Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I am about to have my first child in July. My worries are that once I return to my marital home, in a months time, my MIL will take over.

She tries to be domineering, however, I just get on with what i want to do and my husband never stops me. She doesn' t really have any say over my life. However with her own princes she mollycoddles them to the point of embarrassment. My husband turned 35 in Jan and she is waiting for us to return so that he can cut his cake!!!!

She just doesn' t want to let them go - despite them being grown men! I find it weird (as my parents cut the apron strings a long time ago) and annoying, as I have to plod along too.

Being in my 2nd trimester I am aware of being ' over' emotional due to hormones. I wind myself up by thinking about how life will be on our return. When we do go home for breaks, she will say ' don' t sit like that, do this, drink this, eat that...When i was pregnant i had this, i did that...' . ARGH! My mum on the other hand offers no advice unless it' s sought! I' m very independant but i think i take more offence when it' s my MIL, because I think if i go along with it, then she will get worse. Soon i will have reached the point where I do everything she says and my life is no longer mine. I think it' s best that I kind of ' switch off' , rather than do as she says. (Sometimes if it' s good advice - i do follow it!)

I can see her going to the gurdwara to get a letter. I have already chosen names, i do not find it neccessary to pick a letter. When my child is born my husband and I will go to get the child blessed. I am not superstitious, my MIL is - majorly! I don' t want my child to be part of any nonsense.

MIL has said in the past that she is waiting for grandkids so that she can raise them and retire. From my point of view:
1. Im not having kids so that someone else can raise them. I am in fortunate position where i can work from home (when i want to) and raise my kids myself.
2, She hasn' t yet let go of her own ' kids' .
3, I wouldn' t want my kids to be raised with the ideals of their uncles. (They' re not independant, mummy does everything for them).

So my question is this - am i being paranoid? As this is the first grandchild it is new territory for everyone concerned. I want a peaceful pregnancy and stress-free environment (not MIL & I at it hammer and tongs) to raise my baby. Has anyone else been in my positioned only to realise later that either their worst nightmares were confirmed! OR that the MIL was in fact a fantastic help and the relationship between you actually strengthened as a result of you carrying on the family name? Any sound advice would be greatly appreciated! harsha replied. I am also facing same situation..6 months back I delivered Twin baby boys and 2 moths back 9i joined work. As i am at office MIL & FIL take care of babies but they control things so much that they actuallay do not allow me to take care or hold my babies when I reach home. MIL at times snatches my babies from me. Husband is a spineless person who sees everythng but does not say anythg to correct situation. I have asked him to live separately but he never agrees- a typical mamma' s boy he is. I dont know what to do. My life is a hell..i am holding on to my job otherwise MIL will make me a servant at home. Pls advise...i am very depressed. sonu1 replied. Hi Paranoid....

Well i can say that i have been in the same boat as you...lol and believe me its not easy trying to please everyone...my son is now 20 months old and my dh is the only son with 3 sisters...
my mil does not live with us...thank god...but over the phone and when she used to come she used to give advice when i was pregnant (i am married into a different caste who are my traditional whereas my family is relaxed and let me do as i want) when it was near my due date she said rub brandy on ur stomach..and drink to have an easy labour so taht u dont have a caesarean...lol i did none of that to be honest as i did have a c section but that was due to complications...then after also drink brandy...do this do that...i did what i wanted and ignored the rest...then she wanted us to have a naming ceremony and name the baby on the letters...i agreed with the naming ceremony and god what a mistake that was....i did as they wished but they never involved me or told me they way they do it and they accused me of things i didnt even know about...she wnated me to feed my son with so rubbish which i refused....she didnt like it but thing is i dont believe in all that and at the end of the day u have brought u children up the way u want to so let me do my job now...i was quite lucky with my dh as he always said to ask me if she wants to do something as she has carried him for 9 monts and has gone thru all the pain so i had support from him....but from teh beginning she has never offered to help look after or has said oh why dont u rest i will look after him....she just expected me to ask her everything which i ddint as i knew what i was doing...she wanted it all her way but she never wanted to compromise....
so my advice to u is that no matter how much u do and agree to please them they will never be happy and will always fault u...its ur child and like u say why should someone else bring them up..yes let them spend time with their grandparents for a few hours but not to the extent that they make all the decisions and u become secondary...
i am now pregnant with my second one which is due end of april and this time i am not doing anything...it will be all my was as i did everything to please them the first time and all i got was a kick so this time nothing will take place..

When is ur baby due?