Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Help! I am stuck in rut: what are my options? Living in canada, married 11 years with 2 children.
His parents live with us. They don’t even like me. They keep saying nasty things about me. They do not help out at home at all. We have a babysitter for the children. We have no privacy at home.
I work full time and hate coming home every evening.

I have no family to speak of . My mother died 2 years back( Dad before) and I feel really lonely. I do not want a divorce because it will have a negative effect on my children. He’s a good father.
I earn enough money . We have a pretty good life otherwise But I am miserable and confused.
My husband says I am overreacting?
raju replied. I am stuck in a bad marriage.Wanna live life & stop dying daily.
Can we be of help to each other.I dont have a family either thatt why my wife has been doing torture as she knows I have no one around me.If you can give me ur email id we canhave detailed discussionabout how w can be of help to each other.trainindocs at the rate rediff sour replied. Dear friends,
Thank you so much for your advice and concern. I have been coping with this for 11 years. Its getting worse all the time. It would be more tolerable if my husband was able to speak up. But I think form hearing other peoples stories that this is a common trait of husbands.
I have tried to convince him of the importance of having time alone with each other. But if we leave the kids at home and go for a movie the in laws will complain.

Frankly I see no benefit in spending the rest of my life like this. My only concern is what it will do to my kids.
Mel replied. I know what you mean. There are so many women who continue to live in unhealthy environments only because they love their husbands, or are worried about disrupting their children' s lives.

Well, I have a piece of advice for you. You only live ONCE. And if this is our ONLY chance, then we may as well live well. I don' t mean we have to forget everyone and everything around us and be selfish, but I DO mean that we can make some structured changes so that the quality of life is better.

MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF FIRST. Care a damn what ANYONE thinks. Make sure that once a fortnight you get some rest. Whether it means ordering out, and going to the spa or simply taking a long bath and resting... just have some ME time.

SECOND: Make some FAMILY time. (Nuclear Family). Once in two weeks, go out with your husband. Let the kids be home with the grandparents. Go for a movie, dinner, a long drive, whatever. And once in two weeks, go out as a family, just you, your husband and the kids. Do something fun, bowling, skiing, anything.

Better still, once a year, go on a vacation just by yourselves.

By doing this, you will slowly develop the habit of spending time at least once a week away from your ILs. It will improve and enhance the relations between you and your hubby and the kids.

Don' t feel lonely. Remember you have 2 kids and a hubby who loves you. Focus on that, and forget the ILs. mana k. replied. dear friend,
it seems that u r financially well and ur problem seems to inlaws who are cold towards u. now that u r stuck up with them why not make some changes that will give u more privacy? at least u will feel calm when coming back to home after work. try getting bigger appartment preferabaly where rooms are at different floors. either them or u can have ur bedroom on the top floor.so that there is less direct contact.