Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hai
I am new member to this forum and read almost all the msgs.in fact I am somewhat relieved to know I am not the only one suffering the mental torture from ils.
We married after a long love affair of 9 yrs. my hus and me were collegemates. After graduation we waited till our parents gave green signal to our marriage and till my hus got a good job. He is working in a MNC at present and actually he got it through one of cousin' s recommendation.
I am the one only daughter of my parents. They didn' t say anything against my wish when they knew abt my love. The only thing they wanted was that we have to wait till he gets a good job. and they also tried to get a job for him. All that time my ils were very nice. We got married immediately my hus got this job. Life was very peaceful upto 1.5 yrs.
i went to my our native place for my delivery and came back after my daughter was 6 months old. as both of our homes were within 6 kms distance i used to stay in both homes in alternative weeks. but once i said to my ils that as i am going back to the metro city(whre my hus is working) soon i have to visit some of my relatives' house and temples so that i cant come to stay there more. i said it very politely. but the result was some what i hadn' t expected. my mil called my hus and said that i told them that i dont like to stay in his house and such things. and u can imagine what a fight would have been there between me and hus.. to be short, i even tried to commit suicide out of frustration. when my mother told abt this to my ils do u know what they replied -\" we had not told anybody to commit suicide\" . after this incidence they behaved very rudely to my parents. but still i adjusted becoz of my husband.
when i returned to the city my ils did not call me even a single time. and then my bil got job in this same city. then suddenly my mil could remember my phone no.
after my daughter turns uo 1 yr i started working. at first we tried some day care centre and baby sitter for our daughter but couldn' t find a good one. so it is decided that my mom and ils have to stay with us for 2-3 months alternatively till she is 2 -2.5 yrs old. my father doesnt like city life. so he wont stay woth us more than 2 -3 weeks. and when it was my ils turn to take care of my baby... within 1 week itself my mil was succesful in making my hus and me fighting. usually my hus will reach home before me. so she will tell all things against me to my hus. actually my hus loves me very much and he is very much understanding too. but neverthless however promises he makes to me he will start a fight when his mother gossips anything to him. it seems that she mesmerizing him. she is very jealous that we are living in a good house and with all facilities and keeps telling that my hus will mind his business only and not take care of them. whenever my buy something new she wont speak for 2-3 days. this continued for 2 months. so many days i had to go to office without breakfast but she wont say anything. all of our neighbours know her attitude towards me from her own behaviour itself.
since last 3 months my mother is with me and it is very peaceful. but in next month ils are again coming here. but i dont think this time they wont stay more than 1 month bcoz my bil resigned the job and joined in a job in native place itself. ils are very relucant to leave him alone evenif his uncle & aunty r living there who r very fond of him. actually he is not educated so it is very difficult to a job here for him. my hus tried very much but in vain. as per my ils , that also my hus' falut.
we have bought so many things during their absence and my hus also did not mentioned to them. they will know this when they come in next month. i am very much worried .. what will happen this time when my mil comes here... my hus knows her and her attitude toward me very much.. but still.. i dont know what to do..
i know it is a lengthy msg.. i so sorry for that M replied. My MIL is EXACTLY the same as yours. She makes faces and acts very cold every time we buy something new. Before, we used to buy everything new for them first and they used to give us their old things. Despite that, my MIL would always say that we never do anything for them. So, finally we decided that we would do things only once in a while.
So, now whenever we buy something new, both my FIL and MIL make faces, don' t speak to us for days, or make sarcastic comments.
JUST FORGET HER. If she comes to your place and has a problem with what you have bought, just ignore her. Let her make as many faces as she wants. DON' T FEEL BAD FOR BUYING THINGS WITH YOUR OWN MONEY FOR YOUR OWN FAMILY. Don' t let her make you feel giulty just because you want to live the way you want.
The best advice is get her out of your life. Or else you have to adjust somehow. I don' t agree with your logic. If you want her to take care of your daughter, then you have to bear up with her nonsense. I did not let my MIL get involved with my pregnancy, and I let her meet my son whenver she wants, but I don' t give her the opportunity to care for him. Because I know her... if she feeds him even once, she will tell me forever, ki maine tumhare betthe ko pali hoon. suhani replied. Hi Suvika,

As any married girl may tell you, in-law woes are never going to end anytime. so best thing is to get your mind out of their gossips. best thing is that your husband understands that you are not wrong, so stop worrying. I have worried for such a long time for all these stupid things, but the result was only that i ruined relation between me and my hubby and my son lost the good time, we could both give to him. MIL will never stop complaining about you, keep it mind. just relax yourself in life and stop listening her all stupid talks or anything bitter she says. you will just loose your time. I know to say its difficult, but i think a DIL has to have that heart, because she has no choice. If she also cribs then whole family atmosphere will be ruined and thats what MIL wants. Dont let her ruin your life. You need to have that strong heart. As to say, everyday we go to home, my MIL keeps saying, \" tera baccha paal rahi hu.. baki sab to chod dete hain..\" my hubby also listens and ignores and i do that too. earlier i used to cry, shout and fight with my husband, but living with her has given me such mental toughness that now i really dont care what she says. because she was not meant to be a lovable MIL and she will get in turn what she is giving. just wait and watch. people who do bad, get bad in turn.

and hats off, that your MIL thinks of giving you tea in morning. my MIL would have done suicide or killed me if i would have expected that. so i just do my duty, keep my home and my family happy. thats what it is meant to be, she cant be the reason to ruin my life... Namita replied. when you were not in good terms with ur IL' s then y did u recommend her to stay with you ....day option was much more better ... now u dnt have peace,ur relationship with husband totally depends on wht she feeds in his mind (dependency) .... nt having proper food, breakfast ... starving inyour own home even after earning so much ... it is better you find out a day care or some one in your locality agrees to keep ur child then u can ask your husband to inform his parents abt it

i said above things bcoz i m suffering the same ... bt now i have decided to change and working on it ... we give 10000 per month + pay all the bills inspite of tht we dnt get breakfast to eat as my MIL starts making it at the time we are dressing up ... if i make, i hate to share with them bcoz they have said lots of bad things abt. the food i make ... for last 2 1/2 yrs. we leave for office without brk fast ... even with tea they dnt give us anything only a packet of biscute .... n for their daughter they have varieties which they hide, i know the place i feel awkward to take out wheni know that they dnt wnt to give ...

their r many more things ... so i feel instead of being in constant tension better look for day care n solve your prob.