Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I hav been married since last 6 Months I use to stay with my inlaws in India initially and than shifted to singapore. I almost hav fight with my DH every day. Even during my engagement days also. I was working and persuing my studies inbetw i met my DH we got engage like arrange marriage.During his childhood my inlaws and my husband use to stay in town and struggle a lot. I respect my IL, DH and Bil for it. But i never hav ask him any thing y does this for my il or Bil. My Bil is married with kid ( Love Mar).But my Dh pays for whole exp of house.We all stay in joint family.During my engg days he use ask me all funny Qlike do you to wash vesssel. cook, wash clothes and toilet what if i bet u up?.Before we gor engage i told him i hav appear for exam after 6 months so can v postponed marriage.But IL said after marriage u go to ur parents for studies for 3 Months.
They stay in 1 bhk flat of BIL. They extra room in chali so my mom suggest instead of sleeping in kitchen u can use that room. So IL,DH, BIl and Sil were angry who is she to suggest? than i just tell she just adv nothing much but they develop hatred for her. After 1 month of mar when i told i want to go my mother' s place for studies they said if u go so what neigh vil tell and dh told how can sil do all work of house alone u should support her. So i used to go to my mom inbetw month for 10 days or so Since My sil was not working Iuse to do eve work and she in morn( Turns my inlaws use sit and watch TV).

Everyother day SIL and Il use to show faults in husehold work. Not only that they use to cry abt thier olden days when they live chali.My DH and BIL use to taunt me regarding my mom and my family( which is initialted my IL) but to support her they justify.Than we hav my husband and me than appologizes that he should hav not said it.Once I lose my control and said
\" I never hav ask u y u do this or that for ur parents or ur brother Even my mom and Dad struggle My dad was not earning much so my mom took tution To support my studies i hav don part job since 10th std . My sister also. Last my family had biggest lost of my sister but i never ask you to do anything for my family not even 2 words of sympathy. Y u always curse for 1Q my Mom. Not only that but u lied to me about Relocation to sing which u knew before eng and u inform later after marriage. plus u r not allowing me to study plus expecting I should earn , complete household chores and study\" Thereafter my DH applogizes.

But my DH is total mom' s boy my IL know it.Once i was wearing punjabi suit without bindi she told infornt of all\" Bintdi should weare its suhaag nishani\" .I said No. So my HD said \" y infront of all u insult my mom, if she says something its for ur gd in social circle\" he started crying. i just said \" i told him y r getting involve in ladies matter there many women inthat who don' t socialcirle bindi \" this is not just one incident there r many such Most imp was after me and my husband went to singapore for honeymoon + reloc of my husband i came back for exam i went to my mom' s placeafter staying with my inlaws for exam. during that period my IL and HD pur new house. When I came back to inlaw they didn' t told me they abt me they inform only after loan doc of husband came to my rescue.Than my il start pretending \" My poor child had to take so much loan because she is asking for her Room now he vil hav stay more abroad without us\" . So now it was firm my Hd was not coming to Ind for next 5 yrs and I can' t leave with my il alone for this long they treat me like maid make me go crazy.As every now and than my IL use to complain my husband on skype abt me like \" she doesn' t speak much\" , \" she does talk on phone too much\" , \" she cooks only punjabi fd and our traditional guj fd\" ,she wash such clothes and such vessel she doesn' t wear sari but punjabi etc than i m HD use to tell u shoul as Il says to please she elderly to you, not only that he cross q me on phone than shouted on me. Other day it was my Bil daughter birthday (Bil) HD said u can buy some gift for her i said i don' t hav money right now i m jobless I want to gift gold than he said u can ask Il i vil transfer to thier account.But HD had already transfer money to thier account for gift and they had bought.So as sson as I ask they said v shall gift to gether since its joint family.Later I came to know it was done intentionally to make fun of me so they gift gold and I some toy, just to show my Hd that i never support them and don' t want to spend for them.


So I had to be firm I ask him either we both live together or i stay with my mom as there no point in getting marry and not staying together.So he called me Singapore here also every other day my IL suggest something to HD on Skype if i don' t do as per thier wish HD fights with me.Ofternin fight he abused my parents for no reason and say bad word abt them.what can i do to stop it so i can peacefully do my work and atleast stop my HD from Q me y i do my way and not My il not using abuse language agsinst my family. by the now all r coming to singapore for trip in aug?


BIJAL DAFTARY replied. WHOSE IS THIS PERSON MY NAME FOR SUCH COMMENTS?I request you to not answer Question ? I request editor to remove name Immediately Neha replied. Hi,
One of my frn had a similar prob..she had a love marriage but her mom in law was very interfearing...and her hubby was a mama' s boy.He used to blindly believe whatever his mom said.Unfortunately they split up within an year of marriage now she is divorced and very happy...I wont suggest u to take such drastic step so soon..The good thing is tht ur alone with ur hubby in singapore..So u can connect with him and make him trust u...
Stop discussing abt both of ur parents.Go out together...plan trips..go to movies..cook his fav foods... try to bring romance between urselves.
At tht same time u must see to it tht he talks less with his parents...whenever he plans to go on skype..u suggest something better like going out or make him busy in some other work..u can even make tht internet down for few hours..just mess up the internet settings...but be very discreet.he shld never suspect u.
2ndly never criticise his parents in front of him...u must show tht ur a dutiful bahu but still his parents r not happy...
once u have ur hubby' s trust u' ll get his support..its very important to tame the hubby...half of the family probs can be easily solved once the hubby is in ur control..
wen ur inlaws are in singapore be sweet to them in front of ur hubby..he must never see u fighting or answering them back u can do tht wen he' s not at home..men usually believe what they see..if ur in laws complain about ur behaviour dont answer back.but talk to ur hubby wen u 2 are alone.just say tht I am trying my best to please them.
just try these tricks..U' ll have to become shrewd and manipulative to make ur marriage work.It' ll require lot of patience.I hope things get better for u.