Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Having problems living under the same roof...

My MIL doesnt even recognize my presence..Everytime, some discussion goes on in the house they just talk about their kids as if I never existed. THis hurts me a lot of times.... Whenever I get back from work, they dont even look at me...Makes me feel as though I have committed a crime..
They dont like me wearing western outfits...
She recently underwent a heart surgery..
And hence we hired a cook since I wont be able to manage both work and home.
I guess they feel, I am not holding to my responsibilities.

Tried my best to make things better but of no use...
Right now, myself and my husband have decided to move out
Do u think that's the right decision?

Please let me know... Samy replied. Nidhi, I am going through the same problem. My in-laws don't stay with me permanently. Recently, my in-laws came to stay with us for a few months and it was a nightmare. Just as in your case, my in-laws don't include me in conversations. They often boast about their world travel, their daughter and her lifestyle and try to put me down. During conversations, they do not even look at me as if I do not exist. In my own house, they treat me like that. Not only that, my father in law has abused me verbally two times now. He told me that my upbringing is bad and blames my parents. He says that he is a wise man and has labeled me as a bad daughter-in-law. Can someone tell me the definition of a good daughter in law? Is it someone who is submissive to the nasty attitude of our husband's parents? In the name of culture, people try to dominate and suppress their daughter in laws. We all sail in the same boat.
Listenup replied. Oh yeah, sister I support you all the way. You, are talking about your MIL. My whole life, I have tried pleasing people. It just doesn't work. One, needs to know their priorities in life. If you live in the U.S. then this is a country of self help. Enough of this created cultural crap. Everyone, needs to earn their way here!! Moving out, is the best alternative. If someone can't respect-then you have no business with them!! \";Don't invest more into a relationship than you can afford to lose.\"; by Dr. Phil McGraw. This is my favorite quote by the doctor. Also, be proud of the fact, that you haven't given in to fights with your MIL. Remember, for every negative. God, blesses the patient one with twice the blessing of the evil one. Please, MAINTAIN your space. No relationship, deserves mental or verbal abuse. I am sick and tired of minority groups trying to use the f***********g culture as an excuse. All of us are humans. The image we portray to the world, should be evident in our own home!! LOL. Care replied. Hi Nidhi,

I can understand what you are going through as i am also facing the same kind of situation. I think what ever you have done is absolutely right.
You should discuss about it with your husband. After marriage it is responsibilty of both husband and wife to take care of BOTH the parent(even the girl's). And this has to be understoond by each and every family member.
What i understand about you is that you are a very good lady as you are so concerned about your MIL that you even hired a maid so that your MIL doesn't have to cook. Now even if she is not happy then it is her problem not your's.

I think your MIL doesn't know your importance. You are really a very good and caring DIL.

Care ARchie replied. Dear Nidhi,
When tried all and nothing worked then people make hard choice like you both making. I think this is healthy choice. In your house you will get attention you deserve and you both can develope thereafter new world.
Archie