Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hello this is my second time logging on this forum. I am from US and have inlaw problems. Not hating but people that dont have any inlaws living with them, I dont know what you guys are complaining about, cause live my life for a day and u will know what inlaws really are. I have been married for 11/2 year. It was a love marriage, we both are the same religion and we love each other dearly. He takes care of me alot and loves me even more that that. The only problem is my INlaws.... they are nice to, but very annoying. I just want to be left alone with my hubby. they dont give us any space... we are newly weds and we NEED SPACE. I tryed talking to my husband but he thinks really orthodox. He doesnt understand that when a girl wants to get married she wants her own home she wants to be the women of the house, not a kid. I lived with my parents b4 marriage they were controlling, now that I am married and have a chance to live my life with my husband, I dont get a chance, at nights when its time to watch tv my husbands lil sister who is my age is sitting in his arms rather than me, It is so annoying. I dont even get home until late nowadays so i can miss all the drama, I dont necessairy like that but I dont have a choice. I cannot sit with my mom at house, she drives me crzy....Dont know what to do... I am going to die like this, I am only 23 and I need my freedom... I am 23 and I feel like im really old and have no life my stress level is so hight that I think I might die from it any day...please help me out somebody.... M replied. I' m orry to say........but if you ask me it' s a hopeles situation. Try to talk to your hubby' s best friend instead of talking to him directly. Tell him all your problems.
Generally husbands think only in one direction. He may not understand what you are talking about. If his friends convince him, that may work!
I feel your SIL is just trying to show off in front of you that she is very close to her brother. Ask the question.......' will all this be ok if she does all this things after she gets married? What will be her hubby' s reaction? If her hubby does not expect this, how can your in-laws & hubby expect you to tolerate her interference?'
Last but not the least.......dont plan for a baby now in any case. Tell the same to your hubby that you will not be comfortable having a baby in such scenario. Ria replied. Rabail..
You are very young, take the sitution in your hand stop nagging abt you sitution.. go for dinners, movies.. plan your weekends.. if your SIL comes in middle just tell you want sum quite time with you husband.. YOU have to be compeletly shameless and ruthless bat it.. if you think wat there are going to think abt you then the whole life you would be complaing abt your husband and ILW on this forum... so get over it.

be bold.... you sd you are newly married, so both of you r enjoying sex, so use that as a tool.. try different things with your husband and excite him... which will draw attention towards you.

If his sister puts his hand on him...... just remove her hand and put your hand, dnt be rude do it gently... being diplomatic will take u long way.. try sms you husband before you get home... abt taking a shower together.. or doing something nice together.. keep the remoance going and you have to try hard.

If not you will be spending rest of your time typeing your problems here.

So all the best...

Work on your sitution

Sunita replied. Firstly, for those who are in a similar situation to but are waiting/looking to get married. TALK to your fiance and find out what the living arrangements are going to be after marriage. If you feel strongly that you want your own place then you need to make your future expectations absolutely clear to your fiance! The choice is then yours as to whether you want to go ahead and marry this guy - you know what you are getting yourself into.

Rabail, you need to talk to your husband. Go out for a meal/ walk and explain to him how you are feeling - stay out for the whole day and enjoy each others company, make it fun, not all serious. Remind him of the way you were before marriage.

Are you living with your in-laws, or are they living with you? If the latter then what happened to their own home? If you are living with them then talk to your husband about getting your own place, starting your own family, getting it set up now rather than later. Make him think of a future where it is only the two of you and your children. It will get him thinking about providing for his own, being a dutiful father, not just a dutiful son. No one expects him to ditch his parents and responsibility but he has your needs to consider as well.

As for his sister - what is that all about? Does she not have any common sense? As an adult she should understand that her brother is now a married man and that the seat next to him belongs to his wife! You need to put a stop to that.

Take control, if he is sat alone then you go and sit next to him. If she is there then ask her to move over, or call your husband to you. (i.e Honey can you look at my arm a second, does it look slightly swollen to you? - even though there is nothing wrong.) Make your call depending on the atmosphere at the time. This won' t work long term, but you will have opportunities to sit next to him and sit arm in arm.

If you wanted to be a little cunning you could say that her being that close to him is not right, now that she is older and of marriageable age. You could go further and say that it makes your husband feel uncomfortable and that he does not know how to say anything to her. Hopefully, she will be too horrified and won' t sit near him again!

In a nutshell, you and your husband need more alone time. Bring more romance into your relationship, be more attentive (esp in the bedroom)it will go a long way. He needs to realise that his life is connected to yours by choice and he needs to fulfil his duties to you.

Don' t think that having a child will solve your problems - it won' t! It seems that you want to enjoy your time as newlyweds and that is great. Don' t whinge or moan as you will come off looking immature, incapable of being a responsible adult. So show that you are in the way you do things and the conversations you have. I hope some of this helps!

Good luck, i wish you well! Seema replied. Here are few suggestions that I can give you. It depends on how big is your place. Get a tv in your own bedroom. MAke sure you have one in family room and possible get one for your SIL in her room.
After you are done eating tell everyone you want to relax and go in your bedroom. Close the door don' t lock it and watch tv. If any other member of family drops in (other than your husband)start switching channels and put something that will not interest them. Hopefully and finally they will get bored and leave. Try to lure your husband in calling it a day soon after dinner and come in the room. In that case you will get some alone time with him.
Living with In laws is not easy, it is hard to feel at ease with them as you know them for a very short period of time and you were not born into that family. Simple as that.
Try to create your own space i your home. Draw boundaries and have me time. It is very important for your own psyche.
Hope this helps. pritee replied. hi,

i can understand that u r young, you want privacy & freedom. u want to do decide everything in your new life.

only thing i can say is that \" marriages r made in heaven, but relatives r not\" !

its a difficult seeing all the happenings. try speaking to ur husband that life changes for a man & woman after marriage. ur husband is no longer only a son or brother, he is a husband also .....