Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hello all:
I have been in the U.S. for 7 years and am married and a proud mommy of a 5 month baby boy. I work long hours and my routine before my inlaws visited was to go home. Chill out on the couch for half hr and cook simple meals and just relax for the rest of the evening.
Weekends usually were spent doing chores or going out.
My in laws have come down to see their grandson and have been living with us for 2 months now.
My mother in law is constantly in the kitchen cooking something or the other. After I come back from work I am too tired to cook so don't help out.
On weekends I want to catch up on my sleep as my little one is not sleeping through the night yet but she is already up at 6:00 a.m. cooking.
I am too tired to keep up with the cooking and cleaning. I am made to feel guilty about not being a good wife/mother. Not through words but through action. E.g. my FIL will say - \";As long as we are here there is no way out son will go hungry.\"; or \";My daughter is a super cook and she is just good at everything she does\";. I am kinda sensitive and take these things to heart and that is my whole problem.
I look forward to days when they are gone so that I can just relax on the couch and watch a program that I like.
I am nursing and that wears me down a lot too.
I need advice on how the different women in US are dealing with their inlaws? Is there a set routine that you follow so that everyone is happy.

Please let me know as I dread going home sometimes as I find it so much peaceful at work!!
:| sangita replied. I can understand this situation as I have gone through it myself. My in-laws recently visited us. After our marriage, this was their second visit. I was working but I quit my job and was home for a few months. So before visiting us my mother-in-law told my husband \";Good, your wife has no job, she can cook for us.\"; I was really upset by this insensitive remark. When they came my husband told his Mom to cook as he likes her food. I told my husband that she need not cook for us as she is our visitor but my husband insisted that he wanted to eat the delicious food made by her. This made my mom-in-law very upset. During their stay they made very rude comments. Everytime I asked my m-i-l if she needed any help she would just make a face. She just wanted to show my husband that she was working in the kitchen all day and that I was lazying around. To add up to my misery she started comparing me with her daughter who is a superwoman in her eyes. Before leaving my father in law fought with me and said that I made his wife a cook and that I am a bad daughter in law. So, you see we daugher in laws go through such awkward situations. We are often compared to their daughters and are stupid in the in-laws' eyes. We are not very competent and they try to cause fights between the man and woman. I really don't know what pleasure they derive by being so wicked. So, dear friend whether you live in the US or else where in the world it is hard to please in-laws. There are no set rules to deal with in-laws. You may give them money or gifts but they will never be pleased. Just be yourself and be happy. SS replied. hi,
tell what you think to your husband and explain to him that if you are stressed then you can stop producing milk (it is 100% truth). Usually, husbands listen to you when you bring their children into this. try it may be he can talk to them.
good luck
ss Tired!! replied. Thanks gals!! It helps to know that others are going through similar situations. I will eventually learn to ignore I guess. Have to work on it!!
:) s replied. I go through a similar situation as yours. My mother-in-law is ALWAYS in the kitchen and I have to be there all the time. She wakes up early in the morning and expects me to do the same. She has the whole day for herself. She sleeps in the afternoon when I am at work and starts cooking around the time I return home. When I return home I just remove my shoes, wash my hands and start helping her. I am sick and tired of that.

My advice to you is ignore your in-laws comments. I know this will not be easy but do it. Don't do the mistake that I did. I feel if I had let her known right from the beginning that I can help her in cooking but cannot be in the kitchen all the time with her, today I would'nt waste my time and energy in cooking and helping her all the time. How much ever u help her in kitchen, she will never be satisfied.

If your husband is on ur side, ask hime to let your parents know that he is happy with simple meals and the way you cook. May be they will back off a bit if they know that he is not engouraging them. nancy replied. God knows how long your inlaws are with you. You are nursing your child, you need help and support during this phase. Keep a dumb hear to your inlaws. If money is not a prob, buy them some gifts on and off so that they are happy and not so hard at words. Buy them some entertainment too so that they too feel that they are enjoying life. Be serious with your baby and your husband. Keep yourself balanced and forget the rest.
Good wishes