Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi friends,

I am new to this group.I have a problem with my MIL and BIL.When i got married..They asked us to book hotel room for all of his relatives and they asked us to pay for train tickets..that too in a/c compartment.I wouldn't know that, that cld ask something like this..My parents and brother thought that his family is a nice family.Whtever they asked my parents did it in a greatway.After marriage i was in my inlaw's place for 1 month.Almost she and BIL made me cry everyday.They used to tell things abt my parents and brother in a wrong way...Atlast after 1 1/2 months struggling i came to USA.After coming here i told everything abt them to my husband.He didn't belived me at all.All those days he was threatening me that he would give me divorce.Just for my parents sake i kept quite.Last year when we went to India ...My MIL started again..When my huubby was around me she used to treat me nicely.When he goes somewhere...that's it i am gone there.I told him all but he said he cannot say anything against his mother.I stayed in my mom's house for 1 month and my mom came to my inlaw's place to drop me..No One talked with my mom and my mom felt very bad.I felt very very bad.Without any reasons infront of my eyes she insulted my mom.God only knows how i cried.

Now they are creating a problem again.I am pregnant now.My brother marriage got fixed in feb month.So i have plans to go to india next month.And my mom fixed Srimantham for me in feb.just 4 days before my brother's marriage is my srimantham.Now they are demanding again.We have to book hotel room,flight tickets for them to come to my place(they will be staying for 4 days ) and from there to attend my brother's marriage and there again hotel room booking and have to arrange transportation from hotel room to Marriage hall.Yday my hubby told me this.I got so disappointed.As if i felt like they are drinking my parents and brother blood.He said he cannot travel in train..we have to book him in flight then.Now i am so worried and getting angry and not at all happy.My friend advised me to not to worry as this will affect my baby.But i am not forgetting.I don;t know why god is keeping his eyes closed always.He always punishes good people.But bad people are doing good only.I really hate my MIL And BIL.They made my hubby like a doll.Whatever they say he will come and ask for it.I don't know y they take us for granted always.I hope god is there and he will punish them one day.Looking forward to it...Girls pl advise me on this.will this affect my baby?

thanks a lot for your replies vani replied. Yes, this insecurity makes it very difficult for us girls, but how do we make our husbands to understand our view point also even if they dont support it ?, Please write.My husband just says what ever his parents say, i try very hard to be normal and ignore it, but many times I feel very sad and really dont know where all this is headed to. dil replied. Looks like its the insecurity which makes us girls and our parents to dance to our ils tunes. We are so scared to raise our voice or not do as they say, because later they might badmouth/insult or give divorce. Seeing our weakness, ils try to blackmail us by making demands. Look, however you do and whatever you do, they are anyway going to insult. So whats the point in feeling apologetic or crying. Better practice to ignore them. vani replied. My in-laws have been making my life miserable, my husband is a puppet in their hands, I should not say a puppet because he knows what he doing and still listens to them. It is very difficult for us Indians to face this, I have raised my voice on some occasions but we can only tell people if they do things unknownigly, if people want to do it intentionally, I have come to a stage where I feel they is no point even telling anything, At the same time, be brave and strong and pray to God. I'm waiting for a day when God hears our prayers and punishes these people. Take care of yourself and try to spend more time with friends, it is not easy to take these things out of mind, but you need to relax and remember you have to be strong. reema replied. Hi,

I really understand your situation. Some hubby's and their parents think that the girl's family is a \";Santa Claus.\"; They have to continously supply these wretched people with goodies. Unfortunately, this is our Indian culture where boy's parents have a say in everything. I know that your parents would like your in-laws to come for your brother's wedding but not at this cost. If your in-laws think it is too much of an expense to go to your brother's wedding is it really necessary for them to attend the wedding? Your brother also has his own wedding to care of. Are your folks going to run after these fools to make them happy? I think this is kind of an extortion. If you don't put an end to this now, you will go through this all of your married life. I know it is very hard but ask your hubby to put himself in your shoes. Be firm and do not be afraid. If you let this go on, yes it may affect your health and you will be stressed out. Don't expect your parents to be treated nice by these fools because my parents were also treated coldly whenever they visited my in-laws. So my parents never liked to go there because they used to act as if they are superior. I personally requested my parents not to visit such people. Please take care and let us know what happened. Raj replied. I think some families are still in the old traditional ways harrassing the girls families. My sister is also married to one such useless guy. He has an unmarried sister and she lives off of my sisters money.
Anyways, you have to be tough with ppl like these..Like my BIL will never come to our house and expect that we go there If we need to meet and crap like that..I was like I hope his sister gets married to a guy like him then he and his family will realise. It's really sad there are such ppl in this world.
But then again, we can only try to change ourselves to be tougher. Be strong and things will be alright.
NEVER take any crap from anyone.
Take care and god bless you
My email is newyorkjerseyusa at yahoo dot com. niyathi replied. hi,
DONT WORRY even i have faced very similar situation like urs, I got married 5 months back, and since before our marriage itself, my would be i.e right now my husband started givin me instructions how my parents should treat his parents, as well as his relative, i.e to book hotel rooms for them, take care of their food etc, and it really hurts me a lot, and u know what when i told my parents, all this they said ok and later my parents tried to their best but still my dad was strong enough and he did what was within his limits , and now i m in US first 1 month when i was in my in-laws place it was like hell, they used to give complaints about my parents to my hubby and my hubby used to tell me and he used to ask me to tell my parents to change their behaviour, when my parents have not done anything wrong, they used to compalin and i like an idiot used to tell my parents, cos of which my parents were very sad, they felt that i was treated bad, and on the whole my parents were very scared about my future, but then after 1 month we came to US and later i realised that i need to be strong and not ask my parents to be puppets of my in-laws or my hubby, i will tell u one thing as long as we i.e wives are scared of hubby and in-laws we will make our parents as puppets in their hands, and our parents suffer a lot by this, and u know what
the other day my in-laws told that they would visit my parents place and my hubby asked me to call up my parents and tell them that they should treat them very well and cook good food which his parents like, so i asked him directly when my parents had been to my in-laws place what did u tell ur parents regarding treatmens, so he did not have a second word for it, i think u have to be strong dear,
dont be scared of arguments with ur hubby, to a certain limit we need to rasie ur voice or else i have seen what happens the first one month of my marriage was a good lesson to me, and one more thing i guess ur educated, i would suggest u one thing once ur kid is 1yr old plz get a job so that u r finacially independent and u will have courage to face anything in life, i m suffereing now even though i m very well qualified because of my visa i m not able to get a job even as a sales girl, and i m struggling sitting at home i want to be financially independent, keep this in mind plz get a job, and be strong, dont tell ur parents about booking ac rooms, ask them to book a normal room and dont bother about commute to hotel and else where just ask them to boook normal room thats more than enough. and dont bother about train ticket or plane ticket, tell ur hubby ur parents cannot afford , be strong, plzzzzzzzzzzzzz, ask ur hubby to book plane tickets, etc,
and take good care of ur growing child,
be strong and everything will change around u,
best of luck