Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi u all,
I have been married for 2 plus years with a 3months old baby.We stay abroad and with my delivery recently, my mil came along to take care of the baby. My fil is also working here though not staying with us(he has a bachelor status in his company and stays in the camp itself). Im a working woman and earn as much as my spouse does. let me tell u that this family is very money minded and big time misers.Me and my Mil has totally different tastes with respect to everything. I come from a family with everyone having good educational background. My mil is not educated. Before marriage also people had told this woman is sick but I was in the hope that I wont have to stay with her.No one says good about her. I knew it from the beginning that I will find difficulty getting along with her. I had tried my level best to be good with her. Im still being very polite talking to her only thing is that we don’t talk much. She complains to my husband about me. Ihad told my hus before that we will get a maid once the baby is born. He said no since mom is coming. I was sure that there are gonna be problems.but my hus would never understand this.Now we r here and we asked her again to get a cook at least,for which she says no.now she doesn’t like and makes faces If at all she finds me and him talking together or she will call him to her room.i the night also he comes to the bedroom only after me sleeping There are instances where she didn’t even speak for three days to him as well. He is understanding but he is scared of her.hus tells me mommy is alone at home, that’s why he spends time with her in the evening. I dodnt even get to see my hus these days. Most of the time they both will be together taling in low tones or watching movies and I will be busy with my baby. She cooks food for us and im glad that she keeps juice for me in the afternoon when I go home on break. That’s the only nice thing about her. I go home during lunch(I leave home at 7 and comes back by 5:30) for an hour and in that time I give bath to the baby, have food and come back. My hus says mommy will be tired in the evening, u also help her in the kitchen. What do they expect me to I have to go to office, come back in the afternoon, look after the baby plus they expect me to cook as well.as of now my husband helps mil inkitchen, washing vessels etc. he is a real mammas boy. He tries to satisfy his parents in all ways.we have kept mils name for the baby( her baptismal name andalso in her official name as middle name) all the more when I asked him to suggest one name to call her at home he says his mothers name. I said no I cant keep.at times I have ot wait until 10 to have dinner (ie when baby sleeps) and others will eb busy watching movies. Im sure its his parents who told him to keep her name. as a mother also I have no rights here.whateer decisions have beenmade its through them only. They have to approve. I feel my husband has no backbone.im sure by the time my mil leaves at the end of her 6 months visa, we will be separated..they need my money that’s why she is here to save that money which otherwise go for the maid.now I have to see her face also plus office work. Kindly advice what should I do…please I feel so helpless. he has his parents and relatives here and I have none

advisor replied. dear i pretty but still atleast evening u try to cook u should boss on your own kitchen if u want something u should workhard ( if u want ur husband sympathy) try it once) atleast evening 30mins it takes for cooking pls try bcoz once ur hb habitutes to ur mother then he may lose intrest on u try........it or else hire a maid but dont allow ur mil to cook, if once they get ownership on kitchen they will show it on everything, i also faced the same problem but i started for gaining my hb sympathy now i got try it atleast evening timings and ask ur mil to relax as u r tried try to play tricks ...............bye advisor replied. i understand ur problem as we are sailing on the same boat. But i can suggest few points for u what is right and what is wrong.
1. Baby name ( no one have the rights except the baby parents ) you firmly tell them no. 2. Helping mother in law in kitchen - Yes you have to help her in kitchen, if possible try to cook yourself only not giving any opportunity to your mil, bcoz in the eyes of ur hus feels as she is tired and she is also getting some sympathy so why not u cook bcoz i also faced the same problem but now i turned myself and i morning wake up early and cook for my hb me and my son and go to office and again come back and cook for my hb. It may be hard but gives so much self satisfaction also. cooking a food in a kitchen is not a work it is a responsibility, so try it out and be smart. 3. If ur husband fears for your mil then u change ur behaviour u try to maintain some distance with your husband and mil and behave that u r not bothered about them and do your duty of taking care of your baby within a veyr short period ur husband will turn to u, u can notice it. or else engage ur husband in somework. 4. Your husband and mil relatives are surrounded i feel then u should be very cautious, try to call to your parents and your relatives maintian a good relationship with them and see that ur hb and mil knows that you also have some strength and also talk very less to ur hb relatives and dont make them to include in any of your family decisions. all the best.