Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Name: Madhu

Hi all,

I live with my husband and MIL... I have had a baby after 9 years of trying and now she' s 10 months old..

My problem is this.. My MIL was the happiest when I conceived. Once the baby came she started to fuss so much, it drove me up the wall! Evrytime my baby cried, it was my fault, everytime she hurt herself, I was to blame, cos I didn' t take good enough care of her. If I didn' t take some advice of hers regarding the baby' s diet, just becuase my doc had offered me some other advice, she would sulk for days and send us on a guilt trip..
I guess we are partially to blame too, you see, my MIL has a neurological problem bcos of which she' s unable to walk very well and also her speech is somewhat slurred. I have taken good care of her all these years and add to this fact that we didnt have a baby for long, my MIL became the centre of attention in the house. Her comforts were all we bothered about.. and now the whole thing is backfiring on us. And we end up feeling guilty if we say anything to her because of her handicap!
Since the baby has come, she' s become intolerable.. She acts as though she' s the only one concerned about the baby' s well-being. Also, my baby is very attached to her and wants to go to her all the time. I feel jealous and depressed...I' m the one who went thru all th pain, emotional upheavals to have this precious baby and yet she seems to prefer her grandmother to her mother! Also, I' m very afraid that my bay will turn into a spoilt brat because my MIL indulges her every whim. Its OK now as she' s only 10 months old, but as she grows older, its bound to become a problem.. If we try telling my MIL that, she goes off into one of her moods, self-pitying and saying things like.. I' ll go off and live on my own etc etc... and we go on our guilt trip once again!!
Incidentally I have a BIL who lives in th US, he has 2 kids and oflate I' ve begun to feel a lot of resentment towards him.. He' s never taken responsibility for my MIL, though he did help us out monetarily.. but I sometimes feel that we' ve sacrificed so much in our married life for my MIL, we could never go out on holidays and do other things that normal couples do, while he my BIL never had to sacrifice a thing!

Anyway, I seem to have poured out a lot more than I intended.. Do help..PL any suggestions on how to tackle my MIL?

Subscribe to this conversation Reply Anonymously