Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi all,

sometime back i had raised a point saying that since handling in-laws is such a heated topic and the problem of many a dil, india parenting might help us with a counselor. Since not much of a response ther, lets help ourselves.
Here's an article on how to handle IL's.

DIL's do keep posting any ways you find particularly efficient of handling IL's/. DIL powerr...



Regardless of the advice from your in-laws, it is your baby, and in the end, you will raise your child the way that you think best. So it's rarely worth creating a war over a well-meaning person's comments. You can respond to unwanted advice in a variety of ways:

Listen first
It's natural to be defensive if you feel that someone is judging you; but chances are you are not being criticized; rather, the other person is sharing what they feel to be valuable insight. Try to listen -- you may just learn something valuable.

Disregard
If you know that there is no convincing the other person to change her mind, simply smile, nod and make a non-committal response, such as, \";Interesting!\"; Then go about your own business -- your way.

Agree
You might find one part of the advice that you agree with. If you can, provide wholehearted agreement on that topic.

Pick your battles
If your mother-in-law insists that Baby wear a hat on your walk to the park, go ahead and pop one on his head. This won't have any long-term effects except that of placating her. However, don't capitulate on issues that are important to you or the health or well-being of your child.

Steer clear of the topic
If your brother is pressuring you to let your baby cry to sleep, but you would never do that, then don't complain to him about your baby getting you up five times the night before. If he brings up the topic, then distraction is definitely in order, such as, \";Would you like a cup of coffee?\";

Educate yourself
Knowledge is power; protect yourself and your sanity by reading up on your parenting choices. Rely on the confidence that you are doing your best for your baby.

Educate the other person
If your \";teacher\"; is imparting information that you know to be outdated or wrong, share what you've learned on the topic. You may be able to open the other person's mind. Refer to a study, book, or report that you have read.

Quote a doctor
Many people accept a point of view if a professional has validated it. If your own pediatrician agrees with your position, say, \";My doctor said to wait until she's at least six months before starting solids.\"; If your own doctor doesn't back your view on that issue, then refer to another doctor -- perhaps the author of a baby care book.

Be vague
You can avoid confrontation with an elusive response. For example, if your sister asks if you've started potty training yet (but you are many months away from even starting the process), you can answer with, \";We're moving in that direction.\";

Ask for advice!
Your friendly counselor is possibly an expert on a few issues that you can agree on. Search out these points and invite guidance. She'll be happy that she is helping you, and you'll be happy you have a way to avoid a showdown about topics that you don't agree on.

Memorize a standard response
Here's a comment that can be said in response to almost any piece of advice: \";This may not be the right way for you, but it's the right way for me.\";

Be honest
Try being honest about your feelings. Pick a time free of distractions and choose your words carefully, such as, \";I know how much you love Harry, and I'm glad you spend so much time with him. I know you think you're helping me when you give me advice about this, but I'm comfortable with my own approach, and I'd really appreciate if you'd understand that.\";


Find a mediator
If the situation is putting a strain on your relationship with the advice-giver, you may want to ask another person to step in for you. Search out like-minded friends

CD of_course_a_dil replied. Surely some good ideas to ponder. thanks. cdina replied. dont dont dont don't let in-laws come between you and your spouse.


\";But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife: And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.\"; (Mark 10:6-9)