Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I have been living with my family in UK for almost 15 years now. But even after so many years, i am not comfortable with my inlaws. Lot of things they have said and done has got so engraved in me that i just can't forget/forgive them for it. My family life here has been good.Both i and my husband understand eachother. We are happy with our kids.He doesn't push me into doing anything that i don't want to. But,I still have to maintain a relationship with his side because they are his family. My question is am i doing something wrong if i am not sending cards/wishes,calling them to find out what's happening with all of them. I really don't even feel like talking to anyone. I used to do all that in my early years of my marriage. But now, i don't do it anymore. I no longer feel that i should be a dutiful daughter or sister in-law. The caring nature has died inside me. I can't fake it anymore. I also feel my husband has not done any of these nice things to my side of the family even once,so why should i bother? My parents don't even expect anything from him. Then why should a inlaw expect from me?. Please let me know if my way of thinking is wrong? Do u think minding my ownbusiness,is being arrogant or selfish??? Tired replied. Thanks to all of you for sharing your thoughts. Sometimes when everything else is going fine but only one sector(in-laws)in your life is so problematic,it really can send a person into depression. And this sector is such big part in your life.But i guess,we just have to live with it. There is only so much a person can do....

Take care guys....

Angel replied. It's so amazing how many of you share my problem. It is by chance that I found this website about a week ago when I was searching for help on how to deal with IL's. It's so difficult to take advice from most webpages as non-indians have a very different way of thinking. After 10yrs of marriage I felt that maybe I cause my IL's not to 'like' me. But after reading all your comments it't can't be true. When they come home to our house I treat them like royalty. I wonder why they 'allow' their sons to marry when it is so clear that no one will ever be good enough for their son. When u get told that, as i did, it makes things really bad. It's quite sad really, if MILs could just learn to be nice we could honor the women who gave us our DH!! amri replied. hi

I totally understand your problem.
i have been married only two years. i live in the uk too. i dont feel close at all to my in laws. they are good people at heart but its not necessary that all good people should get along.
i like my mother in law best of all. she is quite similar to my husband. whenever i go to india, i get along with her.. My father in law is a pain but i just put up with him.
i just cant stand my sisters -in-law.
the second one is the worst.
they both are the rudest people i have come across.
i am an only child and wanted sisters all my life . so i decided to warm up to them when i got married. the reactions that i got were terrible.
i was so hurt and felt so rejected, i refuse to talkto them even when they call up and want to speak to me.
i have developed a grudge which i am not able to let go.
bottom line is: it happens in probably one in 2 households.
we dont always get what we want.
but i have come to realise that a grudge is counter productive. it drains you of energy and leaves you feeling helpless. the other person lives on merrily without a care in the world.
its high time we indian DILS stopped these unfeeling inlaws ruin our lives like this.
Also, its quite normal to not care about inlaws after a while.
i stopped caring for them in the second year of my marriage.
after all, its hubby and kids who matter in the end. Friend replied. Hi Tired ,
I dont bother about my husband's family much . I keep it casual , If they call i speak a line or two and give the phone to my husband . In any case they have hurt me a lot so I just cant fake it . I have stopped taking initiatives to call them totally . It doesnt bother me , they may think what they like I couldnt care less .