Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Name: me

I am from India and I would like to share my story about being Childfree by Choice.Just for a background , we stay away from my in laws and my parents in a separate city and we are financially in a comfortable zone.

In India the only reason you get married is to breed. The primary reason is to have an heir for your family name and going against such an orthodox society means (you) get shunned and looked down upon. But I and my husband now have been married for 5 loving years and we are so glad that we took the decision against all odds to remain Childfree. Honestly we did want a baby initially but when it didnt happen for a year , we went for a medical way. That procedure was horrible and made us feel pathetic. We decided to be childfree until it happens naturally.and if it doesnt happen naturally , we rather be happy the way we are. Adoption was never a option because we dont want kids badly. Its more of a social pressure from parents who want grandchild and from our friends and relatives.

In spite of the fact that we are in the so-called \" developed megacity of India\" you still get the \" stare\" and \" comments\" from most of the society around. At my work place, mommies share their agonies and I am the one having the last laugh, though I can not share it openly with anyone.
But I just want everyone to know the life I and my husband lead is a blessing. The intimacy we have after 5 years of marriage is not comparable to any couple married for that long.
\" They say, ' you don' t know what you' re missing, you won' t know until you' ve had a child that that' s what you wanted to do' . That' s a hypothetical question - if you' ve got no motivation to have a child in the first place, why would you do it? I wouldn' t chose to become a nurse on the chance I might love the career once I get there.\"

Often this pressure comes from friends who have had children - ' you don' t know what you' re missing' or ' you' d make a great mum' . Or joking that you hate children. Sometimes it' s from parents hoping for a grandchild.\"

Many people assume if you then you haven' t met the right man yet. But if you are in a relationship, they ask ' when are you taking the next step?' A woman' s fertility status is still very much considered public property.

I understand why parents might have difficulty wrapping their brains around intentional childlessness. It was strange, even to me. Here I was, a healthy, happily married woman, surrounded by parents and parents-to-be, yet I had never felt a pang of longing for a child. I enjoy spending time with kids and I understand the appeal of children, but I’ve never wanted one for myself.

But Im still confused how do my make my in laws and my parents understand that I want to be childfree?Its more difficult from my in laws side becuase my husband is the only child and they want a home hustling bustling with kids. Please advise how to make our parents understand this situation.

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