Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hai,

I am a South Indian, who was bought up in the Middle East. Got married just 10 months back in India, to a Gujurati, whos also working in the Middle East. We fell in love and everything seemed so nice and beautiful.We both even went through a lot of pain, before getting married .What more luck than marrying the person you love and cherish. But this turned topsy-turvy in less than a year. Today, I am crying over my own life, keeping silence .

Both me and my husband , have decent jobs and earn enough to sail life along without hassles. My parents also live in and around the same place we stay, but hadnt been keeping contacts with me (due to this marriage which they werent accepting), until very recently, when they came to know i was pregnant.My husband had been sending quite a lumpsome amount (almost 1/2 his salary) to his parents, from the time he joined work in the middle east, and after marriage too. I didnt have any objection to this, but i later discovered he had no bank balance or money to his disposal, either in india or here. He always had to depend on me, for small small things. And i was earning less than him. I always , wanted to save something, for each month, and wasnt able to, due to this raising issue. I talked to my husband regarding this and asked him to reduce the amount he was sending money each month,as his parents were both earning as well, and we had to take care about ourselves a little too. He was angry with my thinking and it all ended up in a very bad way.And he said he never expecting this sort of an argument from me. And this shut my mouth. I didnt know i said something offensive.Disciussions kept going on ever since.

Today, I am 8 months pregnant and we just moved to our new apartment, which is much costlier than the one we used to live in before. And hes planning to bring his parents to see or baby. I dont have the least idea how hes going to manage all these expenses. Now i am worried about my baby and his security. I know he has absolutely nothing in his account. I dont mind sharing all these expenses, but he seemed to have lost the ability to understand things. Today he says, my happiness lies in money, and he has hurt me profudsely with these words. He thinks i am in need of money for my bnefits. I dont know, if its that hes talking things in the wrong sense completely or hes acting this way to keep me silent.

Very recently, my parents too tried to associate with me, after knowing that i was pregnant, and they have been taking all my expenses, starting with very small things to my clothing for pregnancy as well...I feel guilty about all this. And my husband, just takes it, without feeling anything. As its our first child, as any other wife, i did have some expectations from my husband, but its all gone now...I feel hes nomore bothered about me and the baby.

Today i feel, i have been terribly cheated, dont know what to do n whom to talk to, cant even discuss this with my parents,as they all think i am leading a happy life now...Nor do i want to bring pain to anyone..I am damn tired now, physically and mentally..thinking over all this. At a time when you need to be happy to welcome the new life, i am shedding tears over my mistake...I sometimes feel like breaking loose of things and going away somewhere , away from everything.

Why doesnt my husband feel the same as i feel towards my baby? I really need help . Can someone talk to me regarding this? shelly replied. talk to your husband that you and the baby are his family and his responsibility. if you are earning off course it is to live a more comfortable life otherwise you would sit at home and take care of your baby. why would you go to work leaving a small baby with somebody else.. and if you are not getting the comfort why would you go and work.. tell him that you will always love and support you ILs but in your capacity .. you cant sacrifice your whole life and earnings for them.. not when they are not in so much of need.. i think he will understand.. just keep on telling him now and then that you love him a lot.. i think he will understand .. mine did to an extent. all the best Tara replied. You need to talk to your husband now and know whether he has any concern for you and the baby. I know that one has to support their parents but if your husband's parents are still working and are making money why does he need to send them money at this time. He has to compromise as he is a family man now not a single man anymore. Men do not understand this and try to push their wives into misery. Be firm with your hubby and tell him that you can't take up so much responsibility on your own. He has to shoulder responsibilities too. Good luck. amjad replied. look u have to talk to him about this as soon as possible tell him that he is a man u and your baby is his family now so tell your parents that not to hepl u help u but tell him that they r not helping u u need to teach him a lesson look i am a husband too my wife she replyed to u too and only 1 thing i can tell u is there is nobody thats going to help u on that matter so solve this on your own when he finds out that your parents r not helping u any more he will feel gulty so that when he is going to uderstand his resposibelity i he does have any felling take care of your baby and your self sanam replied. You are having a baby, you should be happy now and its your husband job keep you happy, instead he's making you feel bad. I think he is worth it, you shouldn't waste your life because of him. You deserve better than that. I think you should leave and move on with your life with your baby. Trust me this guy can't give anything but pain. Please excuse me for so harsh. People make mistakes, they learn from their mistake and try to make lives better. Good luck with eveything dont worry replied. first try talking to your hubby, if it does not work then dont continue, and one more thing try to take things as they come, since the mistake is already done by you dont repent more on it and waste ur precious time please. just neglect ur hubby after some time he will come back to normal, just act as if u dont need him as well as his help, i know its difficult but this is what i suggest u, please control urself, atleast if not a bank balance i m sure u can give ur child a good education, thats more than enough, more than wealth what a child needs is good education,and knowledge how to servie in difficult situation nothing else, bank balance comes secondary.

best of luck and be happy