Start a new Topic

Read

Answer

---------- OR ----------

Create account

Join clubs to discuss your interests
Connect with people like you
Share information, seek advice, get support

You are here: Home > Message Boards > Parents of Schoolgoers > Role of in-laws >language problem n arm twisting

Parents of Schoolgoers Discussion Forum

Problems in School

Aggressive Kids

Articles

Health Issues

Behavioural Problems

Weight Concerns

Raising Children

Intelligent Child

Peer Pressure

REPLY LIST << PREVIOUS TOPIC NEXT TOPIC >> ALL TOPICS

Role of in-laws:language problem n arm twisting

2004-12-13

Name: punjabi voti I am a punjabi & my in-laws are marathi. I don't have the peachiest of the relationship with them. But its not nearly as bad as some of you. heres my problem, I find that MIL & FIL are doing a little bit of arm twisting with me. Whenevr i call my MIL insists that I speak marathi, she even asks my hubby that I should do that. he doesn't mind that I don't. I know some marathi so I speak in it with my other in-law relatives. They are all very nice to me. Long n short of it is I feel pressured to follow their customs with my MIL & FIL & thats why i resent doing it. But I seem to emrace it when I deal with hubby's other relatives. And its just not in speaking marathi, there are a lot of other things my MIL/FIL like to interfere in. They always want me to give in to their ways. I am tired of them giving me examples of DILs (from other backgrounds) who speak marathi. Whats your take on it? Should I give in?

Subscribe to this conversation Reply Anonymously

I am a punjabi & my in-laws are marathi. I don't have the peachiest of the relationship with them. But its not nearly as bad as some of you. heres my problem, I find that MIL & FIL are doing a little bit of arm twisting with me. Whenevr i call my MIL insists that I speak marathi, she even asks my hubby that I should do that. he doesn't mind that I don't. I know some marathi so I speak in it with my other in-law relatives. They are all very nice to me. Long n short of it is I feel pressured to follow their customs with my MIL & FIL & thats why i resent doing it. But I seem to emrace it when I deal with hubby's other relatives. And its just not in speaking marathi, there are a lot of other things my MIL/FIL like to interfere in. They always want me to give in to their ways. I am tired of them giving me examples of DILs (from other backgrounds) who speak marathi. Whats your take on it? Should I give in? Sumita replied. Did you get maried in Marathi family as an arrange marriage or you met your husband fell in love and got married. because in both the caes you knew that you are getting married in a marthi speaking family. If you are so uncomfortable learning new things just to make your loved ones happy, why did you get married inter-culturly?? And its our BIG EGOS hich make our life terrible.
I am a Marathi and married into a Tamil family. I tried to learn their culture, traditions and even language. I just took one small initiative and my family took even bigger steps and made me feel sooooo comfortable. Now my MIL is teaching me Tamil and I am teaching her Marathi..
Its a two way reaction..And it wouldn't kill to give in to your family..If your sisiter in law speaks other than your language, wouldn't you want her to learn ur language so that ur mom's life becomes easy!! mani replied. good for you..may there be more like you. I agree a 100 per cent!

good luck with your out-laws..i mean in-laws. mani replied. Hi again!
let me start with i am a maharashtrian! but am in an inter-cultural marraige like you with a far more daunting side to tackle. wont name where they are from but its an easy guess.
I would say you are better off being married to a maharashtrain than in the community i am in.
I had a very difficult time to say the least.but consistency does it i guess. i havent reached a point where I am my own identity but i am getting there slowly. Polite and firm are two ways which worked for me. You wont budge and you wont fight.wots the other person to do in such cases.
wait till you have a baby.thats the best part!would strongly suggest reinforce your identity, the beliefs you follow, time and again.later with the kid, it becomes very messy.
hope helps.good luck!
mani replied. been thru that. i can tell you by exp that the more you give into the more they wil expect from you
you dont have to speak the same language to be a good dil. remember that and hopefully try make them understand.
the beauty of an intercultural marraige is that children get to choose good parts from each culture. whats the point if you leave your identity totally?
but then there is always this point that if your in-laws are not beyond a certain maturity level to understand this, then best give in to \";them\"; only for the sake of mental peace.
raising your family is your decision.

2005-02-02

Name: Sumita
Subject:

Did you get maried in Marathi family as an arrange marriage or you met your husband fell in love and got married. because in both the caes you knew that you are getting married in a marthi speaking family. If you are so uncomfortable learning new things just to make your loved ones happy, why did you get married inter-culturly?? And its our BIG EGOS hich make our life terrible.
I am a Marathi and married into a Tamil family. I tried to learn their culture, traditions and even language. I just took one small initiative and my family took even bigger steps and made me feel sooooo comfortable. Now my MIL is teaching me Tamil and I am teaching her Marathi..
Its a two way reaction..And it wouldn't kill to give in to your family..If your sisiter in law speaks other than your language, wouldn't you want her to learn ur language so that ur mom's life becomes easy!!

2004-12-16

Name: mani
Subject:

atta girl!

good for you..may there be more like you. I agree a 100 per cent!

good luck with your out-laws..i mean in-laws.

2004-12-16

Name: punjabi voti
Subject:

i hope it goes well.

Thanks a bunch. It felt great to read your responses. I hope it works out this time. I may need to work at it everyday. Oh Well !!
Hopefully next time I'm just reading other postings instead of writing my own..:-)

2004-12-14

Name: mani
Subject:

how abt this...

Hi again!
let me start with i am a maharashtrian! but am in an inter-cultural marraige like you with a far more daunting side to tackle. wont name where they are from but its an easy guess.
I would say you are better off being married to a maharashtrain than in the community i am in.
I had a very difficult time to say the least.but consistency does it i guess. i havent reached a point where I am my own identity but i am getting there slowly. Polite and firm are two ways which worked for me. You wont budge and you wont fight.wots the other person to do in such cases.
wait till you have a baby.thats the best part!would strongly suggest reinforce your identity, the beliefs you follow, time and again.later with the kid, it becomes very messy.
hope helps.good luck!

2004-12-15

Name: punjabi voti
Subject:

different strokes

It so beautiful that we all have different cultures & traditions & socio-economic backgrounds. And thats why we have so many of them becoz not one is superior than the other. But then again beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Some might not see
it that way. It just frustrates me
that a loving & nurturing environment is not enough to raise a family.
It all boils down to whether or not you want to accept the person.
People will find absolutely any reason to discredit you if they wanted to. That again is a sign of their own insecurities !!
see yah.

2004-12-14

Name: mani
Subject:

super cool...

thats one thing that an intercultural marraige and living abroad has taught me.

What, if anything, do we owe our religion? What if we moved as children imbibing other cultures?

Come to think of it what boundaries can their be to identify yourself..? Political. Geographic. Religious. Linguistic. Logistic. Racial. Labour. Economic.

mixing and possibly strengthening the gene pool is the only way to go about..

sorry got a little acrried away there,but gist of it is that I dont take pride or hold myself down that i am a maharashtrian. I guess if you hold on, you get prejudiced somehwere down the line. ok ok. end of story.

My in-laws were here recently. managed to send them bak happy. Key to it is get the MIL. feed her, clothe her, get her lipsticks, a collagen cream or a bath if money permits..she;l go bak and write odes to you. sureshot. you can thank me later.

bye!

2004-12-14

Name: punjabi voti
Subject:

you've got it girl !!

Hi,
First off, I apologize for having sounded rude towards maharashtrians. I didn't mean to. Infact I completely agree on the fact that I am better off being married into a maharashtrian family than a punjabi one !! I have seen some nasty punjabi in-laws.
I had been through an extremely stressful time when my in-laws first visited me. But slowly
I am getting hold of the situation. On their next visit here (which is soon), I want to handle things in a more mature way. And make it as stressfree as possible.
Take care
Thanks

2004-12-13

Name: mani
Subject:

two edged sword

been thru that. i can tell you by exp that the more you give into the more they wil expect from you
you dont have to speak the same language to be a good dil. remember that and hopefully try make them understand.
the beauty of an intercultural marraige is that children get to choose good parts from each culture. whats the point if you leave your identity totally?
but then there is always this point that if your in-laws are not beyond a certain maturity level to understand this, then best give in to \";them\"; only for the sake of mental peace.
raising your family is your decision.

2004-12-13

Name: punjabi voti
Subject:

oh thank god.....

.....I am not the only one who feels this way. Thank you thank you. I didn't get married to transform myself into a marathi....no offense. My in-laws are a little conservative type. And I don't want to give in to their demands just coz they said so. I'm trying my best to do it as politely as possible. I want to let them know that they are welcomed & loved here but I am my own woman (if you will). Any tips on that?

All tips on Parents of Schoolgoers
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic :
language problem n arm twisting

Subscribe to this conversation! All tips on Parents of Schoolgoers
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic :
language problem n arm twisting

Thanks for subscribing

REPLY LIST << PREVIOUS TOPIC NEXT TOPIC >> ALL TOPICS

Expecting Parents

Routine Tests

Health Concerns

Diet and Exercise

Weight

Sex

Miscarriage and Child Loss

Parents of Babies

Sleeping

Crying & Colic

Feeding

Articles

Breastfeeding

Last 7 Posts of this Board

How to deal with this?

I feel that my husbands parents are using their son. My husband is from India and I am from the USA. He obtained his greencard and citizenship through me after coming here. He is a physician and obtained his residency training. I worked to earn for our family for two years until he got his job. Then he applied for his parents to visit us on a visiting visa. We were both wo... - Tina Shah [View Message]

RE:self centered inlaws

I agree they have completely double standards as I recently found out. I saw my husbands childhood photos when he was young. His parents claim they sacrificed everything for their kids and lived poor and behave like martyr parents. Got treated as free domestic servant. But the photos showed them dressed like Bollywood stars with watches and jewellery enjoying their life. O... - Tina [View Message]

RE:self centered inlaws

Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve. ... - Tina [View Message]

RE:Jadu on food?

Hi , I am facing the same thing.. I married my husband and we are not only from different caste but also different country. My in-laws are so nice to me on face but I can sense the jealousy and that inferiority majorly in my mother in law and my sister in law.. I never had such doubts but I experienced pain sadness , depression while they use to be nice .. and it was confu... - Noname [View Message]

RE:Mother-in-law spoiling my child

hello kajal,
you think that excess sugar given to him by your mother in law, and thats why you are worried about your son, so dont take stress of this thing, your son is little now, after some years, he will stop eating sugar by selfly.... - nandita [View Message]

RE:Mother-in-law spoiling my child

hello kajal,
if you are dont like your mother in law behaviour then tell her on face, that you dont whenever she gave sugar to her son, so she may be stop giving sugar to him, and your porblem will be sort out.... - kamna [View Message]

RE:Mother-in-law spoiling my child

hello kajal,
if you are rudely talking with her, then this is not way to talking with your mother in law, you tell her in polite way, your son is her grand son, so she never think about his bad effects.... - ruchita [View Message]

REPLY LIST << PREVIOUS TOPIC NEXT TOPIC >> ALL TOPICS

FEATURED ARTICLES
- Poor Immunity in Kids
- Five Fun Ways to Break Fussy Eating Habits in Kids
- Top 5 Easy-to-Make Ice-Candy Recipes for Kids
- Tips for Preventing Pinworms in Children
- Signs that a Child is Anaemic
- Things You Should Never Allow Your Son to Do
- Home Remedies for Cold in Children
- Reasons Why Kids May Start Disrespecting Parents
- Indian Baby Names
- Indian Baby Girl Names
- Indian Baby Boy Names
- Top 100 Hindu Baby Names
- Free Printable Coloring Pages for Kids and Adults