Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi all,

We are living out of India. we'll be going to india for about 15 days. I wanted to know how do the other dils manage their time in India. I dont know if my hubby will join us as he is pressured for work at his workplace. I will be alone to fend for myself (not that my husband is very useful in situations!!)

very typical situations where the ILs are bothered too much if i go stay with my people. i should state that I had a love marraige and my ILs have never spoken to my parents. I am happy with that situation actually as it saves a lot of trouble for my parents.

the other thing is i just stay 30 minutes away from parents. How nice everyone would think. But in reality its very troublesome. as soon as i go, there will be someone coming over to visit my in laws and they would want me to come over for the night or something ..its very harrowing when you have a small kid and dozens of bags to take care and board a bus.

How to manage time? I want to come back happy from my trip. Last time it was just hell. We were ther for 15 days amd INlaws would feel insecure on the smallest of things and start a fight. i cried cried thru the 15 days.horrible trip!!

Before my baby, even though they didt like me too much they insisted i stay with them, they go to drop me to the airport etc..not that they love me,but just gives them something to do, importance. My FIL has stopped working since my hubby started working well. He is just 55 and he still has a son and a daughter to marry off. Just stays in front of the TV all day.

Verbal abuse and over possesiveness by my MIL and plain backward stupid talk by my FIL, no respect towards my family even when my father passed away, has put me off towards them for life. I dont like them at all, last people on this planet i would ever like to meet.

Still i have to maintain relationship for my husband.

Please help me. i spend sleepless nights and dont feel like going even though i miss my family so much! Those 15 days trouble me 30 days before and 30 after if you know what i mean!

Seeking husbands help i have seen only complicates issues. MIL gets personal and FIL follows crying. Horrible.

waiting for your mails. a friend replied. Hey,
I also agree with others that one should stay equal number of days at both the places. I used to stay at my in-laws longer thinking that to be my duty. But I heard my MIL saying to someone once that she (i.e. I) doesn't care about her parents and nor does her parents care about her. When I heard this I felt very bad and depressed. My parents love me a lot and I also love them. But then I try to forgive such silly things about my MIL. And try to enjoy my vacation as much as possible (although its not so generally). But I wish you luck and just don't bother much.
Take care! An replied. Thanks a lot.didnt expect to see replies so fast!
i guess i'll just stop thinking about it for now. and when all comes just enter into it all..then come what may

as RA has replied, firm but fair is the key i guess.

I agree with why anyone should stay more than or less than 50% of the time at either places.

i have one married SIL.she has teh same problem. the ILs are quick to point out or complain when she has any simillar problems with her ILs. but then they turn around come back and do the same to me. sad. hey replied. Yes i have this problem as well.
my parents live in bombay and my inlaws live in chennai.
remember ur parents need u as much as ur inlaws and also ur happiness is more important.
it wud be ok to give in a bit if u like ur inlwas and all.
but if they r as bad as u say, please please put ur priorities at first.
first of all, demand for equal rights to ur husband.
saY UR FAMILY IS EQUALLY IMPORTANT.
be firm and say that u will stay in ur house as long as u like.
dont care so much about their feelings as they dont care about urs.
its high time we dils stood for ourselves.
lets all be selfish cos we have seen that being selfless doesnt help RA replied. i think most of us have the same problem. i agree with the previous reply.
i would suggest asking ur husband to communicate to ur ILs that u would spend half the time with them and half with ur parents.perhaps the first part with ur ILs. busy urself during that time with shopping and accept invitations from others of this household only for the first half. let ur mom-in-law know about this so that she realizes that ur accepting offers from relatives means spending less time with them and she can dissuade the relatives then .
be firm but fair. it might make u unpopular but after all it is ur life. j replied. hey,

u know this situation every women faces who stays outside india, and not only outside india, even womenw who stay in india has the same problem,
even ihave planned to go to india and theres still 6 months but from now itself i m worrying about it, i thought max no. of days i can spend in my IL's house is out of 30 days max i can stay for 13-15 days not more than that. i would spend equal no. of days with my parents no matter what my hubby says, and my in-laws say or my sis in law say ,
bye