Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi All,

Please tell me, is my decision right?

I am in US, studying and very happily married for 3 years. Last year, my IL visited us, and MIL really made OUR life miserable. She is very rude, arrogant, ill mannered and a very big LIAR. Everyday, she used to make up some stories and used to fight with me. My hubby is aware of her attitude, but when he used to support me or even try to patch up the issue, she used to fight with him too. My hubby is very supportive, but looking at worst scenario, he requested me not to argue with her.

My MIL thinks I m not a DIL but a maid for her. I had to cook two separate breakfasts, lunch and dinner for them everyday. I tried my level best to please her but couldn't. Many times she used really bad words for my parents and me and always insulted me. Because of workload at home, my curricular performance was adversely affected and with everyday mental torture we BOTH had undergone terrible depression. I don't think I will ever forget those 2 months of my life.

When MIL crossed her limits my hubby took a decision of sending them back to India. Though she was staying in our house, MIL had already stopped talking to me and now my FIL and MIL do not talk to me at all.

Now me n my hubby are planning to go to India for 3 weeks and I have decided NOT to visit my IL because my IL do not talk to me and my MIL is capable of spoiling our vacation. I feel if I am visiting my parents after 3 years for 15 days, I don't want MIL to spoil my trip.

When I told my decision to my hubby, he felt very bad. He knows very well that his parents are not going to talk with me or welcome me in their house. Rather they will fight with me again and will try to make my life more miserable and I don't want that to happen.

My hubby is really nice, supportive and he has very good relations with my parents too. I really thank God for my husband but still I don't want to go to my IL's place.

Please suggest me is my decision right? Is there any other solution? How should I convince my husband, I really do not want to hurt his feelings but still want to stick to my decision?

Neha. amrita replied. dear neha

a bit late in replying here!!! just joined as member of indiaparenting.
as a woman of this age myself,

i advice everyone : please do not put up with any unnaceptable behavior.
we dont have to take crap from anyone.
All inlaws expect their DILs to serve them, but one has to deserve before they can desire.
be good to people, but just avoid who u dont like, including relatives.
good decision. i back u up!!! Sabina replied. Hi Neha,

You are right in your decision. If you are not welcome in your in-laws home and if they are not not talking with you, what is the point in visiting them. I know your hubby would feel hurt but he is aware of the situation and the reason for your decision. You may just go to your in-laws home to please your husband but will you be treated well? Would you want to be treated like a doormat?

My in-laws do not speak to me and have stated they have no relationship with me. I know that I am never welcome in their home. I have talked about this to my hubby and he respects my decision that I do not have to do anything with them as they were cruel to me. I know the relationship is ruined but can I help it.

So, you are 100% right.