Hi
i have been married for 5 years and have a 11month girl. I stay with my in laws. I find them very interfering especilally in the way i bring up the child. they have set patterns of how things have to be done and if it goes otherwise they make a hue and cry and give me cold shoulders. the problem is there is a huge ganging up against me. MY MIL, FIL, spinster SIL and my MILs mother. Right from feeding, dressing, bathing, buying stuff they have some comment to pass on that is always against me. they think they are advising but its starting to get on my nerves. they even meddle in intimate issues. There is ni privacy in the house unless i lock the room they walk in and out and use my bedroom balcony leisurely without realising that i want to use the room. My hisband says that its my fault and that i am exaggerating things. We are building a house in which everybody has a say and i have none. Its really fustrating. If we stay seperately (provided i convince my hubby)i wonder how i can go to work as i am planning to resume work soon.I stay in chennai , india where there are no good day cares.any advise welcome
depressed
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Hi
i have been married for 5 years and have a 11month girl. I stay with my in laws. I find them very interfering especilally in the way i bring up the child. they have set patterns of how things have to be done and if it goes otherwise they make a hue and cry and give me cold shoulders. the problem is there is a huge ganging up against me. MY MIL, FIL, spinster SIL and my MILs mother. Right from feeding, dressing, bathing, buying stuff they have some comment to pass on that is always against me. they think they are advising but its starting to get on my nerves. they even meddle in intimate issues. There is ni privacy in the house unless i lock the room they walk in and out and use my bedroom balcony leisurely without realising that i want to use the room. My hisband says that its my fault and that i am exaggerating things. We are building a house in which everybody has a say and i have none. Its really fustrating. If we stay seperately (provided i convince my hubby)i wonder how i can go to work as i am planning to resume work soon.I stay in chennai , india where there are no good day cares.any advise welcome
depressed
Ravi replied. Hi,
I read your message !!! Its disturbing and I understand what you are going through. Its not a healthy situation for a husband to be backboneless and leave his wife to vultures at home. You have 2 options. First option talk to him and be serious about your concern and make him to address your concern seriously else second option in the interest of your child and your health you will have to move out to your parent's place till your husband is willing to understand your needs. This decision has to be quick and sensible one from your side. Dont wait too long for things to get worse as it will affect your health on the longer run and you will not be able to perform professionally in your career. Just a day care will not help solve your problem. Dont stay depressed !! Be brave and act accordingly.
ccc replied. Dear friend,
I was also going through a similar situation.But my flock is not so big, and i don't allow too much of interference from my in-laws. Of course this was possible only because my hubby supports me. Just don't let their comments affect you, let them say whatever they want, u do whatever u feel is right for your baby. With a little bit of tactics u can achieve it.,for eg., my mil never allowed me to give the kids curd rice,and a wide variety of fruits saying it is cold., i consulted the doctor, he said there is nothing like that. From that day onwards i am giving them lots of fruit juices and of course they love curd rice now.
I feel the best possible solution is u go for work., leave the kid in a day care.,i do that right from 13th month of my kids(they are twins) and i am really pleased with the way the kids are taken care there. They also love the company of other kids .Of course we did a lot of searching before deciding upon this one.I am from Annanagar, Chennai.I used Annanager Times for searching.,Even in other areas of Chennai they have their local newspapers., Adyar times., Yellow Pages..
All the best, face the situation with courage., take bold decisions.
abx replied. Hi depressed and worried,
I understand ur situation very well, and can understand what sort of a phase u r undergoing. But u said, there are no good day cares in chennai. There are many good preschools in chennai, as my cousin sister put her daughter in a good one, some years, back, . But i don't remember the name. But in the same site i heard of some names, called, the nest, Bamboo, etc etc which are a few preschools in chennai. If u call up one of them, they should be able to guide, u to few other day cares.
And if u don't find a suitable one, my sincere advice to u , is that u should give up ur carrer for a while. Not very long say for a year or year and a half, and then start putting her in a pre school, as she will be old enough then and can get along well with the other kids. I am damn sure, chennai does have some good preschools, near alwarpet and mylapore, etc etc. Why don't u give it a serious try. Even if u contact one of them, they will give u addresses of many other day cares, in that area.
Under any circumstances don't give up ur rights as a mother, coz once u start leaving ur kid with ur in laws, they think they are everything, and think too superior of themselves. So much, that we can't even say a word against them, and can't even have the freedom in taking care of our own babies!!!!!
For heavens, sake, don't join ur office, until u find a suitable day care. This is my sincere advice.
And reg ur privacy, why don't u lock up urself with ur kid, in the afternoon saying, its ur kid's nap time, and u too can stay in ur rooms. U must slowly make them understaand that after all u too have a private life for urselves. Do it in a polite, yet effective manner. Write to me more, if u need any more help.
take care and bye
Friend replied.
Dear Friend
The Problem which U R facing was faced by me & many of my friends too. But U need to tackle the situation diplomatically. U can go thru the book on Child Care by Dr.Spock which will help u take care of ur child on ur own & make u tackle all the problems as well.
As far as ur interference is concerned do no take it really seriously & do not react to anyone at that moment itself to make things worse, if anyone is advising U anything just listen to them coolly & do what ur mind says as U R the only Person to take any final decision related to ur child as u know u'll do only the best.
Complaining everytime to ur Husband could only worsen things so Behave nicely to everyone atleast in front of him so that he will never get a chance to blame U as he usually does.
Ur Child needs a mothers attention atleast till he is old enough to go to School so if U resume work U will again have to leave ur child in their hands which u r not ready to, so think & take a right decision with a cool mind to handle the current situation.
All the Best & Take Care
From a Friend
2003-05-07
#1
Name: Ravi Subject: interfering inlaws
Hi,
I read your message !!! Its disturbing and I understand what you are going through. Its not a healthy situation for a husband to be backboneless and leave his wife to vultures at home. You have 2 options. First option talk to him and be serious about your concern and make him to address your concern seriously else second option in the interest of your child and your health you will have to move out to your parent's place till your husband is willing to understand your needs. This decision has to be quick and sensible one from your side. Dont wait too long for things to get worse as it will affect your health on the longer run and you will not be able to perform professionally in your career. Just a day care will not help solve your problem. Dont stay depressed !! Be brave and act accordingly.
2002-11-20
#2
Name: ccc Subject: Face with courage
Dear friend,
I was also going through a similar situation.But my flock is not so big, and i don't allow too much of interference from my in-laws. Of course this was possible only because my hubby supports me. Just don't let their comments affect you, let them say whatever they want, u do whatever u feel is right for your baby. With a little bit of tactics u can achieve it.,for eg., my mil never allowed me to give the kids curd rice,and a wide variety of fruits saying it is cold., i consulted the doctor, he said there is nothing like that. From that day onwards i am giving them lots of fruit juices and of course they love curd rice now.
I feel the best possible solution is u go for work., leave the kid in a day care.,i do that right from 13th month of my kids(they are twins) and i am really pleased with the way the kids are taken care there. They also love the company of other kids .Of course we did a lot of searching before deciding upon this one.I am from Annanagar, Chennai.I used Annanager Times for searching.,Even in other areas of Chennai they have their local newspapers., Adyar times., Yellow Pages..
All the best, face the situation with courage., take bold decisions.
2003-04-04
#3
Name: skylers mom Subject: i feel ur pain!!!!!
OMG i feel youre pain Iam going threw same thing and ofcourse me df thinks iam exaggeratting too. I wish we could chat. Maybe we can :)
2002-10-10
#4
Name: abx Subject: day cares in chennai
Hi depressed and worried,
I understand ur situation very well, and can understand what sort of a phase u r undergoing. But u said, there are no good day cares in chennai. There are many good preschools in chennai, as my cousin sister put her daughter in a good one, some years, back, . But i don't remember the name. But in the same site i heard of some names, called, the nest, Bamboo, etc etc which are a few preschools in chennai. If u call up one of them, they should be able to guide, u to few other day cares.
And if u don't find a suitable one, my sincere advice to u , is that u should give up ur carrer for a while. Not very long say for a year or year and a half, and then start putting her in a pre school, as she will be old enough then and can get along well with the other kids. I am damn sure, chennai does have some good preschools, near alwarpet and mylapore, etc etc. Why don't u give it a serious try. Even if u contact one of them, they will give u addresses of many other day cares, in that area.
Under any circumstances don't give up ur rights as a mother, coz once u start leaving ur kid with ur in laws, they think they are everything, and think too superior of themselves. So much, that we can't even say a word against them, and can't even have the freedom in taking care of our own babies!!!!!
For heavens, sake, don't join ur office, until u find a suitable day care. This is my sincere advice.
And reg ur privacy, why don't u lock up urself with ur kid, in the afternoon saying, its ur kid's nap time, and u too can stay in ur rooms. U must slowly make them understaand that after all u too have a private life for urselves. Do it in a polite, yet effective manner. Write to me more, if u need any more help.
take care and bye
2002-08-31
#5
Name: Friend Subject: Good Luck
Dear Friend
The Problem which U R facing was faced by me & many of my friends too. But U need to tackle the situation diplomatically. U can go thru the book on Child Care by Dr.Spock which will help u take care of ur child on ur own & make u tackle all the problems as well.
As far as ur interference is concerned do no take it really seriously & do not react to anyone at that moment itself to make things worse, if anyone is advising U anything just listen to them coolly & do what ur mind says as U R the only Person to take any final decision related to ur child as u know u'll do only the best.
Complaining everytime to ur Husband could only worsen things so Behave nicely to everyone atleast in front of him so that he will never get a chance to blame U as he usually does.
Ur Child needs a mothers attention atleast till he is old enough to go to School so if U resume work U will again have to leave ur child in their hands which u r not ready to, so think & take a right decision with a cool mind to handle the current situation.
All the Best & Take Care
From a Friend
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