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Role of in-laws:Argument with friend abt hubby, in-laws v stressed
2008-10-23
Name: Sabz M



I had an argument with someone today about my marriage, in-laws and hubby.
I have been married for 7 yrs now and have a very loving and understanding husband. My Mil tried to create lots of problems for me but did not succeed and has not become much better than how she was earlier. I went thru severe stress, hairloss and psychiatric treatment in the first 2/3 yrs of my marriage as I was unable to deal with her comments and taunts.

My Hubby has an older bro who also lives in US and is married.
Now my situation is such that:
My husband and I visit them every year and spend an entire month with them.
I am extremely nice and sweet to them. My husband calls them regularly over the phone and sends money to them for occasions and festivals and sometimes just like that.
When we go to India we get them gifts, from here and also from India and when they came here last year, we showed them a very good time, bought them everything they liked etc. So my husband is being a good son to his parents. In fact my SIL does not visit India as often as I have.

My only reasoning with hubby has been that I will not live with them permanently and he being an understanding person knows that many DILS do not want to live with their in-laws. He even points out that his own MIL did not stay with her MIL. He has promised me 2 things:
I will never live with them permanently.
When they visit us they will not stay here for more than a month.

As for the one month thing, we live in a one bedroom, and the last time they visited they stayed for 3 weeks, though longer at BIL' s place as he has a bigger house. Hubby assured me that even if we have a big home they wont stay long with me. I am sure he wouldnt mind if they stayed longer but he understands what I go thru by just being around them and has made a promise to me. He has taken his mom' s swear, my swear, everything to convince me abt the above two promises.
Oct 23 (13 hours ago) delete
Anonymous
Now my friend here, when I told her this, said to me that initially in the first few yrs of marriage, many husbands make promises to please their wives, promises that they did not have their heart into and end up feeling guilty later when they are at the bargaining end. She said, it wont take time before the tables are turned against me and that its very very easy for in-laws to manipulate their sons and make them feel guilty and get them on their side.

She said she is warning me not to take his words seriously, or trust him too much.

The problem is my husband is the only one in my family that I can trust. I have seen the dark side of everyone else in his family. Now I am completely anxious about this sutuation and feel like questioning him. I want to cry as I have placed a lot of trust in him and do not feel what I have asked for is like asking for too much. Hes the younger son, has an older bro who equally takes care of parents.

Is my friend right, what do you think? Is she plain jealous to know how understanding and supportive my husband is?
What is the truth, please tell me.Such guys really dont exist if they are from India?
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2008-10-24
#1
Anonymous Name: sabz
Subject:  ignore this message, plz dont reply



please nobody reply to my message as my hubby is going thru this board. Just ignore it. I dont know how to delete it.
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