Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,
I am in a very bad position. I live in USA. I do work and earn, but all my money goes to my hubby's account. I do not have the freedom to spend my own money. I have two children and I take care of every thing in the house .My inlaws visited last year and stayed with us for 5 months. I did everything that I could for them. I was pregnant with my second child at the time. I put up with all the verbal abuse and served them until they were gone. But, when my baby was due, my husband did not agree to invite my parents to US. I was on my own when I was pregnant with my first kid too. I always have to beg him for my own money. I wanted to send some money to my parents for my sister's marriage and my husband did not talk to me for a week. I always tell my parents that I am very happy with my family here. My husband thinks that I should not spend even a dollar towards my family. He spends a lot on his parents. Is there any one who is going through the same ? What can I do to solve my prolem ? Subha Sreekant replied. hi tanya,
i am also living in the us. i want to know if you have created your own identity in the us. ie u should be the primary account holder of your bank account etc. Ask any local woman at your work and create such one. I have heard horror stories about men cheating(i mean financially) even after 20 years of marriage. Beware. go to narika or other support groups for south-asian women in your local area.
i feel for you.
god bless,
subha sonia replied. Hi Tanya,

If you are working hard for your money, you should go ahead and spend it. If you were dependent on your hubby, then you would have been treated even worse. Do not be afraid. Just stand for your rights. Why should you take this kind of crap? Men think that they can suppress their wives. Be bold and tell your husband that if you cannot spend the money you are earning then there is no point working. Just threaten to quit your job. I am sure that will help when he realizes that the financial burden will be on him only. Monu replied. Hi Tanya,
I felt really bad after hearing what happened to you. Be strong. Open a bank account in your name so that you can be independent financially.

Good Luck !! Hey replied. Tanya, you need to get a hold of your husband. What the heck is going on? Verbal abuse deserves a slap in the face! I don't care who the person is. Why did you take abuse from the in laws when you were pregnant. Honestly, in laws should be lodged at the zoo. Even animals are more therapeutic than humans. This has been my experience. Let me say...anyone including my siblings if they go off on wife...I will go off on them. A woman (girlfriend or wife) is the center of my universe. Thank God, my future wife will not be dealing with my parents. My father (sperm donor) mother deceased. The only thing left...my siblings. We are civil. But it amazes me...how my damn' sil controls my brother. Yeah to bachelorhood!! dip replied. common tanya, seems like your husband doesnt like women to be independant eh? sit down one day and think abt what is acceptable to you and waht is not. you have to be firm in your beliefs and and then stand up to it all the time, every time.

you are in the states and probably in a much better society than rural india. take advantage of the situation.

lastly try to see what is fair. maybe sometimes women see a problem bigger than it actually is. thats the way god made us.

common you re not living in hell, you are expecting a bundle of joy. dont let your mind wander towards bad thoughts.

i hope you do well.