Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

If u remember my mil is working and i am homemaker with my fil and kids.I ,my DH and kids were abroad when we had to leave everything and come back due to my fil´ s illness.I left my job abroad and came here and stayed for almost a year first,then my DH joined us after a year. Its our house here in india but inlaws started living in it first once the house was ready few yrs back. This time once i came back to india due to my fil´ s illness my mil started working after my fil recuperated little. I was left alone with a big house, ailing fil and two small kids to look after without my DH. Very demanding fil and dominating mil and lots and lots of interference from small matters to big.
After joining work my mil will keep bragging about her skills, her work, her job,her salary and not to mention cooking, her long hair,her planning and much more. I admire her virtues but i am unable to be good like her in all this. But i dont interfere , i allow them to plan and spend their time and money as they wish without being a snob.
So far i led an independent life abroad and managed home and work and kids and active social life abroad. But now i feel i hardly know anything whether related to cooking, gardening,pooja or finance or even dressing up or managing house. Ifelt if i will work my mind will not think of home probs.
So I have tried my small steps in doing somehting for a career and have passed my courses and out with my small job profile for 3- 4 hours a day. I enjoy my work but now get tired in keeping up with all the housework.(they had a full time servant and led lives like kings in this big house .Now there is no full time maid, only one servant comes morning 2 hrs .Feel like leaving te house but no with heavy admission fees for kids , and my small work i cant uproot from india or anywhere within india also. have forgotten to be happy and i feel even after my husband has returned after a year i continue to remain sad as i am such a poor work manager.
I had an intercaste marriage in India. I have lived a short time with my in laws in india before going abroad .So this is the real time i am spenidng with them, learning their lifestyles and learnign to adjust.They give love and take care of all like kids. But u want to have ur own space and not be treated like kid.
They also have earnings of some kind or other including salary, pension, intrests and savings,rent etc...But still they live clearly beyond their means. They at will w/d money from my DH´ s personal account money and use it and very convincingly explain their needs.

At home even after my DH comes i am so gloomy since i am not able to have my say here at all due to her dominating nature and fil´ s ever demanding needs and dependency.
Not in a position to leave the house, since my DH´ s dream house this is since many years and cant leave the house in in laws hands with their hi class lifestyle wasting money on them if they r alone here.
Due to society fear, cant break away from them either.
Its hard for me to disobey them or completely become submissive to them. But cant live a passive life and spend time brooding over daily issues in life.
From servants to family gatherings, their costly vaccations my mil has her say nd we finance them nd a total control freak .No inhibitions and over zest , they influence nd interfere in our lives so much , it makes daily life difficult.


sss replied. Hi.....
how is things going at your end?hope you have overcome the depression that was seen in your last post to some extent...
take care,
sss sss replied. Dear Anju,
yes i remember you thanks to your detailed posts.and your dilemma is something i can connect with.yes,living with inlaws is tough,especially in this modern times.its not because of their or your fault.they want to live their life their way and you want in your own way.for those who matter to us most(say hubby and kids) we will do anything and everything happily and wholeheartedly.the same cannot be applied to anyone else even if they are your own parents.so its all the more difficult with inlaws.
so,what to do now?you cannot runaway from them.so only thing you can do is not to compromise on your happiness.if you need a full time maid,search for one.no need to wait for inlaws to appoint one.you wont be seen as arrogant by doing this.say them that its very difficult for you now as you have a job and whatever time you have at home should be spent on your kids.so it would be a big help to have a fulltime maid.and regarding finances,if they have good earnings,it shoudnt matter you a lot.and your hubby wont be spending a lot on them and most probably its your discontent that is making you think like this.
dont consider yourself inferior to your MIL.you are not.with small kids its not easy to multitask.she has no such concerns and so her mind is more free,thats all.but dont you think this is the best time of your life?do you think that its your mil who is having the best time of her life???
so be happy about yourself....cheers..