Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

My baby is 10.5 months. I am a housewife. I live in a joint family. I feel very frustrated and depressed all the time staying in the house doing all the house work. I want to be financially independant for both my baby' s and my sake since all the money that my hubby earns is controlled by my in-laws. Though I have been married for nearly 2 years and however hard I try to adjust with them, they dont cooperate with me. They try their level best to hurt me in all the ways possible everyday. My hubby doesnt have the guts to take my side in front of them. He just obeys their orders.

They are not happy with my decision to go to work since it will make me independant. I have got a job offer but I cant decide what to do about my baby. My MIL doesnt answer me propery at all if i ask her is it ok if i keep a maid in the house to do all the work plus look after the baby. My FIL says me to leave the baby in the house and keep a maid. But my MIL is the boss of the house and she finds faults with all the servants. She keeps shouting at the servants and can never adjust with them plus make them do extra work and pays them less.

Can somebody please give me some suggestions about what to do. If I leave my baby in the day care, will they look after it properly? Will they give food properly? I just cant decide. Plese help me urgently...
Saheli replied. Two things. You need to be confident and decisive. Take a decision first - by yourself. And the stick to it confidently. If you decide to work, think in that direction - think about how things wd be managed in your absence (and stop thinking about the other route that you shd work or not).

If you decide not to work, then stop thinking how it wd be if you work, stop thinkng that you are depressed. And starrt finding happiness at home.

I think if you decide and delare politely yet confidently that you want to work, there shdnt be much problem. Some fuss is expected, so be ready for it and dont get affected by the pinching words ppl say. Think abt everyhing, all possible options before you declare the idea of your job. Ask inlaws questions, give them options and let them choose what they want (maid or no-maid or half-time maid or whatever). Dont suggest yourself, dont force. If they/MIL says she needs a maid, fine. If she says she will manage alone then let her do it even if you dont trust her. Most times ILs do a good job of managing the kids.

Please understand that your stepping out means giving more control of house and baby to ILs. A number of things will have to be done their way and you wont have a room to complain.

The compromises are either ways :-)

But overall, I guess if they are taking good care of house and kid and you get a job, then small/materialistic issues can definitely be ignored.

What say? Namita replied. dnt get panik .... y do u need to ask your MIL whether u can work or keep maid .. dnt give so much of importance when they dnt respect you ... dnt think wht they feel by ur decision ... take ur husabnd in confidence and move out .... if ur IL' s are good with ur child leave ur child at home with no servant .. finish all the work and leave home (only if they are good with ur child) .... if they really feel for ur child dnt worry they vl look after otherwise if u r not so confident that they vl take care of ur child properly then better keep ur child in cresche bcoz even if u keep servant ur MIL will torture her by giving 1000 of work and ur servant will leave in few months then again hunting servant, taking leave from office is not easy

there are 1000' s of ladies who leave their children in cresche so dnt worry .. there are good people around, u check with few ladies in ur colony who are working .. where do they keep their children .. prefer keeping ur child with someone who is taking care of only 3-4 children .... or u can also check for some one around ur house who is in need for money(elderly person) bt cant go out .. this people look after children very nicely, u give them little bit more they vl b happy and u vl be tension free

the very first thing is dnt drop ur idea of working .... move out as fast as possible .... atleast try if u feel that u cannot handle work and home or ur child is not looked after properly then u can leave the job ... bt atleast give a try

all the best