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Role of in-laws:I am deeply hurt
2008-03-18
Name: Hurt



I just need sympathy, I am feeling deeply hurt.

Here is my story.

I got married arranged 4 years back, have a 2 year old. Our marriage was arranged and I was shortlisted by my MIL. we fell in love immediately after our engagement and had one incidemce by which my in-laws turned against me. Despite of their resistance we got married. After the wedding, my in-laws interfered in almost everything and me and my husband started fighting all the time becuase of their interference even though my husband was working in a different town. I went to visit them shortly after the marriage and my husband followed as he couldn' t live without me. I was going to visit my home-tows to get my credentials and my husband wished to join me and my MIL created a scene that resulted in scaring me a lot and resulting in a depression. My family suggested divorce, I didn' t listen. My husband left his parents to join back work after some days. I recovered and went to join my husbans. My husband didn' t even inquire about my health once but I loved him so went back. My family convinced me to start working after going back and I did. That resulted in more fights so I quit. Our marrige life became so beautiful afterwards with my husband. My husband said he broke all contacts with his parents because of what happened but he didn' t. He was calling from work and I knew, didn' t mind, never forcesuggest him to break contact though I couldn' t manage to have. My FIL sufferred from a major ailment, I was fully recovered by then and felt for them because of their age so inquired about their health and gradually the contacts were establsihed again as we started visiting each other with minor issues here and there. They couldn' t dare to speak a word against me as my husband won' t listen. Up until now I started thinking of them as my family and start to care deeply for everyone in his family and though they also feel same for me upuntil now. My husband been getting sick frequently now adays and my in-laws are suggesting indirectly that its because of me. I have done something to my husband and that he should go back to them. When my hubby told he can' t do as he has a family they started saying that they think about me and their grand-child and thats why they are saying so. They know my husband shares everything with me so they can' t blame me openly but they are saying such things indirectly everyday for 30-45 minutes trying to convince my husband how his life is like a hell because of me. I am very stressedout because o my husband' s health and am unable to bear any other stress. I can' t tell my husband to not share his conversation with his parents as I know he gets stressed out too and by sharing his stress reduces.
I told him not to talk to them about his health. But he thinks that they care for him and they are just worried and thats why thinking non-sense.
I am feelinbg betrayed because of their behavior and can' t think about talking to them any more. Feeling very hurt as I always wished well for them and they think so mean about me.
I feel like breaking all contacts with them as instead of giving us courage they are trying to create a rift in my family by isolating me. I don' t know if I am right in breaking all contacts with them or not. My husband says ignore them but I get very emotional thinking all these coming from people I started to believe is my own family. I am very low, sad and hurt. My bhusbad supports me and going into depression because of his parents will prove me stupid. How can I stay away from these emotions, please help? I just don' t want to listen what they say to my husband but can' t leave my husband to them as they will turn him mad.
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2011-07-15
#1
Anonymous Name: rohi
Subject:  Same here!



My husband had medical ailment before getting married.Obviously the hid it.And now after 7 years they blame me...my husband supports me all the time but they keep saying it when Iam alone.Why would it be my fault?.They NEVER cared about giving a tablet to him,I do it out of love.Now I know they are good for nothing except blaming,they do no good even to their boy leave alone me.I ignore.I do what i need to and my husband loves me for that.Thats all matters...do the same ignore.So bad that we want good relationships but the otherside dosent its their problem not yours...got it?
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2008-03-27
#2
Anonymous Name: piya
Subject:  Re:



just remember that good inlaws are rare. n in most of the cases in-laws r nutty n weird who love to accuse the dil for no wrong doing of hers. so is ur case. why r u giving so importance to in-laws ? u r lucky, u r living seperately n ur hubby supports u. n instead of being cheerful and thanking ur stars , u r getting depressed !! no sister, u r wasting ur time thinking abt them n their words while ur present is slipping away from ur hands. they must have been rude to u, must have hurt u deeply but then, will u be spending the rest of ur life moaning abt these bad episodes ? will u ignore ur hubby n kid, stay sad n keep searching why ur in-laws r mean to u ? does this sounds practical ?? no. please ignore their blame for ur hubby' s health. be cheerful, take care of hubby n kid n of urself in ur house. create a happy home n a happy family for urself in ur house. ignore the snide remark of inlaws. u have ur hubby' s support, dont let it go .
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2008-03-21
#3
Anonymous Name: Kiran
Subject:  Forget the ´ outlaws´



Hurt,

Get over the in-laws being spiteful - focus your thoughts and energy on getting the best possible medical care for your husband. He is what is important - not MIL &FIL.

Your in-laws are not worth your sympathy or respect, learn a lesson from Sree. Our lives are too short to learn all lessons ourselves, sometimes we must learn from others. Put them out of your mind, yes you wasted your past on them, no you can' t have that back - so whats left??? Your future!!! Grab it with both hands and do what you want with it - it is up to you if you want a happy life. If a stress-free life is what you want then make a slist of what it will take for you to be happy - this list can only have suggestions/ ideas that YOU control, not others.

You live in your own place. When your husband sees your devotion to him and your happy presence, he will automatically feel drawn to your optimism and warmth. He will feel happier around you - this is what will relieve him of stress. He will realise on his own that it is his own parents that are no good for him - he will associate bad vibes with them and good/happy vibes with you.

Be strong for you and your husband, spend time together doing things you love. Cheer him up and your mood will also be uplifted. Forget the ' outlaws' they aren' t worth it!

Good luck!
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2008-03-21
#4
Anonymous Name: sree
Subject:  read my story......to know what extent your in-law



Hi,
My story was slightly different but with lot of tragedy and agony, our' s is a love marraige, my husband really went on hunger strike to convince and marry me. we were married for 71/2 yrs and had 5 yr old boy.He was my cousin and we were childhood sweethearts and settled in USA since 2000. Both my SIL and BIL came to our house in US looked for a job wit our help and settled down.My SIL eloped with my husbands friend whom he knows was having multiple affairs with girls, my husband never felt same again with his sister,though he helped when they came to settle down in USA, i too tried to bridge the gap between sister and brother.Next my BIL was my best friend who was main person to change my thinking and convince me that marrying my husband would be very good decision for me.He too came to my house in USA along with his wife and stayed too long ,left his wife with me, then settled in job later. Coming to my in-laws they doted me like anything they always expresed everyone that i have relaced their daughter,and they have never valued their daughter after she eloped and complained in police station abt her dad and brothers to protect her and her fiancee,so my inlwas,my hubby and BIL were very hurt.
Then turned my fate all of a sudden. One fine day my husband was diagnosed with brain tumor and within a day he passed away in USA. then within a week they brought me back to India ,and my BIL And SIL' s Husband took GPA and withdrawed all the money from my American BAnk and dint inform me for several months.And my MIL started accusing me as i was main reason for her sons death as i never cooked or dint feed him properly blah blah.... ,so i dont have the right to get his insurance money.I was shocked as i myself trusted them as my parents and handed over them GPA and everything to them.They have purchased all plots and registered either on FIL name or BIL and now not giving me or my son back. More over when i joined for a job in singapore my SIL, her husband,BIL gave compplaint to company directors that i showed wrong certificates and i was a fraud, With all these tensions my DAD passed away with massive heart attack when i was all alone in singapore. So i had leave my job to worrying what they are after and thinking abt my small kids future i came back to india.
I know now my time is not at all good. But please suggest me what kind of action i can take against my own people whom i gave my whole life to build beautiful relationship.
I was shocked to know after your caring loving doting husband is no more their wont stand a chance for a Daughter inlaw , till then i was goddess for them, later day after my husband passed away i was devil.Just for mere money!!!i wonder how people change. More ridiculous my MIL says as they spent money on my husband for engeneering, she has every right to take away all the insurance amount which American government gave it to me and my kid.so they want to make money on late husband too?
I really dont know how and who can justify this to me. Just waiting fo time.
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2008-03-21
#5
Anonymous Name: Kiran
Subject:  Seek Legal Advice!!!



Hi

There are some parts of your story that i don´ t understand, however, the best thing you can do now is seek legal advice. If you are in India without fantastic representation you cannot get back the money your in-laws ´ took´ from you as you yourself ´ signed it over´ albeit in good faith. That money/ assets is gone, there is no point in going crazy over how they have taken that away from you. It will ot do you any good,

You need to cut all contact with your in-laws - they don´ t give a damn about you or the kids.God sees what they are doing and they will definately get their punishment - watch and see.

If you decided to fight them in court over manipulation whilst grieving for your husband then again you must see if legally it is worth spending more money on this matter. You may not get back anything if they have put the money into estate and have diff names on them. The law will recognise that you have given the money but you have to prove that they either forced you into it, or took your signature without consent - you did not know what you were signing.

As for the insurance money from the US did you get that in 1 payment? Is this the money that they took control of?

Get legal advice asap!Don´ t even think about sparing their feelings over anything. Do what you must for your children and yourself.
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