Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I would like to put my situation infront of you and then want to you comment and advise me . I am a 23 year old single male currently living in a family comprising of my grandfather , father , mother , my elder brother (27) and his newly married wife (25). My brother doesn' t talks to me much but he is attached to the family and to me . In the last 6 months (since my brother got married) i have developed a great deal of emotional bonding with my Sister-in-law (SIL). Besides all this i was always brought up like a small kid by my family . All this has made me very emotinally attached to my family . I had to go out for 3 months in a different city recently to get coaching for Civil Services Exam. All this while i was staying away in the new city i was always thinking about my family and the only thing which gave me the strength of staying there was the hope that i will be returning back to my home after the 3 months . Now when i have cleared the 1st stage of the examination ( comprising of 2 main stages) and i am back at home preparing for the second stage , the thought that if i get selected to become an IAS then chances are that i will have to stay in a different state (due to the cadre system) for the rest of my life . My family cannot translocate to the new location where if selected i would be posted as they have business to look after over here. This is causing a great deal of emotional torture to me . But at the same time i get this thought that once i get married nad have kids then i would be living for them being more attached to them rather to my family and then i would regret not joining the civil services as in any case my wife and kids could certainly be with me when i am staying in a different state. Both the above thoughts have created a great deal of confusion for me and causing a hell lot of trouble in my life . Please help!!!
PS: If i stay back here i will have to manage the family business which could earn me a decent living but not that much and then i will have to set up my own business. tina replied. what should i do??? my MIL wans me to be a housewife where else i want to be a working women and ma husband is supporting me... i donno wat to do because i dont wan to hurt my mother in law..please help Mel replied. We all feel home sick when we are away from home. But sometimes we have to adjust. As a guy, you have the option of choosing. For women, after marriage, whether we like it or not, we have to move away from our parents. But, it' s not the end of the world.

Ask yourself what is your main goal. If you are happy to be in the family business, and live in a joint family, then stay back and live the dream. But if you are really interested in being an IAS officer, then be strong, and carry on. You can always visit your family on holidays. And those visits are a lot more fun !!

Cheer up. The decision is not a serious one. It' s one that is complicated because of love and family ties. So, it' s an emotionally tough decision, but everything will work out in the end. It' s all in your mind. All the best. And hope you are happy with whatever choice you make.