Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hai,

i think that u would hav gone through my previous posting\" Inlaws\" . In that I have mentioned that my hus is a very understanding fellow. Well, all of sudden he seems to me a different person.
as i told u , my ILS are coming here in next month. i was very doubtful that they will not come leaving my BIL alone there. so i asked my hus to rqst them to come atleast for 2 weeks, since it is very urgent for my mother to go to native. later when i asked him whether he had informed them, he said \" yes and they agreed\" . Then I asked for how long they will be here. He told they didn' t say anything regarding that, but he had asked to stay for 1-1.5 months. last saturday he booked the tickets for them to come and for my parents to return(both for the same day).it was through online reservation. so y' day the tickets came by courier. Since there are 2 covers, my mother opened to see which is their tickets. then she saw that my hus had booked a ticket for my BIL als. but he didnt mention anything abt this. so when i returned from office my mom asked me y didn' t u tell me he also is coming. then i said i too dont know that.
i asked my hus the same question and at first he said that he had informed me already. then i said \" no u didn' t\" firmly he said he thought that he had told me. he is looking for a job here and that y he is coming.
I wont say anything if I knew that bil too is coming. but it seems that my hus concealed it from me. if my mom didn' t have opened that covers i will know abt it only on the day when they arrives here.
really it is shock to me. the man , who i always thought my world, my love, my everything ... it seems to me that he cheated me and he is a good actor too.. making double standard.
i did not spoke to him today morng. so before leaving to office he came to me i said straightly that i didn' t expect it from him and i cant love him anymore as before.
truly i cant consider him as before.... i could not sleep a little y' day night. y did he do like this. even if he go for another woman, it wont be hurting more than this. it seems that i am nothing to him.he wants to be a nice son in front of his parents.
i was thinking the whole night regarding what to do now. frankly i dont want my DD to be looked after by MIl, especially now. at first i thought abt day care centre near to my office. but then my DD also have to travel almost 1-1.45 hrs in a crowded local train. wont it be a cruel thing to do her.
i also thought abt resigning my job so that i dont need anybody' s help to take care of my DD. but then i will be forced to depend upon my hus financially. i dont want it any more. another option is doing any work from home like data entry. i even searched in the net and found one \" Zenith infomedia\" . but i dont know whether it is a fake one or not.
Usually when i have a quarrel with my hus i used to say that i dont want dinner. but y' day my hus was doing something in the computer and i asked him to come for dinner. he said \" i dont want\" . earlier i too used to say\" then i too dont want\" . but y' day i ate without any hesitation. why should i starve for a person who doesnt have any consideration for me.(5 mts after he also joined for the dinner).
seeing me upset when i came to office today, my mom is really worried. she fears that i will do anything(as i have tried to commit suicide once before). i promised her i wont do that. but when i was coming by train for 1-2 seconds i even thought abt jumping frm the train.
i dont know what to do.. it seems that i have been left out alone by everybody....
Mel replied. How can you think about committing suicude ? You don' t have the right to do that if you have a child. People crave for children and don' t get them, and you have been blessed with one. If you do that, it will create trauma and so much of heart ache to your little girl.
I understand what you said about your husband. I would have felt betrayed too. Sometimes, mmy husband does similar things, and when I speak to him about it, he says he was worried that it would upset me. Remember one thing, when there is tension between MIL and DIL, the one who suffers the most is the husband. They love the parents who gave birth to them, and they love their wife - they CANNOT take sides. They may understand our worries and concerns, but what can they do? If they scream at their family, then their parents make them feel as if they have done some unforgivable sin. So, they try to do their duty. His mother must have informed him that his brother is also coming. What could he have said ? Don' t come ? So, he accepted and was afraid to tell you. The best option is that you reduce the pressure on your husband. Sit and talk to him and tell him that you understand why he did it, but that he should have trusted you with the truth and that you feel betrayed by his hiding the truth from you.
Put your child in daycare or do some work from home. But don' t be dependent on your ILs. I have done that, and my life is SO much better. sss replied. hi dear,
see,atleast you are helped by your inlaws to look after your DD.dont you think you owe to them for that?and when they help you,you are also responsible for their happiness.if they want the other son to come with them,you should be able to accept that.i understand that you are angry because your hubby didnt tell you this earlier.but may be he had fears in his mind that you might create fights and he didnt want them atleast infront of your parents.do you know,my hubby' s brother stay with us for the past 3 yrs almost.he too came for job,and now even after his marriage,he didnt separate.my hubby still support him like anything.my inlaws are staying away and my son is looked after by maids.do you think that is better?
life is difficult.i started realising the same.but dont think of suicide.all the best. Namita replied. i dnt understnd y r u looking for day care near ur office .. y cnt u find out something wher u stay ... again u called ur IL' s .. i dnt undrstnd ...

y r u doubting ur husband? if he was supportive n lovable with u all this days then so this single thing dont b so cruel ... ofcourse expressing ur feelings abt how bad u felt for wht he have done is right bt dnt stop talking or talking rude with him ... this vl help ur IL' s when they come at ur place .. so b4 they come built up ur relation again n ofcourse tell him tht u were hurt by his behaviour n expect him to be loyal as u r too supportive
n love him

dnt create unnecesary tension in ur relation ... later on it will be harmful for u

y r u thinking so much abt IL' s, bil? u knew they vl come ... good tht it is just the matter of 1 1/2 month ... so relax ... dnt get hyper ... i think u r getting tense bcoz ur IL' s are coming to stay with u n dnt know how to handle

dnt worry take ur husband in confidence ... once u hve his support 1 1/2 mnths is nothing .. we are facing them for years

dnt worry just relax anju replied. think about your daughter to whome u brought into this world before u make such a big decission (sucide).
I dont know if this will be right or not but can u consider sening your daughter with your mum to native place i know it will be difficult but at least u can have smooth relationship with you husband n can visit your DD when ever u feel like.it just a matter or year or so till she is 2 and a half year old.bt that u can look for some good day care.