Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi Ladies,
I don't know if anyone of you had this kind of problem with your in-laws. Its kind of wired and I don't know whether I am being selfish or its just the right thing to do. I live in US with my husband and a year old baby boy. We had been married for 3 years. My in-laws live in India and they are quite well off. I and my husband earn the same amount and have a good understanding. But in spite of being financially sound my husband's parents expects that we should send all our money (whatever we save) to them. Not only this they expect that we (my husband and his siblings) should share our money/account. Although we don't live together but directly or indirectly its expected from us. I don't care what my husband does with his money that's his money. But I just don't like sending my money, its my hard earned money. Initially I wouldn't care but after having my child I feel we should have our own savings for our and our kid's future. Not to mention that all my co-sisters are very self-centered. How can I be sure that they don't create any problems in future when their own kids grow up? (I have already run into many problems in past with them which I had been trying to ignore.) We both (my husband I) work so hard and earn and what we land up is sending all our savings and having nothing for us. It is kind of frustrating. Can anyone suggest what I should do in such situation? I had been sending all my money so far thinking that I should have a good reputation with my in-laws. But now I just don't want to. Am I being too selfish? Please suggest what I should do. I don't want his parents to be offended with us. Also, I don't mind sending any amount if they are really in need. But when they don't need, then I think they should not expect. Any comments ladies??? ssh replied. Hey \";a sad DIL\";... I can totally relate to you.

I also have a 1-yr old son. and have been married for 5-yrs.

Ever since we are married, we have been helping my sis-inlaws to settledown... I didn't object, since my husband is yelder son...so he was taking the responsibility to get them married...also now we bought a house for my sis-in-law...and one for my inlaws..though the house which we bought for in-laws is in our name. That's one good thing.

But we don't even get a deserved compliment from them...as if it's our right to do those things. Even if I complain this to my hubby...he doesn't take it seriously as he doesn't expect these from them.

One good thing about my in-laws they also don't complain or interfere though.

Like you I also feel that I am being selfish...but when I think about my son, we both have to make his future.

Anyway...never feel guilty ...you got to think about yourself tooo... you can always help financially your in-laws only if they need it....if they are well off why worry. another DIL replied. what are your in-laws doing with your money any ways? What percentage of your income do you folks send to them? a sad DIL replied. Thank you friends for taking time to read my query and responding to it. I also think in the same direction as you all think. Its my baby's money. And I need to save it for his future.
Thanks again... Depressed replied. Hie,

Thank you all so much for your advice. Its really nice of all of you to share your thoughts and advice. I just need to hear that. Just one thing what should I do if she says things that I never say? Like create it on her own...Please advice and thank you all so much. I truly appreciate it so much. Hema replied. Dear friend ,
you are being used by your inlaws .... becoz you are simple . Please stop them . You have to fight for the money which belongs to your baby and his future . Tell your husband clearly that this is your baby's future whatever you earn and your husband earns so you will not let any more money go out of your house . Be very strong . If you dont look after your sons's future no one else will . So please gather some strength and stop this sending money business .
Just Stop please !!!
another DIL replied. There are few rules to marriage:
1. Your own family should be your no. 1 priority. meaning your spouse & children
2. Never enough with in-laws.
You guys - hubby & you ONLY need to sit down & calculate how much its going to cost to live in this country - buying a house, pay for your expenses, fun trips & your kids education fund. When you have done the math then you can go ahead & throw away the remaining amount in whatever black hole you choose. Sorry for my language, but I am mad at you. You know how hard it is to raise a family even with two incomes. And who is guaranteeing you that you'll both have jobs forever. The economy goes up n down, so god forbid you loose your job(s), who will pay you to survive? Have you saved enough for such emergencies. Theres usually a reason behind saving your income. If someone (may be your well off in-laws) helps you from India its going to be worth pennies. Rupee is like dirt in front of dollars. You guys are so in trouble. Good Luck !! what replied. what am i hearing is it true, for god's sake dont tell its true, are u gone nuts even before having a kid u would send all ur money to ur in-laws , u r sacrificing a lot i must say, if i was in your situation i would not have sent even my one month's saving to them other than taking a few gifits for them, what r u doing dear, latter u will have to repent for what u r doing now, now dil can satisfy her in-laws in her life, whatever she does they still have compalints against her, plzzzzzzz i would suggest u not to send money to them tell them indirectly its not possible to send and u have ur own expenses and u want to keep ur money

i must tell u again u r great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i would not have send even my one months savings i m saying this again friend replied. I think you should talk to your in-laws directly. Tell them in a tactful way that ,now that you have a child, expenditure has gone up. Tell them a figure in dollars and then convert into rupees. The figure in rupees always looks higher. Also, indirectly tell them about your expenses like house mortgage/rent,gas price etc and make them visualize that both the earnings goes only towards all these. There is very little that you are saving for a rainy day. I am sure they will get the hints. Even after this,they press you for money,just tell them you won't be able to provide for the next couple of months and after that if things get better for you,then you will gladly send it. Try it and keep us posted.