Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

My life worries started from the day when my husband came to see for getting married. He lied in every aspect ( He wont drink, No dowry etc ) and attracted me for marriage. Then my parents announced everybody about marriage then they inlaws along with their relatives fighted for dowry and then my father atleast got loan and got married from the day one i got married started troubels ( My inlaws started dominating in every aspect) my husband having a lot of ego problem and psyco purposely told something bad about me after returning from the holy place and called my parents to speak, i started to compromise from that day and even today he fears to sit along with me. meanwhile my husband' s brother got a north indian lady married without informing to their parents ( My inlaws only did the marriage) that girl came from N.India to ourplace to marry him without informing and got married my life become more horrible, my husband used to give more preference to her and her cooks, my inlaws started criticising me in everyaspect by comparing her. By god grace i have a kid. After my kid taken birth my husband changed but still my inlaws not about to tolerate that creating many issues and allmy inlaw relatives are surrounded and strengthened. Main problem is my husband priortise and says that first my father, mother, brother then only you and even criticise and show difference before his cousine sisters, co sisters, Mother in law. To deviate from the issues i started working and pursuing P.G course and stopped talking to my inlaws but still they create so many problems due to egoism and they dont allow my parents or any relatives to come to our house. If they call means they call only for fighting. Really i feel to die but my kid' s view stops me from everything. The money i earn i will spend it for his saving ( No savings from my husband side eventhough he earns much). ILS and my husband wont treat me as one member and i also lost intrest on their family members and relatives and stopped going to their relatives houses. I feel sometimes that i can comeout from my husband and leave independently but my parents not in a position to support and only one thing i can say is they will see my son properly while i go for office, but still i want to decide whether i should work or sit at home. Pls suggest. But one thing is sure i dont have any value in that home. I fear about my son what he will think about me if he grown up. Pls suggest shashi replied. hi, very similar to my story. i can completrely understand what u r going thru.i was married 10 yrs back and moved abroad. i was completely isolated there and life just kept ghetting tougher. my husband became progressively abusive and violent. i had a daughter in the first year of marriage but things didnt change. somehow i was always at fault and there was always a reason for my husband to beat me. i put up with it all thinking the kids needed a complete family and hoping that someday life will get ok. but 2 yrs back i almost got killed after my husband beat me brutally and threw me on the road at midnight in a foreign country with 2 small kids. i managed to come back 2 india and am fighting a domestic violence case. life is not easy even now. but i am alive and i am happy. my kids are happier and well adjusted. life is a struggle but we should make sure that we struggle for what really matters. end of the day, its your life and your decision and your responsibility. best of luck. vishal replied. hello sori no is nine five six one nine six six six zero eight k vishal replied. hello,
I had my relative suffer 4 tat c how long ur weak 2 words them or afraid of them u will never get out of problems. U have 2 b daring a bit n i can promise all will go well n tell me ur age alos u can call me on nine five six one nine six six zero eight A replied. sadwika, i also were working part time and lost any small control of my home. Now i decided to stay home. My IL' s go out dumping all work on me and giving orders to servants to finish all their related work. Even after servants go i end up cleaning and doing my rooms or kids rooms. Being at home i dont have control like the way they do it remotely. My kids also know who is more influential and for cleaning etc they come to me while for suggestions etc they go to my in laws. Like u said it hurts to see our kids thinking lowly of us . So i am thinking if our Dh give us more support their parents wud be hurt likewise and so our Dh dont get to support us as much as they might want to perhaps. May be if we keep doing correct from our side always our kids will see our sacrfice. sadwika replied. Dear all Dil' s god is there with us, becoz in my aspect you can see the story of mine. Few days before my hb had a severe pain in the stomache i myself taken on bike to the hospital and shown him and i working in hospital all my collegues helped me alot. and then he underwent so many tests which was very painfull ( During the time i helped him in all the possible extent) noone of their parents side was there during that time and the doctor was also suspected it may be cancer then i was totally upset and prayed for the god seriously and coordinated with all the doctors and did all the help possible to my extent and my parents and my brother also helped him alot and now my dh is calling to my brother and parents for every help ( who previously insult in every aspect) My inlaws are totally jealous of this and they are least bothered about his health and only outerly acting. Atlast the reports all came negative and i was the lucky person in the world for the same and he is having a small surgery to be done. What i want to conclude is be patient one day will come for us and the god will be there for us who is seeing all the things and do the justice when the time comes. Now my hb attitudes changed but my inlaws are still the same stupids, atleast i thank god that my hb knowed my value and importance of wife during the pain. ..........Thanks to god .. all dil' s be patient till the time comes and see how god help us and makes our dh understand the importance of ours. kala replied. Hi,

Please dont walk out of the problems..your parents are not permanent..infact, nobody is, in a manner of speaking..they may support you in every way..but, staying away from your husband brings a lot of problems/sufferings considering the kind of society we are in..

Now, try to focus more time with your husband and kid..Put your son in a day care/creche..and for the time he is not in the house, you can take up some job..be at home when he returns..spend your time with the baby...ignore all else. try to cook all that your husband likes..and most importantly, dont complain abt ur MIL/SIL etc to him for some days..Mind your business with your baby and husband and your job. keep your mind clean..your behaviour and attitude will transcend to the baby..take your child to the park/temples etc in the evenings. spend more time outside..

Hope this helps..Take care..All the best.

Cheers. sadwika replied. Dear Mr.Vikram thanks for your reply, being man u understand and replied to my msg. Daily i am seeing this forum waiting for message, ur suggestion is really encouraging. from morning to evening i am strugling hard for my son i hope that good days will come and god should give me strength to bear this torture and one day i should get good days where everyone should feel that i am correct. Your suggestion & reply is really helped me for becoming confident. Thank u very much . If possible give me more detailed solutions which will help me in facing the problems. Bye - Sadwika vikram replied. Hi yar. I had seen my aunty suffer like this. She had a tough time with her inlaws. Your hubby is like a kid. No one can be as close as a wife. In bible after marriage a man shall leave his parents and live with her wife and they shall be one flesh. Truely no one can love your husband better than you. Do not take this decision of going out of this family. When you go out you will have problems of different kind. When you have a problem face it for your son. Your husband cant understand true love. You need a company for life. How can a person be so childish? When a person lets his wife down before others is he not letting himself down before them? Be patient. If you walk out you wont walk in road of roses.