Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

just wondering abt your experiences as new moms. what are the rituals/cermonies for newborns...how do inlaws react/interfere in day to day matters of child rearing...i live in the US and inlaws far away but keep us husband & wife on a leash...they visit every summer ...does mil come or your own mom for delivery...my mil has a greencard and as most inlaws anxious for us to have kids...so she can probably slowly move in with us...bache toh hum hee sambhalenge nah...noone else can do it better....daycare is not good for kids and only mil can be the perfect mom...prefers a male child ofcourse...ladka toh hona chahiye....have a SIL who lives in US and has 2 kids...i am sure she' ll have unsolicited opinions as well...mil always vouches for her she does this or that...does anyone have a webcam at home...how often do your kids talk to grandparents?
we dont have any yet and r planning...been married over 3 years... aa replied. hi Tanya, something you wrote in your message, made me think of my own story..my il' s are VERY competitive too!! like you said if your mom satys 2 wks, then mil will also want same thing...my life is the SAME. My mom came for my dleivery (i insisted..even though il' s and husb didnt want her with me!)..but i wanted to be with my mom...since then we have had so many fights (me and my husb), they keep telling me off since i asked for my own mom (not mil!)...my mil saw my baby when he was a few months old, and she immediatey took over...she wanted to do everything..feed, change, bath etc. I dont get along with them very well, so i insisted that i do everything for my baby (again lots more fights!!)...now my baby is a toddler (2.5yo) and my family doenst feel welcome to visit me..il' s always say rude things on phone, etc etc. my ils dont stay in the same twon, so when they come for a visit it is very hard for me...I just want you to know that in my case this competiveness of my il' s is MUCH WORSE after my kids arrived, i really wish i had known all this before.. i think my ils feel that my kids are more a part of them then me or my family....they want me to cook/dress etc etc. like how my husb grew up....they want my kids to eat like them, talk like them, dress like them etc etc...i' m so tired of all of their expectations..

hope this helps Mel replied. We live in India, my in-laws stay 5 mins away from us. And, yes, they can be mind-numbingly controlling.
We just had a simple ritual at my in-laws place a few days after baby arrived from the hospital. My MIL tried to get us to stay with her after the delivery since she wanted to do things and then later say that she ' Paloed us and the baby' . We refused. My mum came over and stayed for a month. After that I managed by myself. The bathing etc was taken care of by the malishwali for 5 months.
If I was in your place, I would not let my MIL take care of the baby. If your MIL is controlling, the last thing you want is for her to have control over your child. And if she decides to stay back with you.... sigh!
Even though we live so close, we only meet them about once a week. My son is just a year old, so unchaperoned visits is not an issue yet. Besides, I don' t trust my MIL. She tried to feed him with a fork when he was 11 months old, gave him the bathroom jadoo to play with (and when we objected, she said that it will biuld his immunity), kept him on the balcony ledge, and gave him marbles to play with. I think some MILs really do get senile. Take care of him / her as long as you can and then opt for Daycare. Seema replied. I have a two year old. I live in US and had no help except for my husband for first two weeks after delivery and then I was on my own for 4 months on maternity leave. My MIL was ready to come before I deliverd but I wanted it the way we did it.
It was fine by me as my mom was not able to come. I had my MIL here for few more months when I went back to work after 4 months. IN that way I was not home all day with her.
And my son started day care after he was 8 months old. At that age they are too young to get attached to anybody, daycare will never be option that your in laws will think high about or will like, to this day my MIL thinks day care are bad even though my son is thriving. That is the mindset you can not change and don' t even try.
Just be sure what you want and that what you do.
Good Luck!!!
mdmom replied. Hi Tanya,

I live in US like you. I had my first child one and half years ago. I had my husband and dula (professional helper) through the child birth. My husband' s mother came the same week to help out. Initially it was okay when my child slept whole day. I had to go back to work in 5 weeks. Long story short, my child bonded with her grandmother more than me (her mother) and there were many-many instances which hurt me very deeply. Now, mil is back to her house and my child is more affectionate and playful towards her parents.
From the Hindi dialogues you have written, I can totally see same things happening. Try to get your own mom to come and stay with you when the baby comes.
Good Luck!