Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi guys...So we' ve all heard and read about the privacy, freedom, and self discovery of living on your own, and the love, affection, and help that you get in a joint family.

I think irrespective of the pros and cons, it basically depends on the point that you reach in life where the balance of freedom Vs security starts to tilt and you' re no longer happy in a joint family. My parents are very loving, but also dominate and keep control of expenses that I and my younger brother contribute. I live 35 kms from my workplace, and spend more time travelling than with my family. How can I convince my parents that I need to move out? Here are my challenges -

- My dad is very possessive and would hate to lose not just a loving son, but one that contributes a good amount to household expenses (I contribute more than twice as much as my brother).

- What will he say to relatives when they ask (I can give him plenty of logics, but he won' t let himself be convinced)

I want to move closer to my place of work, and I' m going to build my story around it. I' m going to ask that we all move, but stay in 2 separate flats so we can be together as well as separate. But this ' separate' word is hard for him to digest...any ideas around how I can convince him???? This really is something I want more than anything else, but without hurting my parent' s feelings or ruining my relation with them....Help! A replied. Its true GAgs , that just like our parents get used to our heafty pay packet they also get used to dominating us in the way we expense them. Just imagine what will be the plight once ur spouse is also with u & ur parents!
Breaking a family hurts, but u need to take the step early if u feel this dominance is goin to continue even if u r not a reckless spender! They some how feel that its a parents work to apportion the income of their wedded/unwed sons especially. Try to come late nights, explain driving risks (even with a driver) and late sittings after that like working from home etc...and that u need to stay near office.
Also carefully analyse how it will be if u stay near ur work place but in nearby flats. Will u actually be able to still avoid his influence! Not to say that u should leave ur aging parents to fend for themselves at old age. I am only asking of u to think of all options atleast 2-3 steps ahead. I live in joint family and to come out of one situation i have had to sactifice yet another option without thinking ahead! Also in india we tend to make our parents dependent on us sooner, even though they can do their survival basics alone!
Be firm but not rude. Show him some other colleagues who do likewise.