Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

We are from India and are living with DHs parents. When we first got married, she tried so many things to break us up, including telling completely made up stories about me to hubby (I think she felt very threaten by me). Her behavior towards me completely shocked my husband. She had always shown so much care and affection for her only son (was their favorite over daughters), he could not believe that she would do all these things to the person he loved so deeply. My story goes like this, a few moths into the marriage, my hubby and I could not stand the tension at home and moved out. They cut all ties with us as we had done the unthinkable (their only son moving out during their old age (they were in their 50's and sixties). I was pregnant at the time and all this stress pushed me into early labour (sixth month). Fortunately, the doctors managed to keep it at slow labour and I was dialating very slowly for the next three months and our daughter was born on time. But during these three months I was hospitalized four times. My husband lost weight since he was working full time, doing all the chores at home and was looking after me. Not single one of my in-laws picked up the phone to call us and offer words of support. We called them when our daughter was born and they never even came to see her. Life was fine expect my husband carried a lot of guilt that he had abandoned his family (MIL did a great job by sending him on guilt trips if we ever ran into them). Unluckily for me, a few months later, MIL had a near death experience and we went rushing to see her at the hospital. We visited every day after work until she was ready to come home and that's when it all started again. Everyone (relatives) expected us to bring his parents, in their time of need, into our house and we did. Now it's been six years of emotional hell for both of us. I don't know how I have managed to spend the last six years with them but for last couple of months it's been feeling like, I cannot go on another day. They babysit the kids for us however, my husband and I have good paying jobs and can easily afford day care.

They have no respect for our house, furniture, privacy, cars they go though our bedroom while we're at work. They never clean after themselves. Their daughters (stay at home moms) come to visit them EVERY DAY while we are at work. I know they gossip about me (I have proof). They cook supper, most of the time only for their son and themselves, and leave behind a kitchen looking like it's never been cleaned. They occupy the living room, sofa and chairs, and remote control in their hand when we get home from work. We can ask for the remote but usually have to sit on the floor and watch tv. And I can go on for pages and pages

Here is why we can't say anything she is super sensitive. If my husband or I talk back even once, it upsets her. She cannot even get out of bed for days. She says her body starts to shake and becomes very dizzy but refuses to see the doctor and we start getting visitors (mostly daughter and their families) visiting to cheer her up. To look after guests after long day at work only adds to our stress. She has many life threatening conditions (diabetes, heart disease etc.) We don't want to feel responsible for the rest of life, if something serious were to happen to her. They are both retired but receive old age pension. We cannot ask them to leave, in her words it would mean killing her.

I just wanna be able to go home one day, and enjoy the house (we pay the mortgage), watch TV (we pay for the cable), relax on the sofa (we bought it)I don't know if I'll ever be able to do this.

What should I do? Hubby won't say anything to them, he is afraid of being alienated from the family, our kids love them as grandparent and will be shocking to them to have grandparents out of their life all of the sudden. The stress might be life threatening for her to deal with.

I would appreciate all the advise you can give.

Thanks!
friend replied. I would like to suggest the following :
a)Move the TV from the living room to your in laws bed room . They will spend more time there then .The living room and sofa will be free for you when you come home .
b)Buy a second TV and put in your bedroom so you can relax and watch in privacy .
c)Encourage your inlaws to spend complete weekends with their daughters .Leave them there on Friday nights and bring back on Monday evening . It will be good rest time for you and a change for them .

Hope this helps .
dil replied. I can imagine you ar going through a hell. Looks like both you and your husband are educated. Can you move out of India atleast for a few years? Your in-laws may come to visit you and stay with you for a few months but it would be better than what you are going through right now. And your SILs won't be there to interfere in ur life all the time. You can say that your husband has got an excellent opportunity overseas and would like to work there for a few years. Tell them you will miss them (even if u won't)and will be back in a few years. cdina replied. I strongly feel that one's parents are one's responsibilities.
The dil doesnt drag her husbands to take care of their parents..
One shouldnt be inhuman, but afterall its a afct of life that if you are unhappy, you cannot make others happy.
arrange with your husband to do the 'babysitting' for you..ask him to take them out on weekends etc..you relax in whatever little time you get..
if the daughters are so caring, ask them to take care occassionally, saying you are under a lot of pressure for a couple of weeks and so on..
ask for help. Dont be shy about it. usually people wont refuse a request for 'help'as it makes them look bad.
Hire \";help'! Makes life much more easier, even if you have to work a little more harder!
wot say? so more time, dont worry. all bad things pass..