of all this. They butter him very much whereas he is not bothered about savings for the kids. My husband has three brothers. My husband is younger among them but he got married after his 2nd brother. My ILs are very well off whereas we are just OK. The 2nd day of our marriage my MIL told that the house will be for the unmarried son i.e. for the 3rd brother. She started harassing me and I went to my parents house. When my husband came down every year, I used to go with him to his parents house and stay there till he leaves abroad. I insisted many times to make a separate house but he says tell your parents or brothers to make. He send a small amount for children every month.
Next the 3rd brother got married. They went separate because of MILx harassment. I got a chance to speak that none of her DIL are with her. But he does'nt understand, may be he pretends. Now MIL says that house is for my husband, just to squeeze out his money every year.
My husband keeps all his passports, passbooks, gold etc with his parents. He is 100% mama's boy. He is a stone hearted person.
This time he came down after two years but I did not go with him. I am working. He just came to see the kids. This time I asked him to make a house, he told tell your brothers to give a house to you. He goes for picnic with his family. They have nice parties everyday. I don't talk with my ILs.
My brothers are married and working abroad. If my brothers make a house for me, do I need this husband ? The good part of me is that when he calls I let my children speak to him. Do you think I should do that just because he sends a petty amount. My salary is not much but I somehow manage with the help of my parents.
Kindly help. You may not get a complete picture, because I have written down haphazardly. I would able to better explain orally.
Pls. help
augustborn replied. Hey Guys...a few funny incidents from my IL exp...:)
1. I was at my IL's and they had embarked upon their fav past-time i.e; how great my SIL's are. I listened for a while, even nodding my head every now and then but the ordeal went on and on. When I had too much and couldn't ignore their bragging any longer...I smiled very sweetly at them and sighed and said,\";I wish my parents were here. They would have also loved to brag about me.\"; I wish I had a camera, their faces were a sight to see.
2. After a few days of my marriage, my IL's started a discussion on how well they had arranged their daughters marriage. Then they said, your parents should also have taken 'ABC hall'(the one they had taken for their daughters marriage) as the arrangements for baraatis are excellent. I was a few days old 'bahu' but I thought that if I let this go, they will do tandav on my head forever:)...So I smilingly said,\"; Even though you guys did so much on ur daughters wedding, I am sure the groom's side was still not happy...they would have still found out some issue. One can never make the guys side happy whatever one does. The same goes for my parents also. Had they treated you all at Taj hotel, I am sure many baraatis would still be cribbing...\"; This shut them up forever.
3. My MIL and SIL's had come to visit us(we lived in another state)after one month of marriage. I had taken them shopping and when we all came back, we were dead tired. As soon as we reached home, I went in the kitchen to make tea and snacks for everyone(they were my guests afterall). None of them came in to help me, so I called my husband and asked him to give me a helping hand. The minute he came in, my MIL came running and said,\";He is tired. I will help\";...I smiled and jokingly(outwardly)told her,\";Am I not tired? Why didnt you come to help me...but seeing your own child here made you come. Had my mom been here, she too would have come to help me.\"; Then I turned towards my dh and said jokingly,\";Wait till my mom comes, I will make you slog then.\"; Everyone got the message that she is not a 'bichari bahu'...
God there are so many such incidents...:)
MEERA replied. dear diligent,
it is only possible to give tit for tat if your husband is on your side atleast to some extent. But my hubby is a mama's boy totally and will never support me. We have separated now though he is in touch with the kids. My MIL is taking advantage of this situation. What do I do ?
Diligent replied. Hi Ladies,
If you want some tips to handle your in-laws you will have to tell me a situation and I can tell you how you could react! Take care! Hey augustborn, glad to know there are women who share the same spirit as me out there!!!
augustborn replied. Diligent...I love your spirit!
Way to go lady...
Even my IL's know now that they cant mess with me. I have sent a very clear signal to them and my husband:
To my IL's: Love me and I will love you back. Mess with me and I will mess with you so bad that you won't know what hit you.
To my hubby: Love and respect my parents and I will do the same for your's but dare you slight my parents, I will make everyone's life hell!
They all know now that I mean business. My SIL's tried some stunts with me but I have put them in their place...\";Sherni se panga nahi\";
Girls noone can kill your spirit, only you can do it to yourself...
me too replied. hey
i agree with u
pls give us some tips
niyathi replied. hey,
i need ur tips to handle my mil, can u please write it down for me,
2005-02-01
#1
Name: augustborn Subject: loved it!
Hi Diligent..I absolutely loved your anecdotes...I am gonna start a couple of threads about this where all DIL's can unwind..wot say:)
2005-02-01
#2
Name: Diligent Subject: That would be great!
That's a good idea
2005-01-31
#3
Name: Meera Subject: to diligent
Dear Diligent,
Thanks for your help. I would like to give you a detailed history of my married life.
My hubby works abroad and is a spendthrift. He is working abroad for the past 10 years but has not saved anything. I have two kids. After coming every year, he spends lavishly on drinks, parties, etc. My ILs are taking advantage of all this. They butter him very much whereas he is not bothered about savings for the kids. My husband has three brothers. My husband is younger among them but he got married after his 2nd brother. My ILs are very well off whereas we are just OK. The 2nd day of our marriage my MIL told that the house will be for the unmarried son i.e. for the 3rd brother. She started harassing me and I went to my parents house. When my husband came down every year, I used to go with him to his parents house and stay there till he leaves abroad. I insisted many times to make a separate house but he says tell your parents or brothers to make. He send a small amount for children every month.
Next the 3rd brother got married. They went separate because of MILx harassment. I got a chance to speak that none of her DIL are with her. But he does'nt understand, may be he pretends. Now MIL says that house is for my husband, just to squeeze out his money every year.
My husband keeps all his passports, passbooks, gold etc with his parents. He is 100% mama's boy. He is a stone hearted person.
This time he came down after two years but I did not go with him. I am working. He just came to see the kids. This time I asked him to make a house, he told tell your brothers to give a house to you. He goes for picnic with his family. They have nice parties everyday. I don't talk with my ILs.
My brothers are married and working abroad. If my brothers make a house for me, do I need this husband ? The good part of me is that when he calls I let my children speak to him. Do you think I should do that just because he sends a petty amount. My salary is not much but I somehow manage with the help of my parents.
Kindly help. You may not get a complete picture, because I have written down haphazardly. I would able to better explain orally.
Pls. help
2005-02-02
#4
Name: Meera Subject: diligent
Dear diligent,
It is not that he does not want to take me abroad. he is insisting me to come abroad but I don't want to go since I had already been there twice. I really had a tough time there. Going to work and doing work at home. that time I had one kid now I have two kids and already they have started going to school. He does not help in household chores. Everything has to be done by me. He will come from office, sit to drink and watch Tv till 12.00 at night and I should be awake till then to entertain him after watching TV. I fell sick. So I have decided never to there with him there. Just go for visit only. Now I don't want to go back and start that again. With great difficulty, I have managed to put my children to school and get a job.
I am really getting angry with what is happening now.
2005-02-01
#5
Name: Diligent Subject: Meera
Hi Meera,
I completely get the picture of your problems.
First and foremost the main problem here is your husband. This is a man who is enjoying his life,(getting the cake and the cream,) he does not have to live with you or the children so he has absolutely no responsibilities financially or even as a father. He has a good time where he is working, attending parties, drinking, who knows he could be seeing women too for time pass. I know of many expatriates who have a wife back home and purposely don't bring them to the country of work because they are having fun living life like a bachelor. I don't mean to make you suspicious but this is reality and it is happening all over the world.
First of all, why should he work abroad and you don't accompany him? You should have never agreed to that. It is a bad idea to live apart. And also, you shouldn't have moved in with your parents, if you can not accompany him under certain circumstances than it is his duty and your lawful right that he provides a suitable residence for you and the children.
Your brothers have no obligations to provide for you, they have lives of their own and why should he even think about them buying you a house. If that was the case then yes you are right what do you need a husband for?
I suggest you see a good lawyer and find out what your rights are. Do you know he is supposed to legally provide for the children even if you are working.
Your husband somehow sounds like a fishy person and I'd suggest you find out more about him first and where you stand. Your in-laws really aren't an issue here. Yes as parents I would call them failures for squeezing money out of him, if they have enough of their own. and secondly, they should advise their son to be with his wife and kids. But in-laws are better at breaking marriages than making them work.
He keeps all the gold, cheque books etc at his parent's house because he does not want you to know his income and expenses. If you find out than you will start demanding right? Plus you will know what he spends on.
Do get smart and look into this matter. Don't get cheated because that is what these people are trying to do. I hope this helps. Take care and you can always write back.
2005-01-31
#6
Name: augustborn Subject: Lets have fun!
Hey Guys...a few funny incidents from my IL exp...:)
1. I was at my IL's and they had embarked upon their fav past-time i.e; how great my SIL's are. I listened for a while, even nodding my head every now and then but the ordeal went on and on. When I had too much and couldn't ignore their bragging any longer...I smiled very sweetly at them and sighed and said,\";I wish my parents were here. They would have also loved to brag about me.\"; I wish I had a camera, their faces were a sight to see.
2. After a few days of my marriage, my IL's started a discussion on how well they had arranged their daughters marriage. Then they said, your parents should also have taken 'ABC hall'(the one they had taken for their daughters marriage) as the arrangements for baraatis are excellent. I was a few days old 'bahu' but I thought that if I let this go, they will do tandav on my head forever:)...So I smilingly said,\"; Even though you guys did so much on ur daughters wedding, I am sure the groom's side was still not happy...they would have still found out some issue. One can never make the guys side happy whatever one does. The same goes for my parents also. Had they treated you all at Taj hotel, I am sure many baraatis would still be cribbing...\"; This shut them up forever.
3. My MIL and SIL's had come to visit us(we lived in another state)after one month of marriage. I had taken them shopping and when we all came back, we were dead tired. As soon as we reached home, I went in the kitchen to make tea and snacks for everyone(they were my guests afterall). None of them came in to help me, so I called my husband and asked him to give me a helping hand. The minute he came in, my MIL came running and said,\";He is tired. I will help\";...I smiled and jokingly(outwardly)told her,\";Am I not tired? Why didnt you come to help me...but seeing your own child here made you come. Had my mom been here, she too would have come to help me.\"; Then I turned towards my dh and said jokingly,\";Wait till my mom comes, I will make you slog then.\"; Everyone got the message that she is not a 'bichari bahu'...
God there are so many such incidents...:)
2005-02-01
#7
Name: Diligent Subject: HI
Hi, your incidents are great I could not help but laugh!! and you handled them so well.
I have such memories as well. After I delivered my first born and my mum left my in-laws decided to visit us immediately. In the afternoon when my son used to sleep I used to take a nap to recover my sleep and DH had told me that you don't do any house work while you have help, just relax.
So everytime I would come down in the evening and hubby would return from work MIL would start singing her song about how SIL was so active after her delivery, she used to cook, clean, run around etc etc. At that point I kept quiet. Soon after we went to SIL's place and they put on the video tape of her child from birth to 5. During the day all she did was sleep, the whole movie had her just on the bed. There was a point in the movie where, my MIL is bathing the baby and she asks my SIL to get up and pass her the soap and my SIL goes loudly, no I'm not doing it I want to sleep! God I had the last laugh. I spoke loudly and said to my SIL you were "very active after your delivery". There was pin drop silence in the room!
A second incident is when my in-laws visited during summer SIL's in-laws had just immigrated and were living with her. Ofcourse my in-laws like to do chamchagiri for their daughter's happiness so they invited them all home. Some topic came up of giving gifts and my MIL trying to insult me said whatever I gift my bahu she doesn't like it and gives it away or discards it. They only like mummy's sent gifts. MY SIL's MIL replied even more loudly to my MIL, yes your daughter is the same, when we send things it goes at the back of the cupboard and even if it is worn occasionally never appreciated. But if you guys send something it is bragged and told about to every one öh my mum sent me this, my mum sent me that! Ha again that was a good one!
and so there are many such incidents that all us women should share for a good laugh!
2005-01-30
#8
Name: MEERA Subject: to diligent
dear diligent,
it is only possible to give tit for tat if your husband is on your side atleast to some extent. But my hubby is a mama's boy totally and will never support me. We have separated now though he is in touch with the kids. My MIL is taking advantage of this situation. What do I do ?
2005-01-31
#9
Name: Diligent Subject: Hi Meera
No Meera, it is not true that you can give tit for tat to your in-laws only if your hubby is on your side. Like I said, they are chickens when it comes to their mothers. They just pretend to be macho the rest of time to feed their false male ego - oh we are so strong. My own MIL has told me more than once, men are weak!
You say you are seperated are your divorced or just temporarily seperated? And why should MIL be using your children? YOu use your children to get your husband back. The next time he comes to visit or calls, tell him I am sorry you can not talk to the children because they get very upset that we are not together. And if you want a relationship with them you behave like a father. Someone who does not live seperately, a father who treats their mother appropriately and contributes a healthy image in the household. Tell him my children need love, security and assurance 24 hours a day from both of us and if you can't give that buzz off. Put conditions, don't make it comfortable for him, he doesn't have to see your face, but he can see the kids when he feels like. And tell him also I don't want my kids visiting your mother. She brings out a negative influence on them. I am their mother and I know what's best for them. And you have every right to do that. See if that helps.
2005-01-30
#10
Name: Diligent Subject: yo girls!
Hi Ladies,
If you want some tips to handle your in-laws you will have to tell me a situation and I can tell you how you could react! Take care! Hey augustborn, glad to know there are women who share the same spirit as me out there!!!
2005-01-28
#11
Name: augustborn Subject: way to go!
Diligent...I love your spirit!
Way to go lady...
Even my IL's know now that they cant mess with me. I have sent a very clear signal to them and my husband:
To my IL's: Love me and I will love you back. Mess with me and I will mess with you so bad that you won't know what hit you.
To my hubby: Love and respect my parents and I will do the same for your's but dare you slight my parents, I will make everyone's life hell!
They all know now that I mean business. My SIL's tried some stunts with me but I have put them in their place...\";Sherni se panga nahi\";
Girls noone can kill your spirit, only you can do it to yourself...
2005-01-28
#12
Name: tipsNULL Subject: some tips
hey aug born
can u pls quote some examples.....with ur ILs
2005-01-28
#13
Name: me too Subject: cool
hey
i agree with u
pls give us some tips
2005-01-28
#14
Name: niyathi Subject: hey
hey,
i need ur tips to handle my mil, can u please write it down for me,
All tips on Parents of Schoolgoers
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No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : Isn't it funny...
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All tips on Parents of Schoolgoers
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : Isn't it funny...
Subscribe to this conversation!
All tips on Parents of Schoolgoers
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
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loved it!
Name: Diligent
That would be great!
to diligent
Lets have fun!
to diligent
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