Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

We are married for last 8 yrs and we have a son also, we moved to west and started our small family with all the hardships in a new country never complained or relied on anybody. My wife' s father lost his job in India and even after 2 kids unmarried didnt try to find anything or move forward and my mother inlaw foreseeing the stubborn husband ask the daughter to help out and sponsor to newzealand, now once sponsored they arrive in usa at daughter' s place and the daughter has told during sponsorship that she is helping her mother out so that they can settle along with the inlaws and brother in law in newzealand who was still dependant than 22 yrs. they come to usa in daughther' s sasural (but the husbands parents were in india not in usa), so moving forward instead of finding some work and settling out on there own with father and son and support from daughter and her husband intially for 6 months they did few jobs here and there and said this are not jobs enought to move out, than they started giving excueses that they will move out once they are citizen (as already sponsored for 10 yrs letter with government for feeding and everything knowingly) they said this is not the country for us and we will go back after citizen, now after 5-6 yrs they are citizen, still not on there own and in between they even got the son married and now they added one more member to the family all living free on daughter' s account and husband is not allowed to say anything fearing the father of the daughter who is stubborn and will cause a divorce and he will lose his young son because if the husband says anything the daughter takes her parents side and says they are not a burden and she is working - i see no sign of reponsibilty from the father in law or brother in law to mind there own family, all they are doing is working on side collecting money and living free with no work inside the home the mother in law is helpful on day to day work and with the young son.....any ideas how to deal with parasite inlaws who dont even care that they are daughters sasusral and no intention to move out...everytime a new story to stay...my problem as a husband is cant tell the wife or her parents as they make a issue and i fear a divorce and loosing the son, than for father in law can leave happily rest of the life on daughters money, they dont want to sepearte and have there own home or go back to india to there own home also, son doesnt want to keep them. daughter saying if i move them out when your parents will come i will not stay with them either. jyoti replied. Sorry man but you are the most inarticulate person I have met. Your language is so unclear and I wonder how you expess yourself to your wife. Now if you dont want your inlaws and they are not contributing to your family you need to tell your wife. Your wife' s parents are old they can live with you, men' s parents have lived for free at boys house for generations so its no big deal. As far as your brotherinlaw is concerned kick him out and ask him to take care of himself never encourage any loser in your life..tell your wife he needs to learn responsibility. Other than that you need to come to a compromise I am sure your wife works or you wouldnt be so hung up on her as you need her money. So deal with it and be a man and come to a compromise.
Raj replied. thank you for suggesting, i have tried explaining on several occassion as to how much i need her and my son. the problem is the inlaws also know that i' m not going to take any drastic steps, so they are cashing on that several time, as soon as i say something they will come back and say it is our daughters place and she is earning too. the problem is she prefers her parents over mine (if they come here)and also they know that my parents wont come here, so they can have unlimited freebies..... secondly, legally i cannot say anything to them as we sponsored them for 10 yrs, never knew what was done in a good faith to anybody they will use as a weapon against you, although my liabilites are over for brother in law with 3 yrs only, but still he stays along with parents, and milking the situation, instead of taking responsbility and moving out along with his parents. Nimisha replied. U have to take a bold step... Speak to ur wife abt the issues bothering u....but u have to do all this in a subtle manner.... i am sure she wud understand... it is up to u to make her understand tht this will not work in the long run.. u have done far too much without complaining ever... Also tell her tht u love her and need her always... share ur thoughts... i think she will understand.... At all times u have to make it clear tht u need her.... else she might take it tht she is not needed anymore...

Wht u can do is.... support them (financially) while asking them to stay separately.... control the flow of finances to them and then slowly and steadily... u can cease providing them any further financial support..... else find out if u can get rid of them LEGALLY..... make sure ur son has nothing to suffer after all this.... its time u take control of things....

I wish i cud talk to ur wife and make her understand tht she is misusing all ur feelings and affection tht u hav for her..... u go ahead and u have my best wishes....